Is it ok for them to ask us to limit electronics?

33055

Wed, Aug 27 2014, 12:54 pm

debsey wrote:

We were hosted by my brother's family, and he has MUCH looser rules about internet, iPads, secular videos. I didn't say a word to him - he's the host - he has every right to have whatever standard he wishes to have in his home. I made my kids a deal - if they don't watch things on my nephew's iPad (I signed a paper with their school and I can't be a liar, plus my nephew's idea of "totally clean and appropriate" and mine are vastly different) then at the end of the trip, they will be allowed to watch ONE secular movie from my brother's collection (a movie that I vetted and that I know to be clean).

Well, BOY did I get a speech from my brother about being a "typical Lakewood hypocrite" claiming not to watch movies but then letting my kids watch one - I didn't want to say - well, your kids watch things DAILY that I would not subject my children to (the violence! the gore! the language! even forgetting tznius...) and we made a deal - but I felt that it was the best compromise. I just said "you're entitled to your opinion" and left it at that.

Just hearing "no, no, no" for a week would make my kids resent it. This way, we had a deal, I allowed them to have a tiny taste of "forbidden fruit", and they really were honorable about not watching the other stuff. I consider myself a wise mother, NOT a hypocrite. One son's reaction - THAT's a secular movie? I liked (insert your popular Jewish knockoff movie here) better........
So, what do you think? Am I a hypocrite? I would consider it poor manners to impose my standard on my brother for a week, when he's hosting me.

Debsey,

I hear you and I wouldn't presume to judge you. I certainly wouldn't call you a hypocrite. I couldn't do that because the paper I signed doesn't have an exception for being hosted for a week. I wouldn't do that because IMO using the forbidden fruit as a reward is not the right message I want to send.

Now tell me your thoughts about this scenario. I visited my handicapped mom daily and she watched TV. I allowed my children to watch certain cartoons while we were with her as they were too young to leave alone and they were attached to her. My mom got to see her grandchild but she was too ill to more than greet them and talk for 5 minutes. It gave my mom and I a chance to talk. I could sit with her and hold her hand if she wasn't up to talking. Besides she liked TV. I could check on her care and the kids were babysat by a TV. Am I a hypocrite? Is the difference I informed the school? BH the school did not deny my request.

debsey

Wed, Aug 27 2014, 1:16 pm

Squishy wrote:

I totally hear your situation, and I don't consider you a hypocrite. Happens to be, I did inform the school (mostly because the principal and I were talking this issue in general, and I ran my handling of it by him)
He was laughing, because he knows this is a rule more honored in the breach in his school. Most families sign the paper, and then do what they want, in that particular school (which is why my younger kids go to a different school!) He said - I know you and trust your judgement.
In this case, it's not so much that the forbidden fruit was a reward - it was more telling them - yes, there are good things "out there". Mixed in with all the shtus is some good movies with great lessons. But since the "shtus" is so overpowering, and since it's a slippery slope, we're going to avoid 99% of this. Let's err on the side of caution (just like I wouldn't eat that fish in Japan that is usually a delicacy but has a 1 in 10,000 chance of being poisonous. The delicacy isn't worth the risk, to me....) BUT I also don't want you guys to feel deprived, so here's the deal.

The movie I let them watch was How To Eat Fried Worms, which teaches a great lesson about bullying (if you've read my posts, you'll know that this is a hot-button issue for me), doesn't have gratuitous violence/bad language, and is good fodder for a lot of talks on the issue of friendship and bullying. Yes, there is a girl who dresses not so tznius in it, but nothing innapropriate - just typical 11 year old girl wear for standard Americans.

Normally, I wouldn't open the "movie" door for them. But given the situation,it was the best I could come up with.

And yes, it was frustrating when my kids wanted to connect with their cousins and play basketball or swim or schmooze and whatever, but they were zoned out connected to their screens. They genuinely like each other, but the screen dominates attention.........

granolamom

Wed, Aug 27 2014, 8:57 pm

amother wrote:

Is it really so common to bring along "electronics" when vacationing? I guess I'm surprised by how many people on this thread seem to think so.

We're a no-TV family but because of kids with ADHD we've been using videos too much this summer. I just told the kids that there are no more videos for 2 months because I don't like the effect it has on their behavior. (Sure they're quiet while they're watching the video, but afterward their behavior is much worse.) I really don't like what "electronics" do to my kids (and to me as well). Am I a dinosaur??

I am not at all embarrassed to say that when we traveled to Israel we brought 2 ipads plus 3 iphones along. It made the time at the airport and on the plane bearable. at home we have no tv, my kids get 30 min screentime after homework, but when traveling overseas I am happy for my 4 yo to watch 8 hrs straight of berenstain bears. so yes, we had all of our electronics with us. I believe there's a time and a place, 2 am with a jet-lagged 7 yo is the time and the place to bring out the ipad, imo. one of my kids got strep while we were there and yes, he spent a full day playing on my phone. we had a really nice time with family and no problems with the kids' post video behavior.
judging by the number of kids with devices on our flight, I would say that its fairly common to bring electronics along.