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Why I hate frugal living
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amother


 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 5:08 pm
Sometimes I try so hard, but I get stalled at every turn. This month I saved a lot on hard cheese by buying blocks when they were on half price sale and keeping them in the freezer.

But tonight I was late home from work, dh decided to make supper, cheesy toast, and couldn't find the cheese in the fridge as I hadn't got the next block out, so he went to the closest and most expensive shop and bought a big convenience bag of pre grated cheese, and made a delicious meal for when I got home.

I was so happy he was so thoughtful, but then all shock that he basically blew half my weeks budget on cheese when we didn't even need it and now I'm going to have to do some very careful balancing to work out next shabbos (BH already bought chicken and veg for this shabbos).

What can I say? Not his fault I don't share my micromanaged household budget, and he was so sweet making a meal, but oh no, will have to have cereal for lunch every day next week (me, not him) to catch up Rolling Eyes
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chaos




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 6:20 pm
With food, I draw the line of whether or not frugality is worth it at wasting food. I would rather spend the extra money per serving by not buying in bulk or on more convenient smaller size packaging instead of save money per serving buying food that will go bad before it can get eaten.
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dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 6:27 pm
amother wrote:
Sometimes I try so hard, but I get stalled at every turn. This month I saved a lot on hard cheese by buying blocks when they were on half price sale and keeping them in the freezer.

But tonight I was late home from work, dh decided to make supper, cheesy toast, and couldn't find the cheese in the fridge as I hadn't got the next block out, so he went to the closest and most expensive shop and bought a big convenience bag of pre grated cheese, and made a delicious meal for when I got home.

I was so happy he was so thoughtful, but then all shock that he basically blew half my weeks budget on cheese when we didn't even need it and now I'm going to have to do some very careful balancing to work out next shabbos (BH already bought chicken and veg for this shabbos).

What can I say? Not his fault I don't share my micromanaged household budget, and he was so sweet making a meal, but oh no, will have to have cereal for lunch every day next week (me, not him) to catch up Rolling Eyes


Aww that's sweet but also sucks. Why don't you clue him in to your "micromanaged household budget?"
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amother


 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 6:41 pm
dancingqueen wrote:
Aww that's sweet but also sucks. Why don't you clue him in to your "micromanaged household budget?"


I thought I had, I didn't realise he threw a big mental off switch whenever I talk about how much groceries cost and what I am saving/ spending, and proudly show him my voucher savings etc.

Bless. I would be happy to live on cereal or stale bread for a week or two if he is prepared to get over his kitchen and oven phobia enough to make a meal for me out of pure love, it is totally worth it! I count my blessings every day, some days count more than others LOL
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 7:03 pm
All self-help publications should come with a sticker advising readers that self-help books are a smorgasbord, not a blue-plate dinner. IOW, the reader is being presented a large array of ideas from which to select whatever is most suitable or most appealing. No one is expected to swallow all of it. Do you usually use--or even try-- every single recipe in your cookbooks? Do you read every entry in your encyclopedia or every article in your magazines?

OBVIOUSLY an Orthodox Jewish family living in urban or suburban Northeastern USA can never hope to live as cheaply as a secular or even an observant Protestant family of the same size, especially if said family is living on a farm in West Virginia. And just as obviously, living on a farm in West Virginia, or even a house in Pocatello, Idaho, is seldom if ever going to be an option for the typical Orthodox Jewish family.

So what? The Tightwad Gazette is not the Bible. It's a book, period. You leaf through, you try a few things that sound appealing, you ignore or adapt whatever is clearly not apropos. No, you can't make soup out of ALL your leftovers, but you can decide to collect all milchik, or all fleishik, or all pareve leftovers and make soup from those. You may not be able to buy your yeshivish sons' clothing at yard sales, but you might find baby clothes.
You obviously can't raise pigs, or hunt deer for meat over the winter, but you MIGHT be able to raise a couple of hens. Or maybe only some nice tomatoes in a pot on the sill of your inner-city apartment window. It's still something.

In any case, frugal living is not an all-or-nothing proposition. Some people are frugal in some areas in order to be able to splurge in others. Some enjoy the challenge and do it for fun whether they need to or not, while others do it only when finances are tight and they have no choice. And some people find that sometimes spending good money on something is the frugal choice in the long run. There's no right or wrong way to live frugally, and no actual imperative to do so if your financial state is good. Wasting money is a sin, but if you're blessed with the kind of income that lets you buy what you want, when you want, great. J

But PLEASE don't toss that Tightwad Gazette in the trash. Donate it to your public library, pass it along to a friend, or send it to me. Moderate frugalista that I am, I borrowed it from the library but wouldn't mind having my own copy if I got it for free.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 7:09 pm
Books like the Tightwad Gazette are there to give you ideas. No one's telling you to go live the author's life; it's pretty extreme. But she can open your eyes to things that would work for you.

If you prefer to earn the extra money you need rather than living frugally, there's a big cost to that. You lose time with your family, and you have less energy. Many of the "frugal" things, like washing dishes instead of using disposables, can be done with your family and can be nice bonding time.

I think the best part of books like the Tightwad Gazette is getting you to examine your attitudes about money, and free yourself from feeling resentful if you have to be budget conscious.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 7:37 pm
OP's post has it right. Careful but not stressed or negative. Very good balance.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 9:03 pm
chatz wrote:
Either you spend less or you make more.


They're not mutually exclusive, any more than exercising more and eating less are mutually exclusive. It's usually least painful to do a little of both.
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mirror




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 9:12 pm
If you write a book (like the Tightwad Gazette) and it becomes a National Bestseller, then you don't need to be frugal anymore. Wink
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mirror




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 9:36 pm
dancingqueen wrote:
Aww that's sweet but also sucks. Why don't you clue him in to your "micromanaged household budget?"


Thumbs Up

Without communication, how is he supposed to know:

1. How much your food budget is and

2. The difference in price between grated cheese and a cheese block and

3. Where you keep your blocks of cheese in the freezer?
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 9:59 pm
OPINIONATED wrote:
If you write a book (like the Tightwad Gazette) and it becomes a National Bestseller, then you don't need to be frugal anymore. Wink


For many frugality is a way of life beyond necessity. See Warren Buffet.
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SRS




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 11:02 pm
superdanni wrote:
For many frugality is a way of life beyond necessity. See Warren Buffet.


Modesty is always in style.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 11:29 pm
I live frugally so I can splurge when I want to without going into debt.
I coupon and shop sales, accept hand me downs, buy the minimum amount of clothes needed to make it through each season with frequent washing, almost never eat out, don't spend money on babysitters for date nights etc. However this has allowed me to afford dental work for my family, a nice vacation so we can recharge our batteries and bond as a family ( don't get me wrong, it was planned so as not to be wasteful but the money that would have gone to food for the previous six months was now available for leisure). I also firmly believe that while time is money, working more hours for me means more time away from my family whereas the frugal things I do can be done late at night when my kids are sleeping. so if there is a need that I can't frugal my way out of I will work extra but even though per hour I make less couponing then working, I can stop to calm a child with a nightmare or put up a pot of soup when I'm couponing, not so much when I'm out at my job.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 11:32 pm
There are different ways of being frugal.

You can:

1. do without (use public transportation instead of a car; use fans and cool showers instead of a.c.)
2. do with less (own 1 pair of shoes instead of 20; eat out twice a year instead of once a month)
3. substitute (go on vacation to a closer or cheaper place; buy generic instead of name brand)
4. buy the same things you already buy, but for cheaper.

I think I"m pretty good at doing 1,2 and 3, but have a very hard time with 4.
I am not good at getting "metzias." I never seem to get the best deal on anything. I can never get "give-aways" when I need or want them (if people do offer me cast-offs, it's things I don't want or can't use.) I think I need to shift focus away from #4 because it just frustrates me.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 11:37 pm
zaq wrote:

But PLEASE don't toss that Tightwad Gazette in the trash. Donate it to your public library, pass it along to a friend, or send it to me. Moderate frugalista that I am, I borrowed it from the library but wouldn't mind having my own copy if I got it for free.


I might consider swapping it with you for a different book.
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amother


 

Post Fri, Aug 29 2014, 2:16 am
OPINIONATED wrote:
Thumbs Up

Without communication, how is he supposed to know:

1. How much your food budget is and

2. The difference in price between grated cheese and a cheese block and

3. Where you keep your blocks of cheese in the freezer?


For crying out loud, he does, he does, he has been shown, he doesn't take it in because he is a ditsy man who never goes in the kitchen and we are both happy like that.

And I was perfectly happy about the situation, read my post.

Never let it be said that people on here can be dlkz to each other even when I was being so to my dh, not criticising him at all, just delighted he did me such a big favor, even if he did blow my budget in the process. It was worth it for me, read what I wrote!

You guys have such a way of draining the positive out a post and pulling it apart to find some way of making someone feel bad Sad just plain mean.
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 29 2014, 8:16 am
amother wrote:
For crying out loud, he does, he does, he has been shown, he doesn't take it in because he is a ditsy man who never goes in the kitchen and we are both happy like that.

And I was perfectly happy about the situation, read my post.

Never let it be said that people on here can be dlkz to each other even when I was being so to my dh, not criticising him at all, just delighted he did me such a big favor, even if he did blow my budget in the process. It was worth it for me, read what I wrote!

You guys have such a way of draining the positive out a post and pulling it apart to find some way of making someone feel bad Sad just plain mean.


I just don't get why you have to have cereal for dinner when you have a ton of cheese in the freezer.
And why you are the one who has to eat cereal if he is the one who messed up.
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Imogen




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 29 2014, 4:37 pm
I totally understand and agree Op. Good to be careful but life is for living. We all find ways to make sure we can still keep the occasional luxury or treat. When newly married and saving for this and that we only ate meat or fish on Shabbat, survived on lots of pulses, cheesy items and heaps of vegetables. Now much older and secure, I still relish buying treats for family to enjoy, remembering how careful I had to be when young. But I learnt to avoid those who love to broadcast their bargain hunting skills and frugality, listening to them always brought out the worst in me, making me cherish even more the cappucino and pastry I had indulged in that week. Puritanism is not my thing, be frugal but don't take the joy out of living whilst you are at it.

Tip as a mil, if you have newly wed kids doing their best to cope alone as well as study and work, think of giving them treats they cannot yet afford, it does not just make you feel good but contributes to the shalom bayis of your married children. I know many parents help kids out, I know some cannot afford to or are not interested in, but a gesture such as paying for a young couple to go out, or babysit, have a manicure, even for a ds to give his wife flowers for shabbat help to make young married life more bearable.
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amother


 

Post Fri, Aug 29 2014, 6:21 pm
sabich wrote:
a gesture such as paying for a young couple to go out, or babysit, have a manicure, even for a ds to give his wife flowers for shabbat help to make young married life more bearable.


ITA. I'm a tightwad par excellence and when our kids were small we never went out, in fact we hardly ever go out now, maybe once every year and a half to a movie or for pizza, but for my dc anniversaries/b-days I send them a hefty check so they can go out and celebrate.

If you can afford to, be generous to your kids while you're alive so they don't have to be af shpilkes waiting for their yerusha. But only if you can afford to. Don't blow your retirement savings on them
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DCgirl




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 01 2014, 5:48 pm
I'll be very honest with you, I absolutely love The Tightwad Gazette, but I see tw major problems with it a) it's at least 20 years out of date and b) I really don't see a lot of the strategies working for a frum home. I do find it to be an inspirational launch pad in the sense that it's an interesting look at the 90's.

There are so many new, modern methods of tightwaddery yet to be explored that won't make you feel deprived.

I have a feeling that if Amy Daczyn were frum, she would attempt to make her own wig out of weaves bought at the beauty supply.
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