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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
Ok to send my 14 dd to social skills in secular environmen?



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amother


 

Post Fri, Aug 01 2014, 5:34 am
DD 14 yrs just diagnosed aspergers. Really struggling socially and getting herself into lots of trouble in school and camp. I am told by her dr. and therapist that she really needs the social skills help in a group setting.
I live in an out of town community. there are no "frum' social skills groups. There is an excellent one that is not frum/jewish.
What am I to do?
Can I send her to it? Will she learn 'bad' things from the others?
We've tried putting together a frum group but it does not seem to be happening.
Help?
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amother


 

Post Fri, Aug 01 2014, 6:35 am
I did it with my son when he was 6. So at that age there really was no worry. I think you'd be doing her a great disservice to not try and help her in this area.

The average kid, especially one with special needs, is nothing to be scared of in a formal supervised setting.
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skcomputer




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 01 2014, 6:52 am
My niece was a bit older (18) when she started the social skill class. She lives in Israel but the class was not necessarily for dati kids. They did activities together like eating out and other field trips, but since it was in Israel, it worked out okay for her. You could ask about what activities they do and see if they can make adjustments where necessary. I think one of the boys in her class called her a few times and wanted to go out, but she politely declined.

Bottom line, this class was the best thing that ever happened to my niece. She really learned a tremendous amount and because of that class she was able to get a job and has been a valuable and stable employee for many years (she's 28 now). The class also gave her a lot of skills for interacting with the family. She is a far happier person now than she was before the class.
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amother


 

Post Fri, Aug 01 2014, 7:23 am
See if there are other frum families interested in starting a group. I also live out-of-town, and once I let word get out that my son was diagnosed with ASD all of the frum families with similar diagnoses started coming out of the wood-work. They aren't public with their children's diagnoses, which is their choice, but they were happy to talk with me about it once they knew about my son's diagnosis.

That having been said, if it was my child I would join the not-frum group assuming that there are no overt hashkafic issues (non-Jewish holidays, appropriate trip locations, etc.). My husband and I consciously decided that we would rather our son possibly have exposures that we normally eschew (for example, his social skills group is run by Friendship Circle but co-ed and we normally wouldn't allow our children to socialize with the opposite gender) if it means a viable chance at being a socially adept, successful adult. We realize that the social skills group may lead him to ultimately think that it is ok to be friends with girls (something that we wouldn't normally encourage) but we would rather that he be friends with girls AND be able to successfully socialize than grow up to be a misanthrope. Sometimes, the right choice in a specific situation isn't what you otherwise think is the right choice globally.
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amother


 

Post Fri, Aug 01 2014, 12:54 pm
op here. Thank you all so much for the insightful responses. I would love to hear more!
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monseychick




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 01 2014, 1:08 pm
amother wrote:
See if there are other frum families interested in starting a group. I also live out-of-town, and once I let word get out that my son was diagnosed with ASD all of the frum families with similar diagnoses started coming out of the wood-work. They aren't public with their children's diagnoses, which is their choice, but they were happy to talk with me about it once they knew about my son's diagnosis.

That having been said, if it was my child I would join the not-frum group assuming that there are no overt hashkafic issues (non-Jewish holidays, appropriate trip locations, etc.). My husband and I consciously decided that we would rather our son possibly have exposures that we normally eschew (for example, his social skills group is run by Friendship Circle but co-ed and we normally wouldn't allow our children to socialize with the opposite gender) if it means a viable chance at being a socially adept, successful adult. We realize that the social skills group may lead him to ultimately think that it is ok to be friends with girls (something that we wouldn't normally encourage) but we would rather that he be friends with girls AND be able to successfully socialize than grow up to be a misanthrope. Sometimes, the right choice in a specific situation isn't what you otherwise think is the right choice globally.


This is a very wise woman who thinks outside the box
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