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Forum
-> Inquiries & Offers
-> Moving/ Relocating
amother
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Sun, Jul 20 2014, 4:07 pm
For all those that live out of town or moved out of town. What is your opinion? What were the positive and negative aspects of picking yourself up out of your comfort zone and starting over? Please be very honest. TIA
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amother
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Sun, Jul 20 2014, 4:52 pm
Wouldn't it make a difference where they moved to? Maybe you should say where you're considering going and get feedback from people who moved there. Peoria ain't Philly and Juneau ain't Jersey.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 20 2014, 5:16 pm
I don't think it matters which town the question is moving out of the Brooklyn/Lakewood area to a smaller out of town environment.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 20 2014, 5:30 pm
Oh, so "town" is brooklyn and lakewood? So if you moved to Riverdale or Teaneck that would be "out of town"?
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naturalmom5
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Sun, Jul 20 2014, 5:46 pm
Pros
No meeyus people or at least basically decent people made meeyus by Lakewood
No vicious games just to get a child into school
Lower cost of living
More sincerity
Friendlier
Middos and Derech eretz
Cons
Pizza and vareity of kosher restaurants
Less places to dav at 11am if any
???? Shidduchim
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The Happy Wife
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Sun, Jul 20 2014, 5:51 pm
naturalmom5 wrote: | Pros
No meeyus people or at least basically decent people made meeyus by Lakewood
No vicious games just to get a child into school
Lower cost of living
More sincerity
Friendlier
Middos and Derech eretz
Cons
Pizza and vareity of kosher restaurants
Less places to dav at 11am if any
???? Shidduchim |
I"m pretty sure that Hashem can make shidduchim just as easily for people living out of Brooklyn.
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morah
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Sun, Jul 20 2014, 6:04 pm
amother wrote: | I don't think it matters which town the question is moving out of the Brooklyn/Lakewood area to a smaller out of town environment. |
But it does matter. "Out of town" is not some little place out there, especially not as you define it. Assuming you're thinking of leaving NY for the usual reasons- money, social- not all OOT locations will solve those problems, or may do so at too much of a cost. Waterbury is cheap and the people are nice and down to earth, but there's very little in the way of frum amenities that you're used to coming from NY. They don't even have a high school, teenagers have to be sent away. Is that worth it? LA is OOT and nice, chill people and also has all the amenities of NY- but also the same prices. Why are you considering leaving NY? What do you expect out of an OOT community? The communities vary and don't all fit the OOT stereotype.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 20 2014, 6:24 pm
amother wrote: | I don't think it matters which town the question is moving out of the Brooklyn/Lakewood area to a smaller out of town environment. |
If town = brooklyn and lakewood then maybe move to teaneck, edison, elizebeth, monsey or far rockaway
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MaBelleVie
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Sun, Jul 20 2014, 6:29 pm
No cons for me except higher cost of kosher products, and less availability and convenience of "Jewish stores". But that is far outweighed by the endless pros. Oh, and depending if your family lives in town and you want to be near them, that's an obvious con.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 20 2014, 6:31 pm
Pros: friendlier people, more space, cheaper real estate, independence
Cons: more expensive kosher food, less availability of Jewish products, need to travel for simchos, no family nearby
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amother
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Sun, Jul 20 2014, 7:45 pm
ive lived in both ( I recently moved from a really tiny jewish community, to nyc)
pros- bigger cheaper houses
cheap rent
cheaper insurances
if in the suburbs, VERY family friendly
no problems getting your kids into schools
cheaper tuition
feeling of being apart of something, feeling like you matter
cons
kosher food is a fortune. (even if not makpid on chalov yisroel)
you probably wont live near family, which for many people can be really hard
you are ALWAYS traveling in or out for something.
just bc the school is small and warm doesn't mean you like the faculty or curriculum
no choices of minyanim, ever.
small amount of friends, who you may or may not like
my dh and I experienced all these feelings over the course of our 4 years OOT.
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PinkFridge
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Sun, Jul 20 2014, 7:45 pm
How far out of town are you talking?
Having lived OOT most of my life, I'm really happy here. I'm sure that had we lasted in our big east coast city beyond kollel we would have grown with it somehow, but I feel that life is simpler and wholesome.
NOTE: I'm not saying that you can't raise kids with pashtus and wholesomeness in the big city. I know great in town people. But this is me speaking.
And as has been mentioned, no getting into the right school or school at all drama, b"H.
Besides the pros and cons of living OOT, you have to weigh our options. You do have options, right? Because if you don't have a choice, then I guess you're asking, psyche me up for OOT ;-) And if you do have a choice, there are also details we don't know: what are the parnasa options in each place? Will there be more menuchas hanefesh in one business setting over the other? There are many quality of life angles to weigh.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 20 2014, 8:22 pm
amother wrote: | ive lived in both ( I recently moved from a really tiny jewish community, to nyc)
pros- bigger cheaper houses
cheap rent
cheaper insurances
if in the suburbs, VERY family friendly
no problems getting your kids into schools
cheaper tuition
feeling of being apart of something, feeling like you matter
cons
kosher food is a fortune. (even if not makpid on chalov yisroel)
you probably wont live near family, which for many people can be really hard
you are ALWAYS traveling in or out for something.
just bc the school is small and warm doesn't mean you like the faculty or curriculum
no choices of minyanim, ever.
small amount of friends, who you may or may not like
my dh and I experienced all these feelings over the course of our 4 years OOT. |
This is a great writeup, except insurance :-). Here in Detroit, we are paying car insurance almost 10X what I've paid previously in-town, and for some reason, our water bill is more than 2X as high. But I digress....
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MaBelleVie
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Sun, Jul 20 2014, 8:26 pm
There are also so many variations among different oot communities, it's hard to generalize.
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kb
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Sun, Jul 20 2014, 8:28 pm
you can have minyanim choices out of town too. Just depends HOW out of town!
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zaq
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Sun, Jul 20 2014, 8:34 pm
amother wrote: | I don't think it matters which town the question is moving out of the Brooklyn/Lakewood area to a smaller out of town environment. |
This post proves the incredible provincialism of Brooklyn Jews. Doesn't matter which town? Are you for real?
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Simple1
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Sun, Jul 20 2014, 10:15 pm
I agree it's hard to generalize. For example a mother who said cheaper tuition, my relatives pay really very high tuition out of town. OTOH, Lakewood has low tuition.
Also , there are other places that you didn't mention that are large enough to have some in- town characteristics, such as Baltimore. Some communities have a decent Jewish presence while some have almost none.
And as far as friendliness, I've known of people who didn't click with their OOT community, so it really needs to be a personal match.
Also consider if you like quiet and calm vs. "hustle and bustle". But again depends where youre moving- city or small town.
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imasinger
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Sun, Jul 20 2014, 10:39 pm
The Happy Wife wrote: | I"m pretty sure that Hashem can make shidduchim just as easily for people living out of Brooklyn. |
It may be just as easy for Hashem, but in the short term, it's not so easy for the humans who watch the in-town girls get far more attention from shadchanim, suggestions, and nods from those who wouldn't be interested in traveling for shidduchim.
I wouldn't trade our OOT life for much, and think the positives outweigh the negatives, but that negative does exist.
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amother
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Mon, Jul 21 2014, 2:02 am
I've always lived OOT so I can't help you with the moving aspect, but can give some info on OOT living.
LIke other posters mentioned, OOT varies widely. I grew up in LA, which may officially be OOT for some, but it's a big city with every kosher/frum amenity you could want, and also the cost of living in town. You do have more friendliness and relaxed attitude as compared to NY, but otherwise it's probably closer to in-town.
I now live veeeeery OOT, as in only 1 frum shul for the entire community, no kosher restaurant, etc. So the pros and cons are very different from a in-town OOT like LA. Pros of a tiny OOT community like mine are a really strong sense of community where everyone takes care of e/o else, close friendships, good middos, relaxed living, safe community, outdoor living etc. Unfortunately, the cost of living is not cheap, though it is somewhat less than Brooklyn. School is in the closest larger frum community and provides the most wonderful chinuch with an emphasis on middos and strong academics (again not cheap).
So you see, there is a huge variation among OOT communities.
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DrMom
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Mon, Jul 21 2014, 3:53 am
zaq wrote: | This post proves the incredible provincialism of Brooklyn Jews. Doesn't matter which town? Are you for real? |
This.
Then again, I'm in Eretz Yisrael.
As far as I'm concerned, you're all OOT.
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