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Older brother torture



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Bitachon101




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 19 2014, 4:35 pm
I can't keep up with ds 3yr old... He's constantly torturing ds 10mth old.
I turn for one second and he's hitting, kicking, pinching, pulling, putting bag over his head!, squeezing toothpaste in his mouth!, etc.... He's super jealous and in a very defiant, kvetchy, testy stage right now.
I'm exhausted and trying to get things done and I am at my wits end.
I try so hard to give older ds extra attn and love but he still tortures the baby. Time out doesn't prevent future tortures, just gets him to say I'm sorry.
He needs to keep his hands busy or he'll do something destructive with them.
Help plz.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 20 2014, 1:16 pm
Keep 10mo outta sight and outta mind of the 3 yo as much as possible. Stagger nap time. Limit together time. Have a safe place for the baby.

I was able to keep jealousy to a minimum by not swooning over the baby in the presence of the older child. And when I couldn't help myself, I'd cover by saying something praising about the older child. "Baby, you've got the best big brother in the whole world."

Set your home up for 'safety first'. I have a gated baby area. Google "play yard". You can set up walls. Prevention is everything here.

You don't want to have to discipline about this, or it'll just harder.
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Bitachon101




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 10:56 pm
chani8 wrote:
Keep 10mo outta sight and outta mind of the 3 yo as much as possible. Stagger nap time. Limit together time. Have a safe place for the baby.

I was able to keep jealousy to a minimum by not swooning over the baby in the presence of the older child. And when I couldn't help myself, I'd cover by saying something praising about the older child. "Baby, you've got the best big brother in the whole world."

Set your home up for 'safety first'. I have a gated baby area. Google "play yard". You can set up walls. Prevention is everything here.

You don't want to have to discipline about this, or it'll just harder.


Kind of hard to do this in a little apartment. I give both equal attention if not extra attention to older ds. He just is so jealous and so frustrated that little bro touches toys too. He wants it all for himself.
Little guy goes nutty when he's restricted to small areas as it is. He likes to be able to crawl around and there ain't much crawling space to begin with.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 11:18 pm
This might be about being indoors too much.

See if there is a way to get out more. The three year old would be doing most of that even if he were the only. He needs room and activity.

Three year old might be put into a play group, perhaps.
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Bitachon101




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 11:30 pm
Dolly Welsh wrote:
This might be about being indoors too much.

See if there is a way to get out more. The three year old would be doing most of that even if he were the only. He needs room and activity.

Three year old might be put into a play group, perhaps.


He's in playgroup. I'm referring to after school and night time and also before school and weekends (the worst)
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Lady Bug




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 12:02 am
When does the torture occur? During play time or just out of no where? 10 month olds can be very pesky. 3 year old needs to keep his toys on the table or in a room with the door closed so it should be out of reach. Also, I agree with limiting the swooning over 10 month old to curb the jealousy. Also would it work if you put 3 year old in the position of big brother/helper/protector? Put him in charge of taking care of baby. He might force food into baby's mouth or insist baby lay down in the carriage, but you will avoid the jealousy and just plain mean behaviors.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 1:43 am
Equality wont work here. You've got to give the older child lots of kavod. Also, when 10 mo is 'bothering' it helps to pretend to scold the baby. "No, no baby, you cant play with Big Bro's toys. You're just a baby. That toy is only for big boys." Let Big Bro find the 'baby toys' for Little Bro.
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m in Israel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 1:53 am
I agree with Chani. If you are giving them equal attention of course your 3 year old is jealous. When he is around you should be all about him for as much as possible -- even when caring for the baby it should be about him "do you want to help me change the baby's diaper? wow, what a big boy you are you can bring me the wipes! Look how the baby is smiling at you -- he is so lucky to have a big brother he really loves you. . ." The baby will be just fine hearing your voice and seeing you smile, but your older son needs to feel that he has not lost his place in your world.

Try to time labor intensive babycare for the times when your older son is in gan. And make sure your older son has some safe places for his personal things and toys.

Remember that sibling rivalry is completely normal, and it is usually more about your child's relationship with YOU (and fear of losing that place in your world) than his objective feelings towards the baby.
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