Rosh Hashana for a woman

abound

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 3:23 am

I am writing this for the millions of moms who stay home with their children.

Parable:
There was once a King who was extremely beloved by all his citizens. He was fair and meted punishment, but loved each and every one of them. The Kings messengers went out with an announcement that on one day of the year everyone can come before him and ask for whatever they wanted or needed and he would fulfill their wishes. People came from far and near, dressed in their best finery to meet with the king. There was a long line and suddenly the King saw his children's nanny waiting with the rest of the people. He asked her, "what are you doing here?" She said, "I also want to have my greatest wishes fulffilled" The king said, Don't worry go back to my children, they need you most, You will for sure get your wishes and needs, you are taking care of my children."
Rosh Hashana we proclaim G-d King, He is the ultimate and what he wants is our desires. He made us mothers, he wants us to serve him by building his children and taking care of them. That is the Avodah of a woman on Rosh Hashana.

I honestly feel sorry for women who all Rosh Hashana are feeling bad that they cannot get to shul, as if they are missing out. They don't realize their purpose on this world and how they are supposed to serve G-d. Of course if a woman can they should daven and go to shul, but do appreciate your status in this world.

Sanguine

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 3:55 am

I'm not belittling your parable but I'm adding some practical advice. I've never totally missed shul on RH. Sometimes I found one neighbor whose little kids mixed well with mine and we each got a turn to go to shul while the other one watched all the kids (can be just an hour if that's all that can be handled). Older siblings helped too. Then one year we had four families with 2 mothers taking each hour shift and we rotated houses (the walk with the kids was part of the activity). When it really grew (30 kids) we found a public place for the "babysitting" group - A room in the shul, a miklat or gan (works on a Yishuv), a room in the school... Took years to iron out all the kinks but now "babysitting" is open to all mothers to participate. Four mothers work each shift, and for your torturous hour and a half one day you're free to daven all the other hours. And the little kids love it. Women can start with just one other woman this year and then build up.

wife613

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 5:01 am

abound- really nice parable. I have a 7 month old preemie who is taking up all my time, but I was brought up with my mother telling me to go to shul because my time will come when I wont be able to go to shul on RH (because I have little children at home and that is then my job). Whatever davening I will get done at home I will see as a bonus. I wish more young women would understand this too.
@Sanguine- unfortunately its not always possible to arrange a babysitting service due to lack of space etc. In the community I grew up in the shul provided a babysitting service where 4/5 high school girls would take turns in 1/2 shifts and there was also 2/3 grown ups around. They even provided a seperate shofar blowing, which was a bit later in the morning and also didnt have to worry about kids making a bit of noise.
May RH be meaningful for everyone where ever and whatever they daven!

abound

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 5:42 am

Sanguine that is a nice idea and if I am impressed it worked out so well. I am happy davening at home sometimes I take my neices and nephews for 2 hours and my sister goes and she does it for me as well. I would only do it if all the children were happy with the arrangement. Sometimes you find children at these groups crying, fighting or just being wild and out of control.
My point is not if you should or should not daven. Daven, daven and daven. If you can daven easily in shul then do it. But that is not our avodah as a woman, we can acheive the same level (or more) of holiness and shleimus, being a happy smiley mother turning the rope on Rosh Hashana for the kids or playing lego.

(you can daven while washing the dishes too Smile

)

Sanguine

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 8:04 am

abound wrote:

)

I'm not saying at all that these groups work for every situation, I was just pointing out that sometimes women don't realize that it's not a flat rule that women never go to shul on RH. The year after I had done with just a neighbor and then we decided to expand to the block, I called a mother of triplet three year olds (her first children) and asked her if she wanted to participate and she was shocked. She assumed that RH shul was out for her for the next few years. I didn't create the idea. It was already running here when my older kids were little. Then it petered out and I just restarted things when I had little kids again.

imasoftov

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 10:36 am

The king thought about it during the rest of the year, and next year he announced that he would add an early session. The husband of the king's nanny got up early in the morning to meet the king then, then went back to the palace living quarters and watched the king's children for a while so his wife the nanny could at make it to the second section, even if only for long enough to hear the ceremonial blowing of the trumpet.

boysrus

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 12:12 pm

imasoftov wrote:

I love this!

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 12:15 pm

Jeanette wrote:

I think you need to find a child-friendly shul where you won't get dirty looks if your child makes a peep.

A rule I have been brought up with: if children cannot be quiet, they do not belong in shul.
I bring my children for a few minutes (with nosh to keep them quiet) and as soon as they peep, they go back home. A shul is for davening, not for babysitting.

PinkFridge

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 12:16 pm

Some kings have nannies who tell their husbands, you go to the shul that inspires you the most. One of us can get a full quality davening in. I'll make it with the kids to shofar, on time or a special blowing. I'll be spending the morning creating happy memories of yom tov with the kids, including the treats they'll get during my quickie davening. After we eat, you'll give me quality quiet time so I can finish davening and rest up a bit.

Whatever works for you....

abound

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 12:17 pm

Ruchel wrote:

I prefer that my dh goes, so yes I haven't been in shul on RH (not to mention shabbes...) for years. It is part and parcel of being a mother. BH that is my ""problem""...

The point is it is not your "problem" it is your privilege and zechus.

amother

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 12:26 pm

I did a switch with a friend last year and we each went to shacharis or mussafeach day. I hadn't been to shul in about 5 years- and I was shocked. Suddenly I really FELT like it was rosh hashona- everyone was davening, it was quiet- hearing the singing and tefillos- there's nothing like it. For me, even in a quiet house, its not the same atmosphere as davening in a shul. It was incredible.

Yes, of course your kids shouldn't have to be dumped with a neighbour for hours or left with a non jew. But if you can share the childcare and make to shul, I say its worth every second.

goodmorning

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 12:50 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

If there is a minyan k'vasikin in your neighborhood but your husband is not interested in davening there (which is a really great childcare arrangement), YOU can sneak out in the morning and get a solid hour or two of Shachris before your kids get up and your husband needs to leave (though this might depend on your kids' sleeping schedules!).

This works well with older daughters too; you can finish Shachris and kriyas haTorah in time for them to be in shul by HaMelech.

princessleah

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 1:22 pm

I've been taught that a woman has an obligation to hear Shofar on Rosh HaShannah. Not that her only obligation is to take care of children.

It's been difficult but this year our shul instituted free babysitting. Very grateful for that.

Blue jay

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 1:30 pm

On Rosh Hashanah, for the most part I am home with the kids! I daven and set the table, (repeat...) No complaints. I do try to hear the shofar during service, but when my kids were babies, this was not always possible. (We actually have a shofar at home just in case)

saw50st8

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 1:31 pm

kb wrote:

Or find a shul with youth groups so your young kids can have a positive shul experience while you get to daven!

penguin

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 1:36 pm

The Nanny went to great lengths to make proper arrangements with her husband/neighbor etc, but when she stood in line to speak to the king, there were many nannies of the noblemen and -women's children who had just shlepped their charges along and they were making quite a ruckus.

The King's Nanny was so flustered and disturbed (she's slightly ADD) that she couldn't even remember her request, and went home very disappointed.

She decided that next year she'll just send a letter.

SBM13

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 2:05 pm

Abound- Thank you!
I am a new mother of a 3 month old little girl. This is the first year I wont be attending shul on RH. I am the type of person who feels bad that I cant even go to shul on a regular shabbos. I was brought up always going to shul. Im having very mixed emotions this year bc I know that my job is to shay home with my DD but I still feel bad. Thank you for posting this. Its really comforting. I will still however try to get to shul for a little bit. Thanks again

abound

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 3:37 pm

SBM13 wrote:

I understand you. I used to go to shul every shabbos until my first son was born 10 days before Rosh Hashana. There is nothing greater then serving Hashem in the way he wants you to. Going to shul, makes a person feel Rosh Hashana, but the Avodah is not about what you feel, (that would be serving yourself) It is about doing the Will of Hashem.
(And I repeat: If you can go to shul in a way that it works for you and your family, then do it for sure!)