How long after your wedding did you receive parental support

allrgymama

Thu, Jul 10 2014, 2:22 pm

amother wrote:

Although it was appreciated that they gave, I wish I knew in advance they weren't planning to actually support like they said/promised, and just planned on giving us about 1/3 of the cost of living - I don't know that my husband or I would have spent that first year in kollel- because although it was amazing and we loved it, we simply couldn't afford it.

Exactly. Had I any idea that this would happen, I would have been more careful with the money that I spent when I was single and working*.

My two older siblings did fairly well-off shidduchim and while I knew I couldn't count on that, I thought that I could count on a certain amount of support from my parents. There was no discussion, when I was single, of saving money for marriage and then I got engaged/married to a boy whose parents weren't providing any support whatsoever; in fact, I think they gave all of $10,000 to the wedding costs.

As it was, even with the partial support, we lived hand-to-mouth, and continued to do so, borrowing money from this and that one for years 2-4 of our marriage.

*not that I was exceptionally irresponsible. I paid for my own clothes, and work expenses and anything 'fun' that I wanted to do. Contrasted with people I know whose parents refused to allow them to spend a penny of the money they earned working so that could go into savings and towards a down payment or other future marriage-related expenses.