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"Between jobs" vent and need chizzuk



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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 15 2014, 1:45 am
I work in a school-year based job. Over the summer I told my old job I was leaving, there were many things I disliked about it and I finally had not just one but several highly promising almost-offers so I decided to take the leap. Many people in my area of work don't hire until very close or even after the start of the season, but it would have been both unkind and unprofessional for me to take leave of my old job at that point so I had to kind of jump off a cliff there, even though I did wait until the last minute to see if any would confirm or confirm-not before then. So I already feel bad about waiting until the last minute to give notice, but they didn't seem to have much trouble replacing me... and then every single one of the other offers/opportunities fell through. All hope is not lost because the person who made some of those offers still might have more jobs coming up but the way the first ones that I thought I had nailed just disappeared from under my feet, I'm not that hopeful. And now it's already two weeks into the school year and I have no job and no idea where to find one at this point. I thought I had offers that were better than where I came from, and instead I am scrambling and scrounging just to have anything and not be penniless.

It is so hard! I feel so insecure and also aimless, waking up in the morning with plenty to do but no place to be driven to go, none of that sense of being directed, go out there and help somebody and come home with more income for my family.

Through this whole thing I have been trying so hard to keep perspective, to keep up hope, to focus on the positive, every time something didn't work out I said both to myself and to anyone who was in on it (e.g. DH) things like "It is all from Hashem. Something will work out. Maybe Hashem is leaving the door open for something better. It is just a test. This one was not meant to be. I guess that one is not meant to be either. I did my hishtadlus, maybe there will be better news tomorrow..." But I am running out of steam. It's harder to stay hopeful when all my leads are dried up. It's harder to stay calm and patient when I have NO visible source of income for this month and who knows how long into the future. Instead of feeling confident that Hashem has something good for me, I feel like Hashem is doing nothing but teasing me and taking me for a ride and going to leave me high and dry at the end of it. I have had a lot of job and financial stress in the past and here I thought things were about to change and I was giving thanks and praise and hopeful prayers and now it all falls flat again and part of me instead of staying faithful is just saying "What kind of sick joke is this?"

I need some chizzuk please Sad

... and a job, on the double.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 15 2014, 1:53 am
Get some business cards made, and start building a private clientele, if you serve children in some way. Perhaps you can tutor. Zazzle website makes nice business cards. You might use your first name and your cell phone number.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 15 2014, 2:03 am
Dolly Welsh wrote:
Get some business cards made, and start building a private clientele, if you serve children in some way. Perhaps you can tutor. Zazzle website makes nice business cards. You might use your first name and your cell phone number.

I don't think you understand; I am the primary breadwinner, tutoring for a couple of hours here and there is not going to do it.
There is little demand for private providers where I live because most people can get what they need through schools and government programs. Whatever demand there is, is for times after school and before children's bedtimes, which is exactly when my family needs me. In fact one of the reasons I left my old job was because we (DH and I, I had thoughts on my own but I wasn't going to jump off this cliff if not for DH strongly agreeing) decided that I should try to be home for my kids more after school. I had been working from early to late afternoons since before having kids and it worked when they were babies but now that they themselves are in school all day they need parents when they come home. The new job opportunities were from morning to early afternoon, and I had built a whole fantasy schedule/lifestyle around it... I just can't see dropping that for an even worse schedule that would have me out the WHOLE time the kids are home. DH by necessity is out during much of those times so it's not even like they'd have one parent. It is just not for me, I can't do it. So I'm continuing to hold onto these very tiny weak threads of hope that maybe something will still work out... while every day that it doesn't I feel my budget shrinking. We were not rich in the first place but I never felt this frantic, I always knew that as small and fluctuating as my income was at least there was something. Now I have a side job here, a side job there, even if I did tutor every night that would hardly be an income - my side jobs are bringing in maybe $300 a month. That's not even a joke. That's not even a quarter of my rent!

Dear G-d in heaven, if you are saving up something special for me why can't you just SHOW me already?! Why all this drama?! I can't take it anymore Sad
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kollel wife




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 15 2014, 10:10 am
I'm guessing that you are not eligible for unemployment as you left and were not fired. Have you looked into this?

Can you take a secretarial job? Maybe a part time, covering for someone who's out so you can keep your options open. It will give me more hours and income than none at all.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 15 2014, 10:23 am
No unemployment because I was a contractual worker, not employee.
A secretarial job that doesn't pay enough to cover childcare and travel expenses will make me feel like a miserable shmatta and will take away time from pursuing real opportunities.
I'm so not interested. I left a decent job because I was all-but-promised a better job, and now I have no job. It's only been a few weeks and I will probably never be desperate enough to take something that will net me no take-home pay, but this is just so stressful and discouraging. I think that I am doing all I can to try to find work and I was not really looking for suggestions like being a minimum wage temp secretary or taking handouts, what I need is some encouragement and chizuk to get me through this hard time and to keep me from feeling angry at G-d for putting me through this.
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Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 15 2014, 10:44 am
I'm so sorry for you. I hope something great comes up really soon. It must be so scary and frustrating. Hatzlacha!
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 15 2014, 10:53 am
Sorry to hear. You describe yourself as tied into something that isn't happening. Either your husband has to do something else, or you do. You obviously have training; use it on yourself. Be your own client and re-tool your obviously good skill set to do something else that IS in demand where you are.

Please do not feel like a shmatte. Your disappointment is natural. But you really didn't like your previous job. Maybe this field doesn't please you. Your professional life might have been almost as uncongenial as at the old place. And it was pretty bad, or you wouldn't have quit without a firm offer.

It may in fact be time to really, thoroughly, completely, do something else. Not necessarily secretary. See what ELSE you can do. See if you can administer at a non-profit, and not necessarily a Jewish one.

Ask yourself what area you can easily get to, or if there is any business where you live. A job you can walk to carries a huge hidden money bonus in foregone transportation costs. So start with location.

Then, make somebody hire you within that radius. Anybody. Think about buildings you walk past and never look at. There is money in there.

Your husband may have to tutor.

Calmly decide those other lost job(s) just aren't there, and let go of thinking about them. That is fretting and isn't good.

Hugs and good luck.
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Jeanette




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 15 2014, 11:06 am
I know how frustrating this situation must be.

When I finished nursing school I spent six months fruitlessly looking for a job, in the midst of a highly touted supposed "nursing shortage" which turned out to be completely illusory. I felt like the whole house of cards had come toppling down on me. It was a very demoralizing period in my life. After 6 months I decided to go back for a master's, just because I didn't know what else to do, not knowing if I'd have any more mazel in the end.

B"H I did get a job not long after finishing the master's and I see now how it was for the best, even though I felt like snapping at anyone who'd say that while I was actually going through it.

I don't know if that helps or if it's what you were looking for. when I was looking for a job I was often frustrated because people would say things trying to be helpful and I took it the wrong way. when you're jobless you're the target for a lot of useless advice. People will point out your supposed flaws and shortcomings and pin your joblessness on that. Just say thanks and move on. Don't feel you have to defend yourself and don't let people get pushy with you for not following advice that you don't think is going to work.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 15 2014, 11:54 am
I was in your shoes last year, except I lost my job when the school ran out of money and closed. I saw the writing on the wall and started interviewing for new jobs in Feb/March and was so sure something would come through, but it didn't. I was so depressed as July turned into August and it became increasingly clear that it wasn't going to happen. School jobs work by the school year, so I knew it meant I would have wait till the next year. Well, on to plan B- I got myself on sub lists. It's not ideal, and made things VERY difficult with childcare, but it brought in just enough cash AND kept me in the classroom at least sometimes. I also ended up taking over a maternity leave, so I had solid work for two months, and I ended up getting a good recommendation from that and into my current job. B'H, I am good this year- I have a teaching job, and it ended up being a lot closer to home than my old job and better paying (though it still has some downsides- not teaching as many hours as I'd like). But take heart- even though a full-time is not going to happen at this point, you don't have to sit home doing nothing. Call your local schools for subbing opportunities. Keep looking at the listings- a maternity or medical leave is great because it's several weeks of continuous work and then you have a foot in the door at that school. And of course, keep davening! Hashem doesn't always come through in exactly the way we'd like, but He's always looking out for our best interests.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 15 2014, 12:35 pm
Can I ask what your degree is in and what kind of job your looking for? I was in a similar situation a few years ago and it was very difficult. To state the obvious, you can only keep trying!
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groisamomma




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 15 2014, 1:44 pm
I would love to help you but I have no idea where you live. If you live in or around Lakewood and working in a public school setting would work for you, PM me. You can be home from school before your children and there are some openings in my district now.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 15 2014, 1:59 pm
Not near Lakewood and the public schools here are flooded with applicants, but thanks.

Now it again looks like something may work out, but I've had so many false hopes so far that I'm very cautious about putting my hopes into this... just going to wait and see. It would mean a little settling regarding the specific details of place and time and pay, but close enough to make it worth it - better than taking my family's evenings or a pay cut from specialist to secretary. So I'll continue to hold out hope a few more days before I start throwing myself at people's feet begging.

I have been continuing to put out effort looking into different kinds of possibilities. I'm flexible and have a broad skill set. That is not my problem. My problem is staying upbeat and not letting frustration overtake me.

By the way, to amother who despaired of finding a school-based job after September, you'd be surprisd, people can leave mid-year for all sorts of reasons and when that happens the jobs usually go to the first person who is in the right place at the right time, rather than the candidates who would have been first in line on a normal timetable. So the in-between no-job time and the not knowing what will be are still super frustrating, but all hope is not lost! Never any reason to give up until next year!
But same amother is so right that subbing/temping is really hard on the childcare. You can't sign your kid up for full time daycare without knowing if you'll have a paycheck to cover it, but you do need someplace to send them when a job does come up... it's easier in that way with the school age kids but they are more expensive in the first place because you can't simply keep them home while you're unemployed Tongue Out

B"H I have not yet been a target of people pointing out my flaws, mostly because the year just started and most people have not yet caught on that I am not working yet. The only possible mistake was leaving the old dead-end job before the next thing was lined up. But if I hadn't, I would not have been open to the next thing - you get committed and busy and I would have spent another year getting home well after my children and feeling stuck in a rut. And then have the same situation next summer, because nobody ever confirms until September at least.

Praying and hoping on the newest lead, and holding onto my stomach for the next roller coaster hill...
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Tziril Miriam




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 15 2014, 10:35 pm
This is not just your dilemma (and ours at imamother). Do you have a husband? Can he take on more work? Are you living in the best place now, or would moving closer to relatives or to a city be helpful?
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 15 2014, 10:47 pm
Husband is unable to take on more work at this time. We are not living in the best place for the long term, but right now we are where we need to be. Which happens to have a pretty fertile job market, relatively speaking, but you know what it's like these days - everywhere!
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Yad




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 22 2014, 5:59 am
Hi,

You have my sympathy. I just lost my job of 30 years because the school where I worked closed. I am also felling useless, displaced, and like you, I am desparate for a job. I'll davenfor you, bli neder, and please daven for me.

Yad
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 22 2014, 4:45 pm
OP here, I just wanted to update that I now have a bunch of hours from one of the original almost-offers. B"H it looks very promising now, some details are still falling into place but I have at least partial work at this point so that's a huge improvement, both financially, emotionally, and in terms of opening up more opportunities in the future (in my work, often once you get started in a place the work there can grow.) So I am still doing a bit of pinching and scrambling to make up for a month or so of no work and the coming month which will be patchy as things get setup, but I'm no longer floundering with those feelings of hopeless desperation. B"H!!!

Wishing everyone in similar situations to have similar results soon!!!
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libadmin




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 22 2014, 4:48 pm
Good for you OP! Thank you for updating us. May your story be a source of chizuk for all of us.
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