Sis inlaw wants us to chip in 4 bugaboo

SRS

Wed, Sep 17 2014, 9:52 pm

amother wrote:

The young couple can't afford it so they
Are putting it on their parents who can't afford it so the parents are asking their sibs to pitch in for it. I think it's tacky.
Should I just pitch in or decline?

It sounds like the young couple and the parents are inviting the siblings to a party of financial dysfunction. There is nothing wrong with offering a check for whatever you would have spent. But if no one in the family can swing a pricey stroller, you might want to find out a bit about what else they may need and purchase something more reasonable.

amother

Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:12 pm

SRS wrote:

Why does it have to indicate dysfunction? I can afford that stroller but prefer to spend that kind of money on a vacation than on a stroller that offers little value beyond some stupid status.

amother

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 5:01 am

Why assume everyone buys a baby gift for their nieces and nephews? I have almost 200 neices and nephews, if I bought a gift for each of them it would be very difficult for me. I have a bunch of kids of my own, NO family support. When my first child was born we had no money. My husband worked part time and was job hunting for something better and I had to quit my job when I gave birth. We got no government help either. Almost none of my siblings gave me gifts, and my parents and in laws gave us a few outfits each. I think I got baby gifts from less then 10 people in total. We bought our own graco stroller and a sil lent us a crib. We had no fancy swings or anything, just couldn't afford it. Luckily dd was a summer baby so she basically lived in undershirts and the few outfits we got as gifts. I wasn't upset at the time, but recently a sibling had a baby and asked us all to chip in for a bugaboo. (btw this sibling has never given me a single baby gift, wedding gift or anything.) I honestly felt quite put out. This sibling has a history of "needing" luxuries even though she can ill afford it (often expecting others to pay for it) I can't remember if I chipped in or not but she did get that bugaboo.

My point is, I am not necessarily going to get a baby gift for every sibling or neice or nephew who gives birth. I do get sporadically from siblings, but none have given me a gift for every baby AND I DO NOT EXPECT IT.

Saying, please chip in for a gift, is putting people on the spot.

If your aunt calls you and says, Bracha, what would you like for the baby, saying, oh, you are welcome to chip in towards our stroller, is fine IMO. IF 20 people give $20 that is halfway there.

SRS

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 9:21 am

amother wrote:

Why does it have to indicate dysfunction? I can afford that stroller but prefer to spend that kind of money on a vacation than on a stroller that offers little value beyond some stupid status.

It is dysfunction because the parents of the couple nor the couple themselves can afford it, so they are reaching well beyond that circle to afford a luxury that is out of their budget range when they have a new baby who will certainly end up costing tons more than a bugaboo. At this point in my life I'm buying numerous buagaboos a month in the form of tuition.

If you can't just walk in the door of a baby store and buy the buagaboo without thinking twice about it, it is probably out of your reasonable range. If you have to ask aunts and uncles to buy it, it isn't for you.

Frankly I'd think about how to give the new mommy niece a hint about how to put their life on a reasonable financial track as a caring aunt. I bet that if you called a few consignment stores or searched Craigslist you could find someone selling a slightly used high end stroller for a price equivalent to a more mid-range newer stroller. I just saw a bugaboo two weeks ago that was lightly used for around $300. Or you could run some searches for stroller on closeout. When I had my oldest, I bought a bike company stroller that was not in stores for about $110 that garnered tons of inquiries. So there is something out there that is more reasonable for them or for the entire family to purchase for them.

ValleyMom

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 10:23 am

I don't understand this problem at all.

You can buy a very decent baby gift for $20 at Ross or Marshalls or TJ Maxx.

Just write a $20.00 and say this is my contribution toward the group gift.
Finished.
If they don't like it they can hand you back your check and you can then buy a perfectly nice baby outfit at a discount store.
Gift wrap at dollar tree or 99 and done.

This is really a no brainer.

ValleyMom

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 10:25 am

FYI I travel regularly and I have seen how challenging it is to travel with a bugaboo who the heck would want that added headache.

Its challenging enough traveling with a baby-that stroller is insane.

It requires a special custom made travel bag and a grown man to dismantle it at the gate and package the darn thing up.

I hope your SIL never plans to travel within a few blocks from her home.

amother

Thu, Sep 18 2014, 12:02 pm

ValleyMom wrote:

People don't travel with a bugaboo. They have a special travel stroller like a "cheap" maclarren.