Sibling stress | Imamother

seeker

Mon, Aug 25 2014, 2:30 am

So you've heard about my toddler sleep saga. It's still a work in progress. Tonight she was having a hard time with it and DD#1 (3 1/2) also wasn't asleep yet at the time. Both kids wanted me. Only me. Toddler goes hysterical if I leave. Preschooler has slightly more restraint but I think is also deeply hurt that on one hand she isn't supposed to have those kinds of hysterics but on the other hand she gets put second because she doesn't scream as loud, or something. A couple of times I put my foot down and told toddler, it's big sister's turn, and went to her - but the screaming was so disruptive DD#1 just complained that she was getting a headache from the screaming. I kept going back and forth feeling guilty that neither one was quite getting what they needed.

At one point DD#1 said "I wish we didn't have that baby. She always screams at night and doesn't let me sleep." I feel terrible.

She's generally been having a hard time with the sibling thing and I've been meaning to both come here for advice as well as order the "Siblings Without Rivalry" book I've heard about. Meanwhile the bedtime thing is just killing me. As if it wasn't hard enough just to have a toddler who doesn't sleep, there's a whole added dimension of it disturbing the peace between the sisters.

But we're also having a really hard streak of what seems to be insecurity or also resentment... I've dealt with garden variety competition throughout the past two years but this seems to be a whole new level. Of course I always try to spread out attention and compliments as equally as possible, plus extra doses of "big girl" praise and privileges to DD#1, and I make sure to spend extra quality time with her alone while DD#2 naps, but she is still being really difficult with things like always pushing to be first and have the most of everything, taking things away from little sis, saying resentful things... it's so sad. She always used to be so loving and they have really enjoyed each other's company a lot.

Advice please about getting out of this funk?

seeker

Mon, Aug 25 2014, 11:22 pm

That worked when she was 2 and the baby was a baby. Unfortunately there seems to be something deeper going on here and I wish I knew how to give her what she needs Sad

She just seems so needy... and is making it so hard with all the acting out. This is so classic and yet somehow I don't feel like I'm managing it very well Sad

Today wasn't SO bad but it was still pretty challenging! And that was only really half the day because I had an appointment in the afternoon and took my time getting back. SIGH. I sure hope this is just a passing phase... and that it passes quickly with no lasting damage!