Out of town Wedding. Who pays travel expenses?

amother

Fri, Jul 18 2014, 2:09 pm

How long are you staying for that you are spending 6K on an apartment?
I found an ad for a large 4 bedroom apartment in Arzei Habirah, central Jerusalem for 2K/ week.
contact 5004469@gmail.com
here is a link to the ad http://www.theyeshivaworld.com.....uite/

amother

Fri, Jul 18 2014, 2:43 pm

I have had bo weddings in israel or even out of town but I am the only married one on my family and we have gone on vacation many timea over yom tov with my parents. This past stucco we went to israel. Me. My husband, two kids and my 8 siblings.
a married couple MUST have their own room. If that means it costing you more...consider having them contribute something. When we went we took two three bedroom apartments next door to each other so we had enough living space and bathrooms.
I also agree that is is not at all nice of you to say I will pay for daughters ticket not son in lawn sry but he's part of the family now and its either both or dont offer anything. But then dont be insulted if they dont come.
When we went to israel. I paid my families plane tickets through points. Once there I paid for certain trips and groceries.
the other times I have gone away. I paid airfare for my family and my parents paid everything else. I do help out though with money and cooking.

SRS

Fri, Jul 18 2014, 3:39 pm

amother wrote:

OP. That's why I didn't offer the money.
It's happened before that I gave them money for one purpose & it was used for something else.
We help support them, we buy all their groceries.
Also paying for our son in laws dental work...
At least he appreciates it.

Seems you have a chicken or egg problem here with the entitlement issue. You let them demand a fancy wedding when they are entering a marriage unable to buy groceries. You complain they do not work enough, but fill in for both basics and something they probably could use help with (the dental work). I do not think it too late to be mechanech. You should really revisit your support arrangement and consider how you can move them from playing house to providing for a household asap. You are going into debt, so you need your kids to move towards independence now because you cannot bankroll what you do not have available casg for. Perhaps the dental work plus one single and final monetary gift along with stacks of coupons to cut and get out of the way? Because with this arrangement you will continue to suffer as it keeps you in the picture as the putter of the kosher bacon on the table.

Heyaaa

Sat, Jul 19 2014, 6:49 pm

Your daughter is in shana rishona. Fact is she can't afford another ticket and definitely not a ticket+accommodations. So, either she'll have to stay home or she'll have to come separately and if by some miracle her husband comes, they'll have to sleep separately anyway. IOW you're telling a shana rishona couple to choose between their sholom bayis or your family.

Whether or not dd is spoiled, using her sholom bayis as a way to teach her a lesson is not a smart/nice way to go.

BTW I got married in another country and my parents (who have no money) paid for everyone's tickets, including the 2 grandchildren.

Raisin

Sat, Jul 19 2014, 7:00 pm

I don't think the couples shalom bayis will be damaged by spending a couple of days apart.

Maybe the OPs shalom bayis will suffer if she has to go into debt to pay for a very expensive vacation for her daughter.

My opinion, I think it would be very nice if the OP offers a bit more money so the couple can buy two tickets. But accomodation etc they will have to be responsible for. They don't have to come for that long.

amother

Sat, Jul 19 2014, 7:27 pm

OP. The apartment we are taking for 2.5 weeks. The price includes the commission we paid to the agent.
I never suggested the couple sleep apart ever. Please read. I said if one of the couple comes he/she can sleep with the others.
No way can we pay more. No how. We are working around the clock to pay for everything. If they want to both come they need to both work a bit more for the next month.
No I don't think their marriage will suffer if DD is away for 2 days. Let's not get melodramatic.
To the poster whose family took everyone away for succos, very nice.
Obviously your family has the finances to bank roll you. We do not have the ability to pay expensive tuition, yeshivas, seminaries, weddings, set up for couples & support and give them vacations to boot!
I don't think it's good for our couple to have us support them & pay for their vacations too.
In any case, DD has stopped going on about it & they are trying to pay for another ticket themselves. Maybe they found out that not "everyone" pays for everyone, not "everyone" helps financially & not "everyone" pays for a child in laws dental work.
I'm not discussing it with them.
I'm focusing on DS simcha.

amother

Sat, Jul 19 2014, 10:22 pm

amother wrote:

In any case, DD has stopped going on about it & they are trying to pay for another ticket themselves. Maybe they found out that not "everyone" pays for everyone, not "everyone" helps financially & not "everyone" pays for a child in laws dental work.
I'm not discussing it with them.
I'm focusing on DS simcha.

Is your DD on imamother by any chance? Did she read this thread? Maybe thats how she finally got the message?