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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
Help me with aggressive 7yo



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amother


 

Post Mon, Aug 18 2014, 3:54 pm
7yo DS is an angel in school, not a bully or a leader but friendly, participates in class, is doing well.

However, at home he is impossible. He bothers the other kids, takes things away from them, will hurt them if they do something he doesn't like - or sometimes just for fun! He will, for example, davka sit in a chair he knows a sibling was going for, just to rile them up. He can play nicely with them also so he's not all bad!

I need advice. How do I help him? Consequences don't help- BTDT. I'm not comfortable with that anyway because this is a matter of mentchlichkeit, not "you didn't pack up toys so you can't play with them today" kind if thing.

This post is actually partly inspired by the House Rules thread. An amother wrote on there about using authority sparingly and it really resonated with me. I may be going overboard with this and this particular kid maybe doesn't respond well to it.

So I need to help him have another outlet. What can I suggest that he do when he feels like hurting/annoying/taking? What's stimulating him here?
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amother


 

Post Mon, Aug 18 2014, 4:10 pm
He may be looking for attention and pushing limits to see your reaction. So consider implementing consistent limits and giving him positive attention when he is not acting up. Or giving one on one attention and spending some alone time with him.
Additionally, in response to your not liking consequences related to hurting people - I think it is a great consequence to say - if you are hurting other people then you can't be around them until you can act properly around other people. It is similar with toys - if you don't know how to take care of toys then you can't play with them. If you are not acting like a Mentch (don't know how to act around other people) then you can't be around other people.

You probably should consider why consequences are not working. It might be that you are not consistent or that they might not be the right consequences. Some of my kids will have a big tantrum at when they receive a consequence - but after a few times of getting the consequence they realize I do not give in and they start getting it.

Hope this helped.
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