Was I too hard on my girls?

carmelita

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 9:58 am

I think OP gave her girls great chinuch. They should not take things without permission if they don't know whose it is. This is a life lesson and they are lucky they got it at home and not in a more embarrassing public setting when they assume anything not locked to the ground is up for grabs just because it is "age appropriate". I've seen that too many times with guests in my house touching things they should not touch. If the $5 punishment seems harsh and is leaving a bad taste in your mouth you can apologize for that but in concept I think it's a good punishment - they used something that belonged to someone else so they should pay for it. Maybe tell them the cost is actually only $1.

Barbara

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 10:02 am

carmelita wrote:

You're really equating taking something that is left out in your own kitchen with taking something in a public setting, or someone else's home?

So, if your husband goes to the supermarket and buys a box of cereal, you won't touch it, because it may not be for you?

Ridiculous.

acccdac

Fri, Sep 12 2014, 3:12 pm

Barbara wrote:

I completely disagree. Me and My dh are bosses in our home we can do as we please.

Kids are not!

Yes they need to ask before getting something to eat, even if its an apple, because if I'm planning on serving dinner in 5 minutes they wont eat because they ate an apple. Then at bedtime I will have a struggle because they'll be hungry. I dont keep food from my kids but its not a free for all! They dont get to touch their siblings things, they need permission. Kal V'Chomer they need permission from me!

Tablepoetry

Sat, Sep 13 2014, 10:54 am

acccdac wrote:

Everyone is different, but personally I wouldn't want to raise my kids in an environment where everything is hands-off and they need permission to take an apple. Unless you are only referring to very little kids, under 5, in which case I can agree. But age 6? 7? 8? 12? Take as many apples as you want.

I do think the OP was right in reprimanding her kids. I'm pretty easy going in my house, but even I'd expect a kid to ask before UNWRAPPING a brand-new coloring book. However, I think that would have been enough. Definitely no need to demand payment for the infraction. Seeing as there were two booklets, both in the kitchen, I can see how they might assume it's for them. Everyone makes mistakes, no biggie.

Ruchel

Sat, Sep 13 2014, 12:45 pm

my uncle is that way. Old generation born in the 1920 to a strict Sefaradi family, lots of boundaries and private private private. He would get mad when his nephews touched anything in his house, even to read a book. It did not foster great relationships.

I would have scolded and said it wasn’t for opening, unless you never got them used to this concept that not open = do not open.

amother

Sat, Sep 13 2014, 6:47 pm

Under the reasoning of "they weren't told it's not theirs so they couldn't have known not to take it" you can assume that unless told otherwise kids will pocket anything in the house that's not nailed down. Which is ridiculous, Barbara. Kids that are 6 should already assume that a brand new shiny red lollipop lying around belongs to someone and is not theirs for the taking. I would have done the same thing as OP. Life is not a free-for-all no matter how liberal the home is and 6 years old is the time to learn it. The child that isn't discipline for taking wrapped gifts without permission will likely say "they didn't know" when called out for similar behavior at an older age or in a similar setting. After all, they did it before and it was okay, wasn't it?