Product of a 1-Night Stand

Greenbelle

Wed, Jul 30 2014, 11:32 am

There are some 'gut responses' here; clearly people have been hurt by other's intrusive questions. I do feel that the OP did nothing wrong but it's also clear that the other guest wanted to shock her into silence, which she did, by sharing way too much information and without building up to it.
I have during my life time been in many situations where I wanted to avoid answering intrusive questions so I just prepared my official story and stuck to it. When people get too nosy, I just smile and turn the questions right back on them.... its easy once you practice a bit. Happens all the time... I will pick up someone just to give them a ride and they will ask me personal questions in front of my children, and I just smile and start firing questions right back until they stop.

As far as asking about the ring... I tell them that yes the materials are real. Is it real gold or silver? who knows or even cares as long as it looks pretty... again smile and move on.

If they are absolutely impossible, (which in all likelihood indicates personality disorder or maybe they are on the spectrum) you can always speak in a concrete manner as you would to a 3 year old and say ' I don't feel comfortable with all your questions, let's talk about something else'.

My main point is this. Instead of being annoyed at them, or resenting their intrusiveness, TAKE CONTROL of the situation yourself and put a polite but firm stop to the questioning. Then you won't need to feel resentful or bitter and you can enjoy your life knowing that no one will invade your privacy. We teach others how to treat us and you can do that and maintain your sweet and charming self!!! [/size]

amother

Wed, Jul 30 2014, 3:56 pm

sara_s wrote:

Since it sounds like she was trying to shock you, maybe she wasn't even serious? Sometime I make a joke and people don't realize I'm kidding..

I actually think what she said is hilarious.

It's not impossible that she's come up with this one-liner because other ppl have probed about her older son far too much

watergirl

Wed, Jul 30 2014, 4:28 pm

amother wrote:

I actually think what she said is hilarious.

It's not impossible that she's come up with this one-liner because other ppl have probed about her older son far too much

Exactly.

I am a step mom of a teenager, who lived with us. I am 15 years older than him. People have asked me many times how its possible that I am his mother at my age. After being asked this so many times, I came up with a standard reply. It isnt so nice.

Once, at a Purim seuda, someone asked me how its possible that I am the mother. I placed my hands on my stomach and said "well, if you must know, high school was kinda a rough time for me". Her eyes got so big. So the I said "well, if you ask an inappropriate question, you get inappropriate answer!" And that was that.

Indont think you were inappropriate at all. But she must be overly defencive if she so readily airs her history.

amother

Wed, Jul 30 2014, 7:29 pm

We also used to get so fed up of people asking where we met that I would say "If you must know, he picked me up when I was drunk on the sidewalk in the red light district, and took me home".

Just for the shock value (obviously we chose our audience, we didn't say that to our Rav or to family friends, just to people who would get the joke). It is funnier if you saw us in real life, dh is v v straightlaced and I am a bit ditsy looking.

Sherri

Wed, Jul 30 2014, 9:46 pm

amother wrote:

Many people answer that generically, "Oh, we met through friends", "we worked together back in the day", "someone set us up". Do you think that it's an inappropriate question?

Tablepoetry

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 12:45 am

I don't think asking a couple where they met is out of line. Really, should people just chat about the weather? I think it's perfectly normal to ask someone where they're from, how they met, where they work, etc.

The op was fine. No faux pas there unless she was doing it on purpose. The other woman though gave an answer that is humiliating to her son. It's no one business, the nitty gritty details. If it's a joke, it's a bad one.

If youve got skeletons in your closet, or just awkward history, you've got to find a way to deal with questions with finesse.

heidi

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 1:06 am

Tablepoetry, thanks for saying it for me!
OP, you did nothing wrong. I think asking "where did you meet" questions is a nice way to get to know people bcz. people usually love to talk about themselves, and asking where a couple met actually seems like a very pleasant topic for most couples.
OP, we make assumptions in the frum world, some are legitimate. I think assuming a couple's four children are all biologically theirs is a fair assumption. My friend has a child from her first marriage. When she is asked about the age disparity between him and her younger children, she calmly answers that he is from her first marriage. No feathers ruffled. I think the guest's answer was deliberately provocative and inflammatory. You were totally fine.