What happened to my DD??

amother

Sun, Aug 03 2014, 8:44 pm

My 10yr old DD is very private and introverted, although she is very social when with friends. She likes to spend most of her time alone in her room, playing with her dolls, reading etc.. Lately she is spending nearly all her time there and is angry and upset with me, because I didnt arrange a sleepover birthday party for her. She kept changing her mind on whether she wanted one and it just didnt end up happening. She says I'm the worst mother in the world and all that. Shes being moody and mean to her younger sister with whom she doesnt get along at all. She says she htes our family and wishes she could belong to a different one!

Where on earth did I go wrong?? What can I do to make this better? I'm like the most dedicated mother ever, always doing stuff for my kids, so I really didnt expect this!

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Aug 03 2014, 9:00 pm

Is she nine? Hormones?

Food allergy?

PANDAS?

Is somebody hassling her, impinging on her? Sleepovers are rather intimate things.

She may have conflicting feelings about them she couldn't resolve and wishes you could have helped with that, which of course, you couldn't.

If it's hormones, let her do some hard physical exertion, whether outdoors or just helping you in your own labors which I am sure would tire out anybody. Do not spare her. Courteously and gratefully, make her iron and fold, prep food, and wash dishes. Praise her contribution, and tell the whole table she made the soup, yum yum. Show pride and gratitude.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Aug 04 2014, 9:29 am

amother wrote:

Is there a huge difference between 9 and 10??

It depends on the kid. DD started giving me a hard time at 10, and it was 100% hormones.

I sat down with her and explained how the chemistry in her body was going to be making her brain a bit wonky for a while, and how it will affect her moods. I told her that her feelings are perfectly valid. She's allowed to have her feelings BUT she is still responsible for acting on them. There will be no door slamming, talking back, or general disrespect. She's welcome to sulk in her room, and I'm always happy to talk to her when she feels like she can discuss things calmly.

I told her that I went through it at age 10 through 12, and that it was really hard for me, so I understand how she's feeling. All of her friends will be moody, too. You'll be best friends one minute, and not speaking to each other the next. You just gotta go with the flow, and try to hang on.

Make sure that she knows that you're on her team. We call it "Team Tween"! This is a great time for bonding, and your extra effort to be patient and understanding will be what carries her through the rest of her teen years. Try talking with her like an adult, be respectful of what she says, and see if you two can work out a compromise. Don't be afraid to say things like "I'm sorry that you feel like I didn't care about your birthday. What can we do to make it up?"