How old were you when you got married?

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View latest: 24h 48h 72h

How old were you when you got married?

0-20

42%

[ 212 ]

21-24

40%

[ 204 ]

25-29

12%

[ 62 ]

30-39

[ 21 ]

40+

[ 4 ]

Total Votes : 503

amother

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 5:41 pm

My dh is 17 years older. I was in my twenties, he was early forties, been together long long time!

amother

Mon, Sep 29 2014, 1:25 am

24. DH is a year (and two grades) younger - he was my 44th boy, I was his 4th girl.

mirror

Thu, Oct 02 2014, 12:16 am

Interesting to note: at 430 votes, this shows that 15% of women on Imamother got married at age 25 and over.

However, I would like to know what percentage of boys are still single and why.

Some guys just don't get their act together. Would therapy help more men get married (and ultimately more women)?

gold21

Thu, Oct 02 2014, 12:29 am

There's no reason for me not to set up my 29 year old friend with a 23 year old guy- in the non jewish world, that is. In our world, that would be an offensive suggestion to both parties.... Now, a 23 year old girl to a 29 year old guy- that's no problem. Duh. Whatever....

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Oct 02 2014, 7:40 am

gold21 wrote:

why is it offensive? I think thats a bit of an over reaction, no?
My parents just actually told us a story of a couple where the wife mentioned that she was 8 years older than her husband. Yes, they are frum Jews.
It can happen and it should not be offensive at all. It should also not be as stigmatized as something weird. Because it is not.

Ruchel

Thu, Oct 02 2014, 8:22 am

Offensive like Rashi's wife being 20 years older? or like Tosfos Yomtov's wife 15years? or the 7 years of Rabbi Hirsch's wife?

Odd.

MaBelleVie

Thu, Oct 02 2014, 9:00 am

Ruchel wrote:

Offensive like Rashi's wife being 20 years older? or like Tosfos Yomtov's wife 15years? or the 7 years of Rabbi Hirsch's wife?

Odd.

It's fairly obvious that the world we live in today is very very different from the world that those people lived in. It would be considered very offensive to treat one's wife today as the wives of those people were treated. How many people today think it's ok to leave one's new wife and go study in yeshiva in another city, returning home three times a year?

Beingreal

Thu, Oct 02 2014, 10:36 am

I agree with copper member and a few others. Statistics don't mean anything. When the time is right, it will come. I got married at 22 and my dh was 24. I have an older sister and I got engaged and married before her, which I thought would never happen since we are so close. She did get married at the age of 27 so you really can't know and make up numbers.

Chayalle

Thu, Oct 02 2014, 10:51 am

gold21 wrote:

My cousin, in her 30's, recently married her DH, who is 4 years younger than she is.

Tons of people knew both of them, but only one brave Shadchan thought outside the number box, and looking at personality, realized they would be a great match.

I do think if people started looking at PERSONALITY and not at NUMBERS there would be more shidduchim.

Chayalle

Thu, Oct 02 2014, 10:54 am

amother wrote:

I was 20 when I got married , my husband was 23, could never have married someone my own age, and a lot of my friends feel the same way, it's almost as if you want to marry a " a man" not a " boy" maybe more for me seeing as I got married very young, IMO.
I may get back lash for saying this, but personally I think there are other aspects more to blame for the shidduch crisis
Not so long ago, there was a thread about wether you have to tell people whether a girl/ boy is an "IVF'er" meaning they were born through IVF, I was quite shocked from that and kind of wondered " what has the shidduch system come to "

There are boys who are MEN....and there are men who, at whatever age, are still BOYS.

It really is more personality than age.

I know a couple (in my parents generation) who married each other Chassidish style. One fine day after their wedding, the wife told the DH that it's her birthday....to which he told her it's also his birthday....they were the same age, and they hadn't known!

Two of my brothers are younger than their wives. You would never know unless they told you.

Ruchel

Thu, Oct 02 2014, 11:43 am

MaBelleVie wrote:

This happened to wives of all ages.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Oct 02 2014, 2:10 pm

amother wrote:

I agree with the other poster who posted a reply to this post. It is not so much the age as the personality of the person. I dated a guy 10 years my senoir when I was 24. He was 34. He was one of the most chidish guys I went out with.
Its a personality thing. thats all.

self-actualization

Thu, Oct 02 2014, 3:08 pm

OPINIONATED wrote:

Interesting to note: at 430 votes, this shows that 15% of women on Imamother got married at age 25 and over.

Right. But what it does not say is that anyone who hits 25 only has a 15% chance of getting married!!!

So, if most of the married frum women find their bashert before age 25, it could still be the case that nearly every frum girl gets married, albeit the bell curve thins out after age 25 ...

Can anyone articulate it better than me?

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Oct 02 2014, 4:31 pm

Edited.

Last edited by amother on Wed, Dec 30 2015, 12:00 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 7:15 am

I was 34 and my husband was 33 when we married.

Out of my my class of 56, 50 were married before the age of 25 (probably 45 of them before the age of 22). Of the other six, three got married at 33/34 and three are still not married at the age of 47/48.

amother

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 7:17 am

I wanted to add that it's my understanding that what Mr. Rechnitz and the NASI project are trying to accomplish is not that anyone should refrain from suggesting older boys to younger girls if they think it would be a good match, but that people should also not refrain from suggesting older girls to younger boys if they feel it would be a good match. And that the young man and his parents should not automatically veto such a suggestion because of the age.

amother

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 8:20 am

I think many posters here are missing the forest for the trees.
Firstly, Mr. Rechnitz did not make up these "statistics". He says clearly in the original article that a big shadchan quoted these numbers to him, and he thought they were unbelievable. So he asked a second big shadchan, who not only confirmed it, but said that those numbers were actually more positive than the reality!
The poll here, and the individual answers are only individual, and far more skewed than the statistic quoted in the article (for too many reasons to list). The point is that Mr Rechnitz and the askanim and rabbonim who are promoting this idea are looking at the basic TREND in shidduchim. They aren't focused on individuals or exceptions. Obviously, by working to change the trend, they will ultimately be helping more individuals, notwithstanding the fact that you will always have people who fall outside of the trend.
Though this poll is flawed, you can still see that most posters responded that they are younger than their husbands. Now I ask the same women, how many girls in your class never got married?? Ask your husband the same question. The "numbers" show that the classes that graduated fifteen years ago had a higher percentage married at age 25 than the graduating class of, say, 8 years ago. In other words, if the trend doesn't change, each year the percentage if girls who are still unmarried at 25 gets bigger. But that is not true for the boys.

Slowly, slowly the trend is changing. It has become much more acceptable today for boys to go out with older girls. This idea has been out there for about ten years now, though it's only recently that it's become so widespread.

There certainly are many many factors that contribute to the problem. But the age gap issue is an external "culture created" problem which can be rectified by changing our perspectives. The proof of it's efficacy is that this problem largely does not exist in Eretz yisroel,Europe or in chasidish circles, where boys marry younger and the age gap is much smaller.

Ruchel

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 8:26 am

So the problem is only in USA?
Because indeed those stats are absolutely not what I see in any circle, frei to uber charedi, nowhere I'm familiar with as a shadchan. But. I've worked also with the USA, and haven't seen this. 15% when over 25? No. Not even in the worst places like with a heavy "older single" culture thing.
I feel something was misinterpreted.

amother

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 8:42 am

Again, it might not be your experience, but yes, the statistic quoted was for a very specific population- namely, the American litvish/yeshivish crowd.
And personally, I happen to know tons of older single girls and hardly any (marriageable) older guys. As someone who has dabbled in shidduchim, I can confirm that in shidduch groups, every person has a long list of girls and almost no boys. Every mother of a boy in shidduchim is inundated with phone calls, even for boys who are mediocre. The girls however rarely get phone calls, unless they have a lot of money.
Ruchel, the way you can see this for yourself is if you choose several Bais Yaakov high schools in America, and compare the 25 year olds who are not married , to the class five years earlier (who would be 30 now). According to these shadchanim, you should find that there is a larger percentage of 25 year olds unmarried today than there were five years ago in the same schools.
I don't know how I can say this any clearer...

CPenzias

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 8:50 am

I was 19. B"h 12 years later and we are happy. I consider myself very lucky and thank hashem.

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