invited to fancy affair of relatives we met once, do we go?

kakky

Mon, Jul 07 2014, 11:55 pm

We just received an very fancy invitation to a bar mitzvah from my third cousin. We met once at their last bar mitzvah 8 yrs ago at the kotel.

The invite includes 4 seperate affairs:
1. Kotel and Breakfast following
2. Shabbot dinner in fancy Hotel in Yerushalayim
3. Shabbot morning at great synagogue and luncheon in a different fancier hotel
4. Affair in canada.

we live in israel so 4 is out.
which of the other 3 do we go to?
I thought kotel, not to big a deal, a few hours to say mazel tov and be a part of the simcha
DH said we should find a place to stay in Jer. and join them for all or part of shabbot. We would get a weekend away, it could be very nice.

Are they being polite and inviting us because our moms are good friends? or are they desperate for guests in Israel and need us to add to their simcha?

What are we supposed to do??

TIA

heidi

Tue, Jul 08 2014, 12:37 am

Really good question. When we moved to Israel several years ago I found myself being invited to affairs of former acquaintances who were making smachot in Israel. People who I am not sure we would have been invited to a neighborhood affair if we were still living in their neighborhood. DH felt that they needed people at their simcha and it was a free (well besides a gift) evening out. I felt very uncomfortable being at a simcha of people I barely knew.
The difference here is that you are family, even if distantly so. I would guess that they honestly want you there bcz. of family connections AND lack of people to attend and go with the attitude that your presence truly will enhance their simcha.
How fun to have these kinds of "problems"!

Learning

Tue, Jul 08 2014, 12:47 am

I would go to whatever I can. It is fun and it is your family. It looks like they want to recognize you as family and become close to you. Why not? ( besides the point that they are rich and can give you big presents at your simchas.....☺️). Just have a blast. Really why not?

Raisin

Tue, Jul 08 2014, 6:51 am

If they are nice people you would like to get to know better, why not go?

Obviously they are not short of money so are not restricting their guest list.

amother

Tue, Jul 08 2014, 6:53 am

Learning wrote:

That is a terrible way to think about people.

CatLady

Tue, Jul 08 2014, 7:09 am

I would certainly go. The fact that they are having a reception in Canada means that they may be short on family in Israel. and it sounds like they may want to build a relationship with you as "friends who happen to be related". I'm sure you can put up with a bit of fanciness for the good of the mishpacha. Take one for the team! Wink

amother

Tue, Jul 08 2014, 7:32 am

There could also want to share their good fortune with you. We were lucky to be able to recently make an over the top simcha. We invited people (who were less fortunate) we otherwise might not have invited because it was an opportunity for them to come to our destination.

morah

Tue, Jul 08 2014, 7:43 am

I don't get what the question is. You're not close, so there is no reason to move heaven and earth to be there if logistics are difficult. If it won't be that difficult, you were invited, so you are obviously welcome and not a crasher.

kakky

Tue, Jul 08 2014, 11:14 am

op here

we will definitely go, should we be going to all 3 options or should we just be choosing 1 of the 3.

would it be ok to ask the grandmother what the hosts would prefer, or should we just live it up?

boysrus

Tue, Jul 08 2014, 11:25 am

I would go to all 3, get to know family better, be there to make lots of numbers at their simcha. how nice for yu! I love family, and would love such an invitation! go for it, and be good guests!

out-of-towner

Tue, Jul 08 2014, 11:47 am

boysrus wrote:

I would go to all 3, get to know family better, be there to make lots of numbers at their simcha. how nice for yu! I love family, and would love such an invitation! go for it, and be good guests!

This! Especially if you are family. I have been to countless events where I don't really know the Baali Simcha, but I was invited because I was family. It is really nice to be able to connect with them and to build a small Kesher. You never know what will happen down the line. Blood is thicker than water, and family will always be family.

rachel6543

Tue, Jul 08 2014, 1:12 pm

out-of-towner wrote:

I agree with both out-of-towner and boysrus.

If you're going to go and can make all 3 events I would go. What a wonderful way to get to know your relatives better and maybe meet new relatives. 15+ years ago I went to the Bat Mitzvah of a 3rd cousin (once/twice removed maybe?) and I'm really glad my family went. I got the chance to meet all this extended family I didn't know about who came from all over the US and Canada for the event. It was really special and fun. I don't know if I'll ever get an opportunity to meet any of these relatives again.

mommyhood

Tue, Jul 08 2014, 2:30 pm

I happened to be in Israel when a friend of my mother (who I am not close to but I do know) made a bar mitzvah, She asked me to come and even invited the girl I was traveling with. I felt a little funny going but I really think it enhanced their simchah that we were there. They had very few family members and friends and it's nice to be surrounded by familiar faces when making a simcha.
I think if you were invited to everything and can go without too much difficulty it would be a nice thing to do.