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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
How to refer to an aunt or uncle?



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amother


 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 10:49 pm
How do you refer to your aunt or uncle? Do you call them by their first name? Or with a title, like uncle Shmuly and aunt Leah?

How do your nieces and nephews call you?
Who gets to choose what you should be called? You or the parents of your nieces or nephews (aka your siblings)?

One of my sisters tells her kids to call me aunt "first name" and it bothers me. I would like to be called by my first name. I think I have a warm relationship with my nieces and nephews and I think the title aunt makes it more formal. I also think it's funny that some nieces and nephews call me aunt and others call me by my first name.

I have already discussed it with her and she has no plans on changing. She believes it's good chinuch for her kids and her chinuch is her choice.
I'm just wondering what is common.
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oliveoil




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 11:00 pm
we do first name, as does pretty much everyone I know.
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anon for this




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 11:36 pm
OP, when my oldest niece was born, my brother and SIL taught her to call me "aunt anon". I did find it hard to get used to, but now I'm very comfortable with it. Now all my nieces and nephews do this, and my children address their aunts and uncles the same way.

But my kids still have a very warm and close relationship with their aunts and uncles. They are respectful, but not really formal.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 11:55 pm
We call all our aunts and uncles by their first names. We call our great aunts and uncles by title plus first name, ie Aunt Esther and Uncle Dovid.

I assumed our kids would do the same, but it didn't work out that way. DH and I are both oldest children who got married first and had a child before any other siblings even got married. Somehow while trying to clarify family dynamics and relationships, we ended up calling our siblings Uncle First Name and Auntie First Name to our child and our parents picked it up as well and it kind of stuck. Now all the nieces and nephews (or at least the ones who can talk) followed suit.

I kind of hope that they all drop the titles when they're a bit older as we're not the most formal people and it kind of feels funny. Although I do kind of get a kick out of hearing my brother Yehuda called Uncle Huda in high pitched little voices.

Amother so my sister/SILs don't figure out my screen name.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 24 2014, 12:45 pm
I grew up calling one uncle dod X, and three others tonton.
Dod X got switched to X alone and it kinda bothers me. In fact especially since my oldest started using it. Good reminder that I need to tell her about kavod and that dod X is so much nicer.

Some of my young cousins are told to call me tata or doda Ruchel. Love it, nicer than full on tante and less old school than cousine Ruchel. But I don't insist on a title though, if they just don't.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jul 24 2014, 8:05 pm
Depends. I had an aunt who was called just Doda, I guess because she was the only aunt on that side. On the other side was Doda Shira, whose sister was Aunt Shoshana and whose brother was Uncle Charlie. Doda Shira has been called just Shira for the past 40 years, though, at her request.

My nieces and nephews on my side used to call me Doda Miriam, but now they just call me Miriam. They're all parents themselves and, while younger than me, are much older than my children, so this doesn't bother me. I'm Doda Miriam to their kids. I'm Aunt Miriam to my nieces and nephews on the other side, who are my children's age or younger.

None of this was really planned; it just evolved. But I'm fine with it. I think it's disrespectful for much younger people to call older people by their given name.
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lfab




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 25 2014, 1:29 pm
amother wrote:
How do you refer to your aunt or uncle? Do you call them by their first name? Or with a title, like uncle Shmuly and aunt Leah?

How do your nieces and nephews call you?
Who gets to choose what you should be called? You or the parents of your nieces or nephews (aka your siblings)?

One of my sisters tells her kids to call me aunt "first name" and it bothers me. I would like to be called by my first name. I think I have a warm relationship with my nieces and nephews and I think the title aunt makes it more formal. I also think it's funny that some nieces and nephews call me aunt and others call me by my first name.

I have already discussed it with her and she has no plans on changing. She believes it's good chinuch for her kids and her chinuch is her choice.
I'm just wondering what is common.


When we had our first chile we decided that we would have our children refer to our siblings using the title aunt and uncle. Some of my siblings did not like this and did not want to be called using a title (all but 1 is younger than me and none were married at the time). However, we, like your sister, felt that this was proper chinuch and insisted that they be referred to by a title in addition to their first name, including my sister who was only 8 at the time. We did, however, let them choose which title they would like to use (tante, aunt, doda...). At this point their all used to it and it no longer bothers anyone.
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rachel91




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 25 2014, 1:36 pm
I call my only aunt, aunt (the russian name for aunt) X.
Now I talk to her much less, than when I was younger, but I still call her this.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 12:52 am
Yes, but it's not good chinuch to teach kids to call people something that they're not comfortable with. Can you come up with a compromise? Like Tante, or nouneh (the greek for 'godmother').
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