Feeding kids in shul /rant

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FranticFrummie

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 1:43 am

Dear mommies of darling kinderlach, I'm so happy you are bringing your sweet little ones to shul with you. I don't believe that quiet children should be shut away from watching the adults daven.

That said, PLEASE do not feed them messy food in shul! The armrest of my seat was covered in strawberry jam, and I got it all over the sleeve of my white silk jacket, and all over the back of my siddur.

It made it really hard for me to have the right attitude for my YK davening - especially since I was judging you VERY harshly.

Now I am going to have an expensive dry cleaning bill, and I am NOT amused. Mad

/rant

studying_torah

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 2:03 am

Strawberry jam yikes! I'm sorry that happened to you, ff! All I can say is it should be a kapparah! ( maybe it will magically turn white, like the red string in the bais hamikdash did after y"k Wink

FranticFrummie

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 2:05 am

It had better be a kapparah for all the things I was thinking about that mother when I was supposed to be davening.

On top of a migraine, it was a rough evening. Confused

LisaS

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 5:34 am

You should post a sign on the door to the shul: In the sanctuary, water or milk in bottle only. Outdoors, serve whatever you like.

November

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 5:42 am

Sounds like Hashem threw you into a tough situation.

yo'ma

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 6:13 am

Or smelly foods Wink

FranticFrummie

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 6:29 am

I feel bad for the people who have to clean up the shul tomorrow. There were cracker crumbs, popcorn, cereal, and cookies all over the floors. If someone wanted to break their fast, they could have had a feast!

chaos

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 8:36 am

Feeding kids food in the sanctuary when others are fasting does seem strange. I didn't grow up Orthodox, but when I was a kids, we either ate our snacks in the shul basement where no adults were davening, or outside. Feeding your kids something messy in the sanctuary on a fast day and not cleaning up is kind of rude. I don't blame you for your davening struggles!

poelmamosh

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 11:07 am

The Rav here in CH said you are not allowed to feed kids in front of fasting adults on YK.

dGirl

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 11:13 am

Inside the shul is absolutely not a place for kids to be eating. I've seen it during regular Shabbosim and cannot understand how parents think the crinkling wrappers, distraction from davening, and potential mess, is ok.

My take on the subject is that if a child is old enough to be in shul, behaving nicely, they are old enough to be given a snack to take outside into the hall and eat. If they aren't old enough, then a mother's priority is to take care of the children, rather than being in shul - taking care of our kids IS our avoda!

If snacks must be brought on yontif due to long davening, please make sure it's thought out and not messy. Ideas are:

- cucumber slices
- baby carrots / carrot sticks
- squeezable applesauce, ie gogo squeeze
- grapes (halved for small kids, and many people have left over from ever yontif)
- cheese slices / cubers
- apple slices
- yogurt eaten with a straw poked through the lid = less mess
- sandwiches

And again, remember that the role entrusted to those lucky enough to already be mothers is to take care of our children. The reason we are not obligated in tefila b'tzibur is that this is our role now. Please do not disturb those who are davening, or put or allow children into a scenario where the could disrupt the klal's kavannah, epsecially on y'K.

Wishing everyone a good year of mazal, bracha, and simcha.

imasinger

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 1:14 pm

How infuriating.

And what a great object lesson on how fragile is our ability to focus on ourselves. (I would have had the same problem).

I find that those negative thoughts come most quickly when I feel helpless in the face of an unprovoked attack.

So, here's a suggestion.

Don't get mad, get even.

Well, not exactly "even", but you can do something that might help you and others.

Call the shul and tell them what happened. They need to know, so they can clean the chair before someone else suffers, or the seat is permanently damaged. Ask them if they will put a note on the shul calendar that next Elul, when they are setting up seating, babysitting, and whatever, they will include a reminder to parents not to bring food in the shul. Especially sticky food.

If you can, then call next year and remind them.

marina

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 1:32 pm

I think this depends on your shul. We are laid back and very casual. People always give kids snacks in shul and no one cares. Strawberry jam all over a seat would still be a bit much, but regular crackers or cake or pretzels is no big deal. Just dust off your seat before you sit down.

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 2:20 pm

I brought food for my kids (to shofar - didn't go to shul yesterday) but I made sure to take all foods out of the noisy cellophane bags and put into ziplocs, didn't bring anything crunchy/noisy or sticky. I remember being bothered by those things when I didn't have kids and I was davening in shul. But to say no food means no kids in shul altogether pretty much, and I think that as long as the kids are really quiet, that wouldn't be a fair rule.

amother

Mon, Oct 06 2014, 7:19 am

Our shul is very heimish and it's normal for kids to eat pekelach there. Strawberry jam, though, is shock

Frumdoc

Mon, Oct 06 2014, 8:35 am

Loads of children in our shul, sitting down and running in and out, but no food at all inside the room we were davenning in. I wouldn't be bothered by food inside (strawberry jam excepting) but there was none. Even on Rosh hashana, thinking about it. I guess they must have eaten outside, I saw some tables with snacks etc.

I was very impressed by the behavior of the children this year, not a sound during most important parts of davenning and very little otherwise. It helped that we held our minyan in a school hall, so there was a big yard and plenty of things for them to do, plus had paid babysitters for younger children in a separate room. And maybe 80% of the women there brought their children of various ages, so it wasn't exactly a child free zone. It is a pretty laid back minyan, people had their 2 or 3 month old babies for some of the time, and come dressed how they feel comfortable, so big variety of clothes, covering up and headgear.

The atmosphere is always beautiful, which is what matters to me.

Last edited by Frumdoc on Mon, Oct 06 2014, 8:40 am; edited 1 time in total

FranticFrummie

Mon, Oct 06 2014, 8:38 am

I was thinking "Thank G-d that it's not peanut butter, and that I'm not allergic." That would have been a disaster of epic proportions. What if it WAS peanut butter, and it was someone else's child sitting there next? shock

(I do have a friend who is violently allergic to strawberries, and will go into anaphylactic shock if she touches them with her hands.)

DrMom

Mon, Oct 06 2014, 8:57 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

(I do have a friend who is violently allergic to strawberries, and will go into anaphylactic shock if she touches them with her hands.)

Thinking of the Bamba odors wafting through my nostrils during a recent Yom Kippur davening...

Barbara

Mon, Oct 06 2014, 11:24 am

marina wrote:

We're like that at my shul as well, but it does drive me batty when people leave a mess for the building staff. If your kid drops a cookie, pick it up and throw it out, for heaven's sake! And if you're an adult, that goes without saying. It was horrible to see all of the trash and wrappers on the floor after Ne'ilah.

OP, hope the jam comes out.

CatLady

Mon, Oct 06 2014, 12:14 pm

Quote:

Thinking of the Bamba odors wafting through my nostrils during a recent Yom Kippur davening...

And now I'm thinking of the neighbourhood shul I went to one YK which was located right next to a Dunkin Donuts. As we entered the homestretch of Neilah, they decided to fry another batch of donuts. This could not have been worse timing, in fact, one elderly gentleman fainted. I'll never know if it was related to the donuts, but prove to me it wasn't!

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