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I feel like a horrible mother



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amother


 

Post Fri, Sep 12 2014, 5:16 am
I have B"H 4 children ages 1.5-9yrs old. The last vacation we took without kids was 8 yrs ago when my oldest was 1. Maybe I feel overwhelmed now from the summer, but I get so agitated with my kids a lot. I feel like I just don't want to do it any more. I just want to be left alone sometimes and my kids never leave me alone. They cry and complain and drive me crazy! I know it's normal for kids to get this reaction from their mothers in particular, but what can I do to help me stop feeling like this?! It makes me so upset and cry sometimes. help!
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 12 2014, 8:44 am
You sound like a pretty normal mother to me.

Do you have any regular time for yourself? (Like 15 min to 1 hour a day, could be when kids are asleep)?

Do you have any regular time alone with DH? Like a regular date night or other1 - 2 hour/week block of time when you are awake and not with kids or working?

If not, it is no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed. Can you enlist DH? Hire sitters?
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smss




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 12 2014, 10:20 am
I feel exactly like you do OP and I only have 2 kids.

Hug
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smss




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 12 2014, 11:23 am
just to add- if you are an introvert and especially if you are also a "N" (if you're familiar with myers-briggs...) this is COMPLETELY normal. you will need breaks from your kids & it's not because you don't love them enough, it's because you identify with their emotions too much & get overstimulated from too much talking & noise. you need to take those breaks (talking to myself here...) or it won't be good for anyone.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 12 2014, 11:41 am
1. Get enough sleep
2. Eat enough, and often
3. Try to reduce other stress in your life

Otherwise, parenting is a million times harder.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Sep 14 2014, 3:44 am
smss, what's Meyers briggs? sounds like something I should read about, b/c what you described as "N" really does describe ME! I get so involved in their emotions and care so much about my kids that I think that it's overwhelming me. I try to keep myself out of things when I can, but my kids are so cranky with me that it drives me absolutely crazy! at this point right now I can't even fathom having any more kids, although I do want to have more children but I'm afraid at how I'm going to be able to cope with it all. My last child was (is) so snuggly and clingy that I don't know if I have enough room in my heart and head for another one! I do have some time here and there while my 1.5 yo sleeps in the morning-but now he's pushing it off till mid morning and I do have evenings but I feel like it's not enough. I don't get to go anywhere unless my baby is with me. I'm trying to find a part time gan in my area to put him 2x/week for a few hours to give me some time to myself to go shopping or to do things around the house without having to be interrupted 15 times. My DH and I are going out on a vacation for a few days after the chaggim for our 10th anniversary and my parents are going to watch the kids. so hopefully all this will help me feel better about things. I just feel so different as a person than I did when I was single. I miss being just plain happy and positive and "carefree" about life. I feel so down and serious all the time. Sad
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soproud




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 14 2014, 7:29 am
I relate to a lot of what you- it really sounds normal.
If you feel like you're about to lose it, close your bedroom door behind you for a couple minutes and breathe.
Putting on music can help make a relaxed, happy atmosphere.
Good luck!
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amother


 

Post Sun, Sep 14 2014, 7:55 am
also - OP - try and exercise. Total mood buster, life enhancer. Helped me alot.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 14 2014, 9:32 am
I'm an introverted "N", so I totally understand.

That said, could it be you're bored? What's stimulating you?

And, what do you have to look forward to in your life??

You haven't had a vacation, so is there a way to take mini-vacations without the kids, while they are in school?
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smss




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 15 2014, 12:18 pm
amother wrote:
smss, what's Meyers briggs? sounds like something I should read about, b/c what you described as "N" really does describe ME! I get so involved in their emotions and care so much about my kids that I think that it's overwhelming me. I try to keep myself out of things when I can, but my kids are so cranky with me that it drives me absolutely crazy! at this point right now I can't even fathom having any more kids, although I do want to have more children but I'm afraid at how I'm going to be able to cope with it all. My last child was (is) so snuggly and clingy that I don't know if I have enough room in my heart and head for another one! I do have some time here and there while my 1.5 yo sleeps in the morning-but now he's pushing it off till mid morning and I do have evenings but I feel like it's not enough. I don't get to go anywhere unless my baby is with me. I'm trying to find a part time gan in my area to put him 2x/week for a few hours to give me some time to myself to go shopping or to do things around the house without having to be interrupted 15 times. My DH and I are going out on a vacation for a few days after the chaggim for our 10th anniversary and my parents are going to watch the kids. so hopefully all this will help me feel better about things. I just feel so different as a person than I did when I was single. I miss being just plain happy and positive and "carefree" about life. I feel so down and serious all the time. Sad


it's a theory of personality types. miriam adahan has a great book on it- http://www.amazon.com/Apprecia.....64852 she says that for a NF, one child can feel like 5.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 15 2014, 1:21 pm
ohhhh, is this the number thing?! my roommated back in college were obsessed with this book! I never read it but maybe I should! thanks.

I think that life has just caught up with me. I thought that I could keep living the way I always did, eventhough my family was changing. But I think that I have to take more care of myself now and make myself take breaks more often, more outings with DH etc....

It's helpful to hear that I am not the only one feeling this way and that this is a normal feeling. So thank you to everyone for all the encouragement and advice!
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