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Forum -> Children's Health -> Toilet Training
How long till you decide he isn't ready?



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sunlight




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 8:59 pm
I've tried a couple times to train my son. Today was my third try. I tried so many bribes to get him to release his urine, but he just wouldn't. When I try to talk to him about it, he starts talking about other things. He is almost three.
Today I tried training him for about 3 hours, and he just held it in. He didn't have an accident. He just held it in. He was wearing only an undershirt and shirt. He sat on potty for a good fifteen minutes, about once or twice an hour.
How many days do I need to try in order to decide that he isn't ready yet?
Another question that I have: is it better for him to have an accident in an underwear or should I leave him without anything? When he is wearing an underwear, he usually forgets it isn't a pamper and urinates. On the other hand, when he is NOT wearing anything, he holds it in, and then I worry he'll get an infection.

Thanks in advance.
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zigi




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 9:10 pm
holding is a good sign it means that he can control his urine. do you run water while he's at the potty or try in the tub?
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sunlight




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 9:15 pm
No I actually just read about that for the first time today. Does that usually or even sometimes work?
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zigi




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 9:21 pm
yes, when they are taking a bath as soon as the water goes on they make.
your son sound stubborn. you might have to wait until he is ready to go by himself. or make it part of your day. we go potty, then diapers etc. or underwear if he will make that way. does he mind being wet?
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bookworm10




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 9:30 pm
I heard that when training, the key to remember is staying dry. Don't try to force him to go. Keep reminding him to stay dry, and that if he does have to go, he should go on the potty.
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sunlight




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 9:51 pm
zigi wrote:
yes, when they are taking a bath as soon as the water goes on they make.
your son sound stubborn. you might have to wait until he is ready to go by himself. or make it part of your day. we go potty, then diapers etc. or underwear if he will make that way. does he mind being wet?


He IS very stubborn. I am not sure if he minds being wet. I think he doesn't like it all that much. So I prob should put on the underwear so he'll have an accident, then I'll see if that in itself is a motivator to stay dry. Problem though with this is that he takes off the underwear, bec he doesn't like it.

I'm really back at my original question, which is how long I should be encouraging him to use potty when he doesn't really want to? I'm worried that he's only getting more stubborn about not using potty as he's getting older. So waiting wouldn't be a great idea.
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sunlight




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 9:52 pm
bookworm10 wrote:
I heard that when training, the key to remember is staying dry. Don't try to force him to go. Keep reminding him to stay dry, and that if he does have to go, he should go on the potty.


The problem with this is that he'll just stay dry. He won't urinate. I don't feel safe stressing on the dry part because he just will hold it in all day.
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Gitch




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 10:02 pm
He's not stubborn, he's developmentally not ready. Don't look at it that he's trying to anger you, he's telling you in his way that he isn't ready.

I would make sitting on the toilet (for no more than 2 minutes) part of the dressing/bathing routine for a few weeks. So, in the morning before dressing and evening before bath and before pjs. If he doesn't make, fine. Just get him used to sitting, without pressure. After a few weeks you can try again with no diaper during the day.

Don't make this a power struggle. It's not worth it for you or him. Do it on his schedule and it will be much easier.
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sunlight




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 10:07 pm
Gitch wrote:
He's not stubborn, he's developmentally not ready. Don't look at it that he's trying to anger you, he's telling you in his way that he isn't ready.

I would make sitting on the toilet (for no more than 2 minutes) part of the dressing/bathing routine for a few weeks. So, in the morning before dressing and evening before bath and before pjs. If he doesn't make, fine. Just get him used to sitting, without pressure. After a few weeks you can try again with no diaper during the day.

Don't make this a power struggle. It's not worth it for you or him. Do it on his schedule and it will be much easier.


I'm not thinking he is trying to anger me. He is developmentally ready, but scared. He is frightened. Just like he was ready to walk much earlier than he actually did because he was scared. He needs to be pushed to do it. I've tried putting him on toilet just like right before bath as you say, but he refuses to sit on it.
Would you say this means that he isn't developmentally ready, because of this fear of his? Also, I have pressure from his playgroup. They'd rather him be trained. Most of the kids there are trained.
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Lady Bug




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 10:17 pm
Buy the book "toilet training in a day".
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Gitch




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 10:25 pm
yes, I would say being afraid is not developmentally ready. Also, are you using toilet or potty. Some of my kids preferred the potty on the floor as it felt more secure.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 10:29 pm
Three hours is not enough... It's a process. Give it a few days in a row. Let him choose a spot that he feels comfortable peeing- either a toilet or a potty or a diaper in the potty. Whatever. Let him gradually get used to the idea of letting go when he isn't covered. Let him decide if he wants to sit or stand. Give him as much freedom and control as possible.
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sunlight




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 10:45 pm
Lady Bug wrote:
Buy the book "toilet training in a day".


I did thanks. Doesn't work for him.

Gitch, he's using a potty.

MaBelleVie, hey that idea of a diaper in the potty might work. Yes, I didn't either three hours is enough to judge by. Thanks for your input. I'm going to try Friday and shabbos as well.

Thanks everyone. I really feel good that ya all are trying to help me!!
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shira143




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 11:53 pm
I think generally the child is ready when the parent has the time and patience to toliet train. I worked in daycare with older three year olds who weren't fully potty trained (pull ups all day or nap time, or only bm in pullup etc..). We were consistent in sending them to the potty and urged parents to do the samee. It always worked. Sure they have accidents but they were eventually potty trained
If you are consistent and his caretakers or school is as well, itll happen. Excite him with big boy underwear, or dance when he actually goes. It takes time and patience, I really would not put a time limit on it.
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sunlight




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 11:58 pm
shira143 wrote:
I think generally the child is ready when the parent has the time and patience to toliet train. I worked in daycare with older three year olds who weren't fully potty trained (pull ups all day or nap time, or only bm in pullup etc..). We were consistent in sending them to the potty and urged parents to do the samee. It always worked. Sure they have accidents but they were eventually potty trained
If you are consistent and his caretakers or school is as well, itll happen. Excite him with big boy underwear, or dance when he actually goes. It takes time and patience, I really would not put a time limit on it.


Thank you for your answer. What would you do if a child refuses to make in potty? Give them back their pull up eventually?
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