Is it possible to have a shomer negiya relationship?

freidasima

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 3:19 pm

Amother what an absolutely nasty thing to say! And to hide behind amother? You should really be ashamed of yourself to write such a thing in general, and today, during the nine days in particular. I am truly hurt that you are not only so nasty but are hiding behind amother to do it. You should truly be ashamed of yourself for your cowardice, and not only for your nastiness.

Besides, you really don't know what's flying do you? I have three unmarried children and only one has just turned 30, the other two are much younger. And all of my children married and single, grew up in the same society, a mixed gender one where touching is considered normal. Social, casual, non sekxual touching. And we live in Yerushalayim, not the UWS nor have my children ever lived in America, they were born and bred here in the holy city.

You are rather nasty you know and I don't even have time to be hurt, tell you the truth I'm a bit more worreid about my son in law and his brother who are about to be taken to the army sunday for 30 days as they are both officers, about my two sons who are probably off to the army wednesday after the fast and from the way it looks going to Gaza, about my husband's cousins sons, four of which are in Gaza right now. That's a bit more serious than responding to a nasty woman who disgustingly tries to hit below some imaginary belt hiding behind amother.

I bless you that you never know from sons and sons in law about to risk their lives to protect the Jewish people. I bless you that you never know from unmarried children. I bless you that you never know from being outside lying on the ground on a highway as I have done several times in the past few weeks as missiles sent to kill you are being shot down by Israeli Iron dome rockets over your head. I bless you that you one day have the menchlichkeit and courage to apologize publicly for trying to hurt me where you would know it would hurt - my beloved children.

sequoia

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 3:31 pm

Omg FS may everything be okay.

freidasima

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 3:33 pm

Yep that's where my head is going to be for the next while.

dimyona

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 3:41 pm

The hate and vitriol that some people have in their hearts really saddens me. Amother that personally attacked FS, I pity you and your perfect life. I'd rather be an unmarried daughter of a kindhearted and intelligent woman like FS, than a never-hugged-married-at-19 daughter of someone who spews such nastiness.

I know this is not the nicest thing to say either, but at least I'm not amother.

amother

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 3:46 pm

FYI
I don't gave children and I have plenty of relatives in the IDF

MaBelleVie

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 3:47 pm

Can someone please get rid of this troll?

Rutabaga

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 3:54 pm

freidasima wrote:

Yep that's where my head is going to be for the next while.

I hope you and yours and all of our brethren living in Israel and fighting for Israel remain safe and healthy.

MaBelleVie

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 3:55 pm

Mods, it should be easy to figure our who amother is now that she reported my post LOL

freidasima

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 4:01 pm

Thank you all.

merelyme

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 5:11 pm

MaBelleVie wrote:

Mods, it should be easy to figure our who amother is now that she reported my post LOL

Only Yael can find out who "amother" is, not mere mortal mods. But it was clearly not the person who reported your post for calling someone a troll.
- merelyme, as mod

amother

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 6:20 pm

freidasima wrote:

My single children are all virgins,

mothers are always the last to know anything.....just saying.

its not like your 17 year old son is gonna come talk to you about the sx he having.

amother

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 6:30 pm

amother wrote:

mothers are always the last to know anything.....just saying.

its not like your 17 year old son is gonna come talk to you about the sx he having.

ug I responded to Freidasima and then I saw the nasty amother. (and this is why you should read the whole thread before answering someone)

fyi im not the same person. I just was making a point that teens dont discuss their sx lives with their moms.

Barbara

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 7:49 pm

amother wrote:

mothers are always the last to know anything.....just saying.

its not like your 17 year old son is gonna come talk to you about the sx he having.

Actually, some do.

But why is this necessary, other than as another personal attack on FS's children, who aren't even here to defend themselves?

ectomorph

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 8:06 pm

Amother, what you said was completely inappropriate. Both amothers.

OTOH, friedasima, volunteering information about your children's virginity is definitely going to steer the conversation in unusual directions.

amother

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 8:14 pm

Quote:

slept with the guys at the pizza shop

Really crass, I must say.

amother

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 8:29 pm

Barbara wrote:

Actually, some do.

But why is this necessary, other than as another personal attack on FS's children, who aren't even here to defend themselves?

no it wasn't a personal attack. I even tried to clarify that after I read the whole thread. I never would say anything specific about FS. I dont even know her. FS- I apologize if I came across that way. it was nothing to do with you.

It was something that jumped out at me in what she said. From my experience, and that of my friends, no one I know would discuss that sort of thing with their frum mothers. so when someone says "I know my kids are xyz", my first thought was "well teens would never tell their mother if they are or are not"

MaBelleVie

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 8:31 pm

Why are you posting as amother?

amother

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 8:52 pm

To return to the original question...

Yes, it is possible. I'm MO. My DH and I were friends for about a year before we started dating. I'm a giyoret, he is BT (became frum in high school). I had had secular dating experiences before becoming Jewish. We met in our early 20s. We got engaged a couple months after we started formally dating, so I guess we weren't "boyfriend/girlfriend" for that long, but our engagement was 8 months long. We were shomer negiah. There were a few times we slipped up, along the lines of briefly holding hands or not being careful about yichud, but otherwise, we didn't touch till we were married. It was hard, but we survived.

amother

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 8:56 pm

MaBelleVie wrote:

Why are you posting as amother?

cause when I have a different opinion than very established posters I am scared to get into a debate. I always come across as the weaker argument cause my language skills are not as good.

ValleyMom

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 9:13 pm

Wow, wow, wow.

I don't typically throw myself into arguments but Freida Sima I am so sorry you were bullied on this site.

This site was created as a space for us women to express ourselves freely and enable us to have strong opinions without being shunned but that was outright bullying and that is NOT acceptable.

It's one thing to believe its okay for people to hug and kiss when they are dating but it's WRONG to assault people verbally-that's hitting way below the belt and quite frankly warrants a public apology.

I've had disagreement via PM which is fine--but this assault was public.