I feel sorry for her

amother

Sat, Jul 19 2014, 6:41 pm

I was talking to a 15 yr old today, and she told me that her mother gave her a whole speech because she walked past a mezuzah in her pajama trousers. How it is not tznuah... I was so mad. ( if it makes any difference they are chassidish). How would you have responded? Would you mix in and talk to the mother? (we are family friends).

happybeingamom

Sat, Jul 19 2014, 11:14 pm

A Mezuzah is in a case/covered for a reason. Does this mother have a mezuzah in her bedroom or she only does things in her bathroom?

Tell the mother she should pick her battles and this one is for sure not it.

penguin

Sat, Jul 19 2014, 11:27 pm

Actually, mezuzos are generally placed on the outside of the bedroom door for a good reason.

But walking around in pajamas isn't the reason.

If you're good friends, I'd try to bring up in a round-about way, such as an article or story you read or a story s/o told you about not coming down too hard on kids for things they will outgrow (Rav Yaakov? In a recent article by Mordechai Kaminetsky?).

See the video of Rabbi Bender on chinuch, for example, here.

If I understood him correctly, we should not be afraid of our kids and therefore not try to raise them properly because of it. But definitely we should not see/criticize everything.

the world's best mom

Sat, Jul 19 2014, 11:55 pm

You would gain nothing by speaking to her. Many Chassidim believe it is wrong to walk past the Mezuza when you're not Tzniusdig. They're entitled to have their Minhagim.

Now if she was abusing her kid for that reason or any reason it would be something to speak about.

Barbara

Sun, Jul 20 2014, 12:11 am

the world's best mom wrote:

Does that mean that the child would be expected to put on skirt to use the bathroom in the middle of the night?

Please take that in the respectful way it was intended.

MaBelleVie

Sun, Jul 20 2014, 12:17 am

It is unusual for a chassidish girl to wear PJ pants. Generally nightgowns are worn.

I wouldn't say anything... In the grand scheme of parents and teens this doesn't seem like a huge deal. How many more years will she be living at home anyway?

out-of-towner

Sun, Jul 20 2014, 12:17 am

Barbara wrote:

Does that mean that the child would be expected to put on skirt to use the bathroom in the middle of the night?

Please take that in the respectful way it was intended.

I feel like Chassidim probably wouldn't wear pj pants to begin with, I assume most wear nightgowns. (I am Chassidush, but not hard core...but I do only wear nightgowns pretty much).

But yes, AFAIK, they do not go around the house not fully clothed, and this includes PJs. I doubt that their brothers are allowed to see them in PJs once they reach a certain age.

Perhaps the mother was upset that her daughter was wearing PJ pants in the first place?

Barbara

Sun, Jul 20 2014, 12:23 am

out-of-towner wrote:

Thanks.

Sun, Jul 20 2014, 12:29 am

How close are you with your neighbor? It does sound like the mother is disturbed with her daughter's choice of sleepwear, and is trying to explain what's wrong with it. I'm not from those circles, so I can't say for certain whether it not that's a smart approach, but regardless unless I was close with the neighbor I wouldn't say anything.

Perhaps show some extra warmth and acceptance to the daughter.

zaq

Sun, Jul 20 2014, 2:27 pm

MYOB.The child is not being abused or neglected.

A mother has a right to instill in her children whatever ideas about tzniut she wants, even if a "family friend" thinks they're a trifle extreme or flat-out wrong.

groisamomma

Sun, Jul 20 2014, 2:36 pm

zaq wrote:

Dolly1

Sun, Jul 20 2014, 2:45 pm

I disagree with the posters saying that most chassidim wear nightgowns. I´m Chassidish and we grew up wearing pj´s. (lots of chassidic ppl I know, wear pj´s.) never were we told not to walk around, or past a mezuzah, in pj´s.

amother

Sun, Jul 20 2014, 10:44 pm

Dolly1 wrote:

Were you told to wear a bra underneath your pj top when you went out your room?

MaBelleVie

Sun, Jul 20 2014, 11:00 pm

Dolly1 wrote:

Do any chassidish girls camps allow the girls to wear pajamas?

Dolly1

Mon, Jul 21 2014, 3:01 am

amother wrote:

Were you told to wear a bra underneath your pj top when you went out your room?

Chayalle

Mon, Jul 21 2014, 10:17 am

What Zaq said.

Every family has values and standards they instill in their children. While personally I am not into speeches - I find that teens (my DD is 15) are much more receptive to short-and-to-the-point directive, a mother is allowed to instruct her daughters with her values.

"Please don't walk around the house in pj's" or "please pull on a slinky when leaving your room" might be more effective with a 15 year old. Still, the mother can choose to say her bit on the mezuzah. It is not abusive. I don't feel very sorry for this teen, she should respect the house rules.

amother

Mon, Jul 21 2014, 12:28 pm

I definitely wouldn't mix in.

I'm not chassidish but I used to lodge with a chassidish family. Their daughter was 9, so younger than the girl you are talking about but she did wear pyjamas. She used to put a gown on when she went out of her bedroom.

It seems strange that this girl is behaving as if she didn't know her mother doesn't allow her to walk around the house dressed this way.

I might have asked if she didn't know her mother doesn't allow this (I'm sure she DOES know.) The worst thing you can do is get drawn into an argument about whether it is OK to walk in front of a mezuzah wearing pants or what is or isn't tzniut.