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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
He is complaining about camp, WWYD?



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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 14 2014, 6:09 pm
DS, 8, struggles with ASD and ADHD. He is doing a therapeutic social skills program that meets fot 90 minutes at lunchtime, and I signed him up for afternoons at a camp that meets in the same building.

Everyone there has been nice to him, and they gave him an award for conquering his fear enough to go into the water at swim time. But he has complained. He would rather stay home.

Meantime, I am struggling with other kids and their issues, and I am already very stretched and stressed. Each already needs my help for more hours than there are.

Should I let DS quit? It's another 3 weeks. The social skills is not optional, but I suppose I don't have to make him go to camp, too. WWYD?
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Bruria




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 14 2014, 6:11 pm
I would let him quit. Vacation time is suppose to be good!
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Fabulous




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 14 2014, 7:01 pm
if he quits would he be on top of you?
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 14 2014, 7:07 pm
Yes. He needs a lot of supervision.
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Fabulous




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 14 2014, 7:08 pm
imasinger wrote:
Yes. He needs a lot of supervision.


then unless the complaining is seriously intense and you have something that he can do then/other plans, I would stick it out.
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SRS




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 14 2014, 7:29 pm
Tough choice. Going from a 90 minute course to camp sounds like it might be too much for him. Is there an alternative like hiring someone to help around the house and be on top of him as needed? Can he be instructed to spend 1-2 hours of downtime in his room after his program? Three weeks probably won't kill him, but it might make more sense to think about what would serve his needs best in the future if he is reacting badly. Of course if it is more just kvetching, toughing it out isn't too bad. I am personally not confident that kids with certain needs are able to be well served in your average daycamp.
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harriet




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 14 2014, 7:47 pm
How long has he given it a try for?

I would say something like "I want you to give it a fair try before we make a decision. Let's try it for x days and then reevaluate. . . " Be sure to just promise to reevaluate and not that he can for sure stop. If you do say in x days you can stop, of course you have to keep your word, and let him stop. If you say we'll discuss it, you keep your options open (and do what you think appropriate at that point).
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Coke Slurpee




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 14 2014, 8:33 pm
Ask him if there is something specific about camp that's bothering him. It could be something that the camp can modify or work with him/you about.
If its nothing specific other than its more comfortable for him to be home or he just wants to be with you, you can suggest a compromise where one day a week he can stay home from camp or that you will pick him up early on certain days.
Kids with social issues often prefer to stay home and keep to themselves, but sometimes its good to push them slightly out of their comfort zone within normal limits.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 14 2014, 8:46 pm
Is this a regular camp or a specialized program?

If it's a regular camp, would it be possible to instead hire a "big brother" to hang out with him (away from home) for those hours?
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 10:37 am
It is a regular camp, not special. But the staff is well trained to deal with kids that need more support.

I told him he could skip the two field trip days, since long bus rides followed by new places are probably overwhelming.

There really isn't anyone I could hire at a reasonable rate (under 15/hr) for respite type care. I give him time to play and attention both before he goes (at 11 or 11:30) and after he gets home.

Last summer, at a different camp, he was teased and mildly bullied. This time, I see none of that, the kids and counselors are nice to him. He would just rather be at home.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 10:42 am
If he is unhappy at camp, take him out of camp.

Is it that you don't believe he's unhappy? That it would be harder for you if he came home? These questions are not meant to be antagonistic, even though they sound this way.)

Regardless, if he's miserable at camp bring him home. I was sent to camp for three summers--at 5, 6, 7--against my wishes. 50 years later I still haven't gotten over it. (Yes, working on that)
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 10:44 am
He probably prefers to be at home because his difficulties make it especially taxing to be in that kind of environment. No one chooses the hard way over the easy way Smile That said, if you think that between the staff understanding how to manage him and help him, and his own internal resources, he can handle it and grow from the experience, it nay be a good thing regardless.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 10:47 am
It is that kids on the spectrum are usually resistant to change, even when it is good for them. (ETA: Exactly, MBV!)

Interacting with other kids is something he needs to do more.

And the rest of the household benefits from some time with him away.

I told him he should try for a while and then we would talk. It has been a week and two days, and I'm not sure what to do.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 10:51 am
amother wrote:
I was sent to camp for three summers--at 5, 6, 7--against my wishes. 50 years later I still haven't gotten over it. (Yes, working on that)


Amother, was it a day camp? What made you miserable?
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