ear piercing conundrum

Ima2NYM_LTR

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 1:11 pm

Last night my sister posted a picture of her daughter (5.4 yrs old) and a good friend (5 yrs old) both getting their ears pierced.

My daughter, also 5 is good friends with both of them, at both school and camp. Which means, by now, she has seen 2 people she cares about with their brand new earrings.

I have nothing against ear piercing, but have always assumed I would wait until she is older and more responsible. Now I feel like the issue may come to a head very soon (around 4:30 today, when I pick her up from camp!)

The girls do so much together, as is natural for cousins close in age who live less than a 1/2 mile apart and go to the same school and camp.

She never talked about getting her ears pierced until a few weeks ago when my sister mentioned in passing that my niece might get hers done. At that point she asked 'But why can't I?" Now that the thought has been put in her head, it's not going to go away

The issue is all my valid reasoning will feel empty. If I say she's too old, she can point out that she is older than her cousin (by 5 months). If I say she doesn't take enough responsibility, ie cleaning room, she will point out that neither does her cousin. Every valid argument will be wiped out.

She had her physical today with a vaccination. She didn't cry (thats my big girl!), but that means I wont be able to compare the pain of the shot to the pain of ear piercing as a deterrent.

So, do I give in and give her earrings? Or do I stand firm? Am I making too big of a deal of getting her ears pierced at this age?

(I know many girls get theirs ears pierced as babies. Ive always personally believed that if its not done when they are a baby, it should be done when they can do all their own personal hygiene)

amother

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 2:14 pm

I always felt that a girl has to be old enough to ask for earrings - and then do something to get them. (my theory went out the window when I had a girl after 4 boys and needed my girl to look like a princess as a baby) I would tell her that she needs to earn them by doing something that is difficult for her. If you have an issue with summer homework for example. I would say if you do it every day for five minutes, at the end of the summer we will get earrings. or wait for a special occasion like her birthday or a family members wedding to make it special

studying_torah

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 2:44 pm

Don't have advice about earrings per se, as I got my own ears pierced at 18; my dd was about 7/8 and both of us have a lot of issues from the piercings. My dd holes ended up closing.
However, I'd like to point out that this is the perfect opportunity to decide how you will deal w your daughter (now & in the future) w regards to her wanting something that 'everyone' has....
Good luck!

PinkFridge

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 3:16 pm

studying_torah wrote:

This.
It might not work this young but usually asking the kids, "Oh, so you want what x has. Do you want the whole package of x's life? Her early bedtime, chores you don't have, etc.?" did work.

imasinger

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 11:26 pm

I had mine done in college. I let my DD do it at 10, she didn't take proper care and they got infected. We let the holes close, and she did it again a few years later and everything was fine.

As long as you are prepared to do (or supervise her doing) the alcohol and the turning every single day, as many times as you are told to, it should be fine.

But if you plan to leave the care totally up to her, I'd suggest waiting until she is a teen. The consequences for forgetting are pretty painful.

emama

Fri, Jul 18 2014, 8:59 am

I had mine done before my bat mitzvah. When many of the girls in my daughter's kindergarten class got them, I said no. We went out and bought a bunch of sticker type earrings, and that made her happy. She could change them, which her friends could not for some time. After awhile, she got busy with other things, and waited till she was close to bat mitzvah, as did her older sister.

acccdac

Fri, Jul 18 2014, 10:31 am

You have two choices:
1) make an issue of this - don't pierce ears
2) don't make an issue of this - do pierce ears and YOU take care of ears

To address the "but her mommy let her!!!!" Comment,I'm your mommy not hers. Rules are different in our house.

As another poster said, you will be dealing with this the rest of your life, especially with girls (American girl doll, Kipling backpack, etc).

It seems like you don't want to do it. I can't tell if you don't want to give in or you don't want to pierce (which is the bigger issue). However, it seems like you are afraid of upsetting your dd. this is not a reason to give in. However, if you decide this isn't an issue (concept) worth fighting about, then don't fight.

amother

Fri, Jul 18 2014, 11:24 am

Two of my DD's had theirs close up, and re-pierced later. (and I seem to recall we didn't do it til bas mitvah, so presumably old enough to be responsible.) And ended up with keloids - large growth of scar tissue on the ear.

So I say, don't take a chance. If you feel she should wait til she's older, you're the Momma!
Hashem gave her this mother, and not another mother. So this mother gets to make the decisions, not her aunt or a/o else!

(Anon bec of personal info! We can't be too careful...)