Are Gerim Coming to Dinner?!

busydev

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 5:59 pm

tigerwife wrote:

I believe in the Chofetz Chaim's "Guard Your Tongue" it says that one shouldn't discuss/relate a person's background if they are a Ger or BT or generally 'Frummer Than Before'. You might know a million BTs/Gerim who are really comfortable discussing their past, but that doesn't mean every one is, or would be happy if others knew about their pasts.

I see. thanks.

tho the issur according to the torah would be to talk to the geirim themselves? (I remember there being a place in Torah where that is written straight out) again I could be wrong.

and not to worry AFAIK I have never asked a Ger about their past or a BT either. unless they brought it up.

Dandelion1

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 6:07 pm

It's interesting because I have clearly Spanish/nonjewish last name, and people are frequently interested and ask about it.... Where was your fil from, etc. I've never taken it as anything other than an interest in cultural ancestry. Although no one has ever seemed to assume that the name implied conversion per se. I'm kinda surprised that they automatically assumed that....

amother

Sun, Aug 03 2014, 8:29 am

I shared this in the closed forum for Baalei Teshuva/Gerim, but I wanted to repost here because I feel so strongly about this topic:

Questions like this make me incensed! I am far from the sharpest tool in the shed, but if even I know it is assur to ask such questions, how is it not common knowledge?!?

We had this uncomfortable question at a Shabbos meal just yesterday, where my husband was asked if he grew up religious, and when he answered honestly that no, he didn't, another guest said, "May I ask you a personal question..." and, I guess thinking he had then exculpated himself by prefacing it with that, proceeded to interrogate him about his religious journey. [Side note: My husband is learning in kollel and was the only person at the table with smicha -- I share this to say that we -- or more truthfully, HE -- is no slouch. But NO ONE should be subjected to this kind of questioning]

It's been bothering me all day. The next time someone asks that, I want to say, "Would you like to know how much I weigh, too? Because that's also a very personal question, but at least it's not assur to ask!"

My husband says we have to talk to our rabbi before I start using that one Very Happy

Smile ... wouldn't want to embarrass people, even though they have no problem embarrassing us! Sad

Sad

If you know a BT/Ger who doesn't mind sharing their story... then you know ONE BT/Ger who doesn't mind sharing their story. That doesn't mean that everyone else feels the same or that you are entitled to a full run-down on everyone you meet. My story is mine and I have the right to share (or not share) it with whom I want. I don't exist to be curiosity in your zoo or some Aish-y inspiration piece for you. The attitude I see from certain segments of the Jewish world is so appalling.

On the other hand, there are those incredibly yashar and temimusdik people who, despite having all the yichus and FFB credentials in the world, somehow manage to give everyone they encounter the privacy respect they deserve as fellow members of klal Yisroel. Those people are my inspiration. It's not impossible -- we could all work hard to get there.

abound

Sun, Aug 03 2014, 8:39 am

How about: May I ask you a personal question? THe answer is, here at the seuda???
My parents always have lots of guest by their table. THere was this one guy who was a Ger and before Shabbos he came with a booklet typed up with his whole journey of life typed up with frequently asked questions. He then had a page full of the kinds of foods he likes and wants prepared.
My parents really did not want to invite him again. THey had no problem preparing the foods he wants, but they were very thrown off, it was like giving them this booklet saying I think you are horrible people, and will ask me rude and invasive questions, I just need a meal with certain foods so please make it for me and shut up.
FYI< My parents would not allow any personal questkons by their table, they are not like that. But then they decided that he msut be asked his life story every week by the meal and has no patience anymore. So they kept having him.

Mrs Bissli

Mon, Aug 04 2014, 1:11 pm

Ruchel wrote:

Rodriguez is among samech tet names. They can get Spanish citizenship. Just tell her that.

Yup. Very true. We've got a couple of real blue-blooded Sephardi families including Rodriguez, Rodriguez-Pereira, Pereira-Mendoza, Lopes-Mendozas (and any similar combinations of them). By contrast, Goldsteins and Zuckerbergs are newcomers...

Also my gripe that people don't seem to have narrow concept of "jewish names", Hakimians, Shababs, Sacerdotis are VERY Jewish names by us.