Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Relationships -> Guests
Kicking Guest Out For Mikvah Night
Previous  1  2



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2014, 11:44 am
amother wrote:
How bizarre. Just for the sake of one greeting hug (which is not a mitzva and I doubt you're otherwise denied a hug in privacy of your bedroom) apologets here are talking about you're going to forfeit a mitzva of achnosas orchim. There are other cases when there are more than a guest home and it's your mikva night. Disturbances from the outside make the whole thing more beautiful.
I'd call off my words if it's your first mikva night in shona rishona.


if that greeting hug is considered f0replay, it sure is a mitzvah. on the man's part.

I would think twice before assuming the op has her priorities wrong. shalom bayis is very important, and mikva night is not something to sneeze at. there is no reason to say she's being wrong here. she says there are other places her bil can stay, and having guests in a small apartment and trying to make mikva night special is no simple matter. she is allowed a break for one night, which is all she's asking.
Back to top

tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2014, 12:04 pm
I think that my perception of mikvah night and hosting a guest is very different from the perspective of most of the posters here. I entirely relate to the OP about not wanting to have someone stay in her place on her mikvah night. I honestly can't imagine how it would not ruin the night. I think it would be very odd for the couple to retire to their room early and ignore their guest. Yes, I don't have kids so maybe I have a different sense of what a mikvah night should be, but why should someone compromise on that if they don't ahve to.

OP, I would lie about your sister sleeping over that night or think of something else that would make sense. I don't think this is an issue of hachanasat orchim if the guy has another place to go.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2014, 12:15 pm
I'm amother who said how bizarre.

Can you explain why your mikva night should be longer than the rest of the nights?
B'h ours is always more affectionate than other nights but not longer. It's even shorter in a way because we are both loaded and charged with affection for each other. We don't start earlier than usual. Okay, we have big kids and you can't throw them out for the night. But even when they were younger it didn't matter either. Even if OP has no kids yet, why not try out how it might be for the fun of it? The guest is not committted to them for the rest of their lives. There'll be another month, another mikva night, or even long pregnancy when they could be with each other. Is it the last and thus the most important or what?

Mumydearest, their guest is not omnipresent, and they definitely can find a place for a big hug. Mikva night is late this month, so their guest might even go bed by that time. They could even say they'd like to have a stroll later in the ev so that he doesn't need to wait for them bec they could be home later.
Back to top

HonesttoGod




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2014, 12:25 pm
I once had a close family relative staying with me on mikvah night. After a long niddah period (not pp). They came that day.

It was only slightly strange because we were excited to talk and chat and look at gifts the brought etc so we ended up in bed reallllly late and my dh was a bit upset.
But after that we were just extra quiet. No biggie.
Back to top

smss




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2014, 12:33 pm
I can definitely hear why you wouldn't want a guest there mikvah night OP, and if it were me I think I might've said no to the whole thing (esp considering you said he has other places he could stay) knowing the week would include mikvah night. but now that he's staying by you I do think it's a little weird/rude-seeming to just kick him out one night.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2014, 1:42 pm
to each her own...each person can do what works for her.
Back to top

pause




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2014, 1:52 pm
smss wrote:
I can definitely hear why you wouldn't want a guest there mikvah night OP, and if it were me I think I might've said no to the whole thing (esp considering you said he has other places he could stay) knowing the week would include mikvah night. but now that he's staying by you I do think it's a little weird/rude-seeming to just kick him out one night.

Reread the op. He is already staying with them indefinitely. The question is what to do now.
Back to top

mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2014, 2:03 pm
amother wrote:
I'm amother who said how bizarre.

Can you explain why your mikva night should be longer than the rest of the nights?
B'h ours is always more affectionate than other nights but not longer. It's even shorter in a way because we are both loaded and charged with affection for each other. We don't start earlier than usual. Okay, we have big kids and you can't throw them out for the night. But even when they were younger it didn't matter either. Even if OP has no kids yet, why not try out how it might be for the fun of it? The guest is not committted to them for the rest of their lives. There'll be another month, another mikva night, or even long pregnancy when they could be with each other. Is it the last and thus the most important or what?

Mumydearest, their guest is not omnipresent, and they definitely can find a place for a big hug. Mikva night is late this month, so their guest might even go bed by that time. They could even say they'd like to have a stroll later in the ev so that he doesn't need to wait for them bec they could be home later.


amother, different people have different needs. needing privacy in an apartment on mikvah night should not be considered odd, even if it's not a need you have. op is allowed to wish no guests on that night without weighing which mitzvah is more important. of course there are ways they can try to make it work, but if they can remove the guest from the situation, that would be ideal.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2014, 3:00 pm
I totally understand you and your marriage comes first! I would be the exact same way and would NOT want a guest in my apartment on mikvah night.
As for what you can say, I don't have any good ideas but just wanted to wish you good luck!
Back to top

zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2014, 3:13 pm
shabbatiscoming wrote:


I think having your guest leave for one night is a bit weird and maybe a bit over the top. But thats just my opinion.


I think it's a dead giveaway. Plus, if the guy is staying indefinitely--is that the word you meant? Because although the dictionary definition is "unclear, not specific" it's usually used, when speaking of time, to mean "something shy of forever". Like your baking soda will last indefinitely if it remains dry, but your yeast will expire.

In any case, if you don't know how long this guy is staying with you (why???), this issue will come up again and again, so believe me, if you kick him out one night this month and he doesn't catch on, he will certainly catch on next month. The month after at the latest.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2014, 3:32 pm
I think it really depends a lot on the set-up in your home. Like if your guest room is right next to your bedroom (a bad idea in any situation!).

Or if you don't have a private bathroom and have to go down the hall to wash up afterwards...

I think I would definitely have avoided the guest in the first place.

After years of having kids around, we unfortunately lost any remembrance of cuddling on the couch, which was nice back in the day. Today the kids aren't around but the window shades in the living room don't give perfect privacy & I think DH would be v uncomfortable w the idea. Wonder if I should look into new window treatments?
Back to top

amother


 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2014, 6:13 pm
heidi wrote:
Are you planning on swinging from the chandeliers on mikva night? Why can't you run out for a quick errand, come home and lock your bedroom door? This one time try not to swing from the chandelier. When people have children they manage on mikva night without kicking their kids out of the house.


omg I burst out laughing from this.
hilarious.
Back to top

sushi galore




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2014, 6:54 pm
Give him a good dose of strong wine for supper.....at least he'll be fast asleep Yawn Sleep till the morning...!
Back to top

amother


 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 12:25 am
I would not want some guest in my house on mikva night. And for those who said what will do when u have older kids, who said she has kids, maybe she just has one baby, and for her it is all newish and exciting. She will get to the part of older kids when it's that stage. Now, this is how she feels. She has to do what is right for her marriage, and if she would like privacy then be it! As I said, maybe she doesn't have teenage children yet. She will deal with that when she gets there...Please OP find some excuse and please do what u feel is best for YOU!!
Back to top

amother


 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 5:04 am
What happens if the guest notices she leaves the house with nail polish and comes home without nail polish?
Back to top

Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 5:30 am
So no polish that day. Or put it back on (I wouldn't bother, a guy mostly won't notice LOL unless it was hot neon green).

Go to the bathroom normally. Just, yea, you have to get dressed, but that's every night. When we have a guest we know there's no hanging around in nightgown/pj/wtv and if it's a male guest especially that I need to keep my head covered outside the room. Yes it's hard.

I personally wouldn't take on someone like that because without being a hermit I love to just have my home as a haven...
Back to top

sushi galore




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 6:06 am
amother wrote:
What happens if the guest notices she leaves the house with nail polish and comes home without nail polish?

Is nail Polish so big that you can't take it along and re-apply??
Back to top

pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 6:24 am
[quote="amother"]What happens if the guest notices she leaves the house with nail polish and comes home without nail polish?[/quote

Seriously??? Who would notice THAT? And if you do have a particularly observent guest (or are feeling paranoid) just take the polish off at home!
Back to top

Orchid




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 10:18 am
amother wrote:
I would not want some guest in my house on mikva night. And for those who said what will do when u have older kids, who said she has kids, maybe she just has one baby, and for her it is all newish and exciting. She will get to the part of older kids when it's that stage. Now, this is how she feels. She has to do what is right for her marriage, and if she would like privacy then be it! As I said, maybe she doesn't have teenage children yet. She will deal with that when she gets there...Please OP find some excuse and please do what u feel is best for YOU!!


The issue is not whether or not we should support her doing whatever she wants. Of course she should do whatever she wants. Of course most of us would rather not have a guest under those circumstances.

The point is - does she say anything when most likely the guest will clue in? "You can certainly stay here for 2 weeks, just Thursday August 5th is not a good day, so please leave for that one day." I mean how obvious is that!?!?? It's obviously got SOMETHING to do with a private marital thingie going on. So OP needs to decide if privacy means so much to her that she's willing to potentially give away why exactly she needs privacy on that one specific night.
Back to top
Page 2 of 2 Previous  1  2 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Guests

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Toddler night wean
by amother
7 Yesterday at 10:16 am View last post
9m old screaming the whole night. Arching back
by amother
11 Sat, Mar 16 2024, 10:40 pm View last post
39" guest room beds / wayfair possibly
by rd5081
3 Tue, Mar 05 2024, 8:40 pm View last post
Night babysitter
by amother
12 Mon, Mar 04 2024, 12:52 pm View last post
Night Terrors
by amother
6 Sun, Mar 03 2024, 6:50 am View last post