DH is always "between jobs"

amother

Wed, Sep 17 2014, 12:24 pm

My husband is smart and creative. He isn't particularly ambitious or lazy. He and work never seem to get along. When he first left Kollel he took a commission based job. He had some success but not enough to make a living off so he went to college and got a degree. He was fired after two years from his first job. That was the longest job he ever held. After that he went through a series of temp jobs. He finally found a permanent job but sure enough, his firm decided to relocate. He will be back to collecting unemployment next week. The question is what to do now. He is very burned by all the job searching and job bouncing he has done already. I don't know how much is his fault but after working at so many temp jobs, some of which he didn't like, he has little enthusiasm to take another such job for now.
He does some private work in the field he was trained in and is very successful with his private clients. To the extent that he never lost a single client. However it would probably take years, lots of commitment and overhead to make himself a full time self supporting entrepreneur. Another reason we are hesitant about him being self employed is because during the building stage he will have too few productive things to occupy his time with.
He wants a part time job to give him time to build up his private practice but in his field it may not be very realistic.
To give a better picture of my husband, although he is extremely intellectual and philosophical, he says all the time, that if could make a living off being a cleaning "lady" and it wouldn't ruin our children's self esteem/shiduchim he would do it. He means it.
Please do not suggest therapy or career counseling.
Thank you for your responses

amother

Wed, Sep 17 2014, 1:52 pm

I'm on my 8th job right now. I'm smart, and for a little while I had permanent employee jobs, but after a few maternity leaves I could only find consulting work. I have been consulting since 2011 and this is my 5th or 6th gig. It's scheduled to go through the end of January. Here's my take on the matter:

-There's no such thing as a dumb job if you are bringing home money for your family.
-Every job teaches me more about my field and I get a lot of exposure.
-Every job teaches me more about interpersonal relationships and work ethic.
-Every job gives me more people in the industry to connect with and network with. As a matter of fact, 2 of the jobs rehired me for a second round of consulting because they knew me already.
-I met with a rabbi and he advised me to ask for periodic feedback at my jobs. I became emboldened to do this and make sure that I was doing what was expected (as opposed to hiding in my cubicle and sneaking out like a criminal on Friday afternoons, etc.)
-Nothing like practice to make perfect!!
-I am not cut out to be an entrepreneur (most people aren't) and this is the only way that I know how to make money (and B"H for that).
-I like getting out of the house every day and having a schedule, and I'm sure it's good for your husband too.

Hope this helps.

SRS

Wed, Sep 17 2014, 1:56 pm

If he has private clients and hasn't lost a one, he probably should be thinking about how he can build that line of work to full time and if doesn't mind working and getting his hands dirty hence the "cleaning lady" comment, than a retail job that doesn't sap him of energy but lets him contribute and be busy while he builds up his practice could be a good combination.

And if he really likes cleaning and non-desk work there is no reason to not pursue a janitorial service. For the kids he worries about destroying he can call himself the owner and CEO or something fancy and purse business in a different geographic area from your community.

amother

Ginger

Thu, Apr 30 2015, 8:02 am

OP Here

To give an update he (1)grew his own business (2)lost three more jobs over the year(one was a temp job and one hired him because they were desperate and let him go when they found someone more qualified). He wants to give on working for other people and focus on his business.But I'm concerned about the idea because(a) I don't see him growing his business to a level of income that we need in the next two-three years and(b) because he will have too much free time. Even he says that too much free time is a recipe for disaster

SRS

Thu, Apr 30 2015, 8:21 am

OP, is there anything so terrible about him continuing to work and lose temp jobs? Temp jobs are, by definition, temporary. He might just be skilled in stepping in, taking over, and getting out of the way. It isn't the best situation, but if he is growing his own business AND keeping busy while bringing in $ to the household, I'm not sure what the problem is. There are a lot of people who enjoy working a project and moving to the next one, rather than working the same cycle over and over again. It is a personality difference.

I understand you are concerned about the next 2-3 year income wise. But it sounds like he is on a reasonable track if he is at least continually employed, even if it isn't steady employment. I understand it is frustrating. I'd be frustrated too.

Generally, moving from job to job is a sign that something is off. Is it a skill problem? Is it a personality issue? Why is it that "he and work don't get along."? Explore that issue and go from there.

Maya

Thu, Apr 30 2015, 8:22 am

TwinsMommy wrote:

What business owner has free time??? I'm an entrepreneur..... What is this free time you're worried about??? Especially in the building stage....

Exactly. My husband worked around the clock - sometimes literally - during his building stage. Now after a few years he can work shorter hours and take more vacations, but free time in the beginning?! Dream on.

Raisin

Thu, Apr 30 2015, 8:40 am

Maya wrote:

I assume it is something like being an accountant or graphic designer which he works by the hour...

amother

Teal

Thu, Apr 30 2015, 8:42 am

Just wanted to tell you that I can relate. I'm a lot like your husband, and so is my father. That's why I went to counseling right away and so far I'm taking baby steps but the therapist said right away that even if I would excel in med school or the like I should try to open my own business which is what I am slowly doing. I think that it starts with baby steps. Hugs.

Scrabble123

Thu, Apr 30 2015, 8:46 am

Raisin wrote:

I assume it is something like being an accountant or graphic designer which he works by the hour...

My uncle is an accountant. During tax season he leaves the house at 3:15am, goes to the gym for 1 hour and is at work by 5:00am, and comes home between 9:30-10:00 pm, often without having had a lunch break (unless it was with a client). When it's not tax season he leaves the house 5:00 am and is at work by 5:30, stops work around 6:00, goes to the gym, and comes home around 8:30/9:00. Not sure where there is free time there.........

imasinger

Thu, Apr 30 2015, 9:31 am

I'm not persuaded, from your description, that there is anything wrong with your DH as a worker. The economy isn't great, the average length of time at the same job is significantly shorter these days, particularly for younger workers, and you describe your DH as being creative, which means he will need a good fit with someone who appreciates him.

I wonder why you are so quick to rule out career counseling. It can be helpful to those who wish to stay in their basic field, but refine their area of specialization, as well as serving those who want a total change.

If I were in your shoes, I might ask DH to come up with a business plan for expanding his private clientele, and then leave him alone as long as he is meeting his goals. Yes, this might mean readjusting your household plans for the next 2-3 years.

That being said, his goals should include contributing to household income, so if he wants to supplement by cleanng houses or becoming a shadchan, hey, whatever works.

grace413

Thu, Apr 30 2015, 9:48 am

amother wrote:

OP Here

Yes. He is an accountant.During tax season he works crazy hours. This time of the year there isn't much for him to do as he builds up the business.In two-three years when he is more successful this won't be an issue but now it is

My DH is an accountant specializing in taxes for individuals and small businesses, which includes monthly accounting services for the small businesses. If your DH is only doing taxes, perhaps he can expand to monthly accounting for small businesses.

My DH started off working full time for another firm and slowly building up his practice on the side. He gave up the full time job when his own business bought in enough for us and a few years later bought another small firm. He works a zillion hours a day and being more of a tzadik than I am, says BH that we have the parnasah.

Aside from the fact that tax season inconveniently runs concurrent with Purim/Pesah it's a good profession for somebody frum who wants to work on his/her own.

amother

Ecru

Thu, Apr 30 2015, 10:03 am

I am an accountant and there is PLENTY of work that could be done at this time of year. Closings, payroll taxes, sales tax, financial statements, etc. If he's able to get clients that are small businesses, and he has the experience to do so, he can have enough work throughout the year.

That being said, I am in a very similar situation with my dh. He hates being an employee at corporate jobs (low pay, treated inferior, long hours) and really wants to work on building up his own business. I can't say that I'm fully supportive of this because it is super risky and totally goes against my nature, but I don't really have much of a choice. However he has NO free time so that's not an issue. He's working his @$$ off researching, meeting with potential clients, coming up with ideas... He often works all day and then stays up late working too. I hope he's successful iyh cuz honestly we can't afford to go on like this. What I make is not nearly enough, and he's not really bringing in anything yet at the moment.

I understand your stress, and I hope things work out for you!!