Not fasting - how to keep inspired?

amother

Sat, Aug 02 2014, 8:33 pm

...so my father just called to tell me that he personally spoke to the Skvere Dayan (we're not Skvere but my father asks them medical she'ilos), who said forcefully that because I have hypoglycemia and am B"H in my 8th month I should not fast on Tuesday. I was gobsmacked, but both Dad and DH agree, and of course this is da'as Torah but...

I know that this is my Yetzer Hora telling me that I'll be doing the "wrong thing" to eat on Tisha B'Av, but how can I keep the inspiration of the day while doing what I need to for my health and kids? Usually, while playing play-doh and paint and cheerio necklaces all day, I at least "rely" on the fact that I am fasting to remind me of the sadness of the day. But now that I'll be eating as well, any suggestions for how I can be present in the mourning without fasting or kinnos or other inspiration as I am Mommy? (I do read as much as I can Tisha B'Av night, at least.)

Sorry if this sounds too navel-gazing. I'm just trying to... do the best I can and do the right thing.

Learning

Sat, Aug 02 2014, 9:00 pm

I think by eating even though you really want to fast and be sad on this day you are showing that you are sincere. Even though you want to fast you are listening to daas tora and eating. You are taking care of your baby and making sure he is healthy. You can still be sad. You can be sad that you have to eat. That you are not healthy enough to fast. You can still mourn the churban by remembering it and even talking sbout it with dc.

Mama Bear

Sat, Aug 02 2014, 9:22 pm

I dont fast on tisha b'av when pg or nursing (I ask a shayla every time) and I have no problem keeping the inspiration, as a matter of fact, I can concentrate on the kinnos much better when not on an empty stomach. I just have a hard time keeping the inspiration bc bh my kids dont let me Very Happy

gittelchana

Sat, Aug 02 2014, 10:02 pm

amother wrote:

Read Eicha as much as you can and eat only what's necessary. Hug

FranticFrummie

Sat, Aug 02 2014, 10:35 pm

I manage by only drinking plain water, and eating things that I'm not really crazy about. Plain boiled eggs, plain oatmeal, salad without dressing. Think healthy, but not fancy.

Daven very hard that this time next year NONE of us will have to face questions about fasting, because we'll all be busy celebrating!

mdoif

Sun, Aug 03 2014, 2:58 am

Fasting is only part of the day. Read Eichah, listen to shiurim (I find R' Shimshon Pincus Z"L very inspiring), meditate about the churban and the great loss klal Yisroel had, and above all refrain from any activity that will take your mind off mourning. The last part is actually halacha - one must not be מסיח דעת (take the mind away) from the mourning.

ectomorph

Sun, Aug 03 2014, 8:30 am

I'm not fasting either and I'm a little worried about it. We asked our family Rav who said I shouldn't even try to do shiurim (as I used to before I was married.)

On the one hand, I'm so relieved because fasting even with shiurim always made me really sick. OTOH how is Tisha B'av going to feel with eating and drinking?

FF I liked your suggestion about sticking to healthy food I don't love.

Maybe now that I'm not fasting I can go to one of these events though without risking needing to break the fast early.

amother

Sun, Aug 03 2014, 9:16 am

I have a congenital heart condition that precludes fasting because I need to stay well hydrated. On Yom Kippur I'm required to drink shiurim (which is torture by the way, I can't go to shul, can't Daven with too much kavana at home because I have to watch the clock, and I still feel weak at the end even though I haven't been "fasting")
Tisha Ba'av I eat and drink "normally" (though very simply) and find that I have a much easier time 'feeling' the day than when I was young (and stupid) and used to try to fast. I used to feel incredibly dizzy and often faint so wasn't able to daven, learn kinnus, watch any appropriate 'movies' etc. or do much of anything besides lie in bed and sleep or stare into space.
Now I do all of the above. Though this year I suspect I won't need to do anything more than read the Israel news to get in the 'mood' Crying

amother

Sun, Aug 03 2014, 9:23 am

original OP here.

Thank you so much for all these responses!!! This is what I love about this site -no matter where you are or what situation you are in, there are other women in klal Yisrael who can identify or sympathize or encourage you!!!

I love these ideas. (previous amother, you awe me - wow.)

I think I"m going to collect some info about the Israel war unfortunately and some books about E"Y/churban and read to my kids (they love "action" and of course I'll edit out the nightmare-inducing bits but letting them know about the suffering in EY even a little bit will put us in the mood.) Getting books about the churban will help me too - reading to them occupies them and inspires me (and my throat won't be dry because I'll be drinking!)

I also like the "healthy not fancy" idea. That's a great one.

THANK YOU FOR THESE SUGGESTIONS AND SUPPORT! Now I'm really encouraged.

boysrus

Sun, Aug 03 2014, 8:22 pm

I am also not fasting, as it would be dangerous for me with the medical condition that I am sufering from right now in pregnancy. The RAv said to me that my mitzva is 'vechai bochem' , we are not supposed to die to do teh mitzvah.

I agree with a previous poster who said that it wont be too hard to feel sad this year, I also feel that way.

amother

Sun, Aug 03 2014, 10:30 pm

I have atrial fibrillation - which only happens once in a while. But since I had it pretty recently my doctor didn't want me to fast & become dehydrated.

I was quite surprised that my Rov said to drink shiurim.