Letting people in front of you in supermarket.

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 5:32 am

Near my house is a discount supermarket. I go shopping there every friday for fresh fruit and vegetables. Since it is a discount supermarket, there is generally only one checkout person, and there is no "basket" line for people with only a few items. So every friday, almost exactly the same thing happens. I have a large trolley with quite a lot of items. (I have a lot of shabbos guests every week) I get to the checkout. At that time of day the shop seems to be filled with retirees with a basket with 2 or 3 items at most. I am putting my stuff on the belt while trying to stop my one year old from jumping out of the stroller. There are then suddenly several people in line behind me, and I feel them glaring at me, expecting me to offer them to go in front of me, since they only have one or two items. Once, I offered the elderly man behind me to go ahead. Not only he took up the offer, but the person behind.

Do people see me as rude if I don't offer? No doubt it is annoying having to wait in line, but obviously I am usually pressed for time on Fridays, plus my baby is jumping out of the stroller. I could let everyone in front of me, but when does it stop?

amother

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 5:33 am

To add - if people don't want to wait in line when they are just buying two things there are plenty of more convenient shops right near by with no long lines. True, the stuff is more expensive, but time is money too.

out-of-towner

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 5:34 am

IMO it's a nice thing to let others in front of you, but not a necessity! If you are pressed for time with a hyper toddler than you can just shrug and say "Im sorry but if I don't check out now this child will tear apart the store." I'm sure people will understand!

saw50st8

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 5:52 am

If you didn't have a child with you, I might say let them go. But with kids? NO WAY. My kids have a lot harder time waiting than an adult.

amother

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 6:29 am

You should say to the staff that they should have some more workers at the tills

monseychick

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 6:35 am

Can I respectfully ask why you dont just strap your toddler into his car seat, or wagon..

I am so tired of suffering for other people's lack of responsibilty.. I suffer enough for my own.. Thank you very much...

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 6:38 am

Personally, I'd rather be considered obnoxious and selfish than spend all day waiting for people with items than I have check out.

It's a mentality that's very cultural - depending where I lived, it either was or wasn't a common expectation. Not to say I never let when it's expected, but I have always felt perfectly comfortable saying "I'm sorry, but no"

Monseychick, some kids know how to open their stroller straps. AND why is it considered "suffering for other people's lack of responsibility" to wait your turn on the grocery line?!?! OP isn't asking if SHE can go before everyone else because her kid is active. She just wants to get out when it's her turn and not feel obligated to let everyone else go first just because they have less items.

LoveMy2Kids

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 6:40 am

monseychick wrote:

Most toddlers are able to maneuver themselves quite well out of a buckle. How does someone not doing you the favor of allowing you to essentially cut in from of them cause you to suffer? Their irresponsibility (in your eyes) is not causing you to suffer, your impatience is.

amother

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 7:05 am

My toddler can quite well climb out of his straps, especially when we are standing still. Monseychick, clearly you don't have this problem, so please tell me what stroller you have. It must have great straps!

But no one is suffering because of my toddler. My question is will they think I am rude for not letting them in front when I have 50 items and they have less then 5. (I do sometimes when I am not in a hurry)

octopus

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 7:14 am

I'll never forget when I was shopping in a small supermarket near my home. I never do large shoppings I am just perpetually "filling in" for what I need. So maybe I had 12 or 15 items. I'm always shopping with little kids with me. A little old woman asked if she could go ahead of me because she had one item. I let her even though my kids were restless. Then just as it was my turn a frum man appeared out of nowhere and asked "oh he only has two items" and he was double parked so can he go ahead of me? He did not know that I had just let someone go ahead a moment before. I let him, but I was annoyed because by the time it was my turn, my toddler was hysterical and I suffered from the extra two minutes that it took. I knew if I said no he would think I was crazy. And I didn't feel like giving him speeches, either. but a person should really think twice before asking to go ahead in line even if they have one or two items. Wait your turn unless you have a pressing emergency.

bnm

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 7:14 am

I got burnt too many times from letting 'just 3 items' people in front of me. once the woman in front of me had to try 10 credit card numbers and call her husband in between each one. SERIOUSLY. my $350 order went through much quicker than hers including unloading the card.......

MaBelleVie

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 7:16 am

If there's one person behind me I generally offer. Otherwise, not necessary at all.

Barbara

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 7:16 am

amother wrote:

People see all types of conduct as rude. That's not the question. The question is whether such an assessment would be accurate. The answer -- no.

You waited in line. You have no obligation to allow people to go ahead of you.

As you note, where would it end? Do you allow the 3 people behind you to go ahead, costing you 5 or 10 more minutes? What happens to the people who get behind you in line while THEY"RE checking out? Are you supposed to wait until the store is empty?

vintagebknyc

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 9:54 am

I think it's rude that people ask, frankly. unless their car really is double parked or there's an emergency. if I'm behind a person with a giant cart, (and nary a child in sight) I make eye contact and am generally told by that person to go ahead. but asking? rude.

seeker

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 10:22 am

If it were one person, I'd offer to let them go ahead. If there are many people with just a few items and I have a whole cart, I'd go in order of the line, what else are you going to do, stand there all day while EVERYONE else goes? It'll be quicker for everyone to just wait a couple of minutes until you're done and then get on with the rest in order.

chocolate moose

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 12:48 pm

No. There's a limit. Retirees aren't going anyplace and you have a young child. Unless s a cane is involved, no more cutsies.

amother

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 1:06 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

If they double parked they created their own emergency.

mfb

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 2:24 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

Why should the guy who didn't look for parking and double parked go ahead of someone who circled for fifteen minutes to find a spot!!

Bruria

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 2:32 pm

If I have many items and the person behind me is elderly and has few items, then why not? It's probably very hard for an old person to carry stuff and stand in line, I would feel bad if I didn't offer.If the person is young and has few items, then no obligation.

zaq

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 3:11 pm

Barbara wrote:

.

You waited in line. You have no obligation to allow people to go ahead of you.

This. Unless, perish the thought, you have 15 items and are standing in the "10 items or less" line, in which case, shame on you. But you already said there's only one line.

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