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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts

To family members for hosting

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amother

Tue, Oct 07 2014, 6:28 pm

We live a 20 minute drive away from family, but a 3 hour walk. Therefore for yom tov or family simchot or family get togethers we usually move into someone's house so we can spend shabbos/yom tov together. The meals are usually split between my dh's family and my family. This usually happens about 4 times (meaning this coming yom tov is 3 days but I'm considering it 1 time) a year.

If I was staying at my mother's house (she is no longer alive) or my in laws I would arrive, plop my stuff down, offer to help, although I would have been told to just relax and enjoy.

I offer to make food for the meals. The only one who takes me up on the offer is usually my father's wife, but not my sis in laws.

Once in a while we will bring wine but not always.

Am I required to bring a gift each time to my sis in laws?
Am I required to bring a gift for my father's wife?

Raisin

Tue, Oct 07 2014, 6:35 pm

I think you should. If you are staying with someone for 3 days and eating all meals, bring a nice gift, such as wine, fruit, chocolates, or other food they can enjoy on yom tov.

If you are making food I don't think a gift is necessary.

naomi2

Tue, Oct 07 2014, 6:38 pm

if you make a dish for your fathers wife that's enough for the other hosts you should bring something. doesn't have to be big . maybe flowers, a book, candy or toy for the kids. just something to show you appreciate them having you. if you can afford more then maybe a serving dish or washing towel set, especially for a long yt.

mommyhood

Tue, Oct 07 2014, 7:48 pm

I don't bring gifts when we go to our parents or in laws. I always make something (coordinating with the hosts). We have gone to a sibling occasionally and when we do that I do bring a gift in addition to making food. I usually bring something for the kids.

amother

Tue, Oct 07 2014, 9:09 pm

I disagree with the above responses. You and DH (any kids?) are going to someone's home for a three day yt- bringing one or two dishes is nice but I would definitely bring a gift as well. Whatever your budget allows- flowers, chocolates, wine, something for the house you think she'd enjoy. A magazine subscription? Again, I don't know what your budget is, but I think you should consider the fact that they're saving you the expense and bother of making yt, and be generous.

dr. pepper

Tue, Oct 07 2014, 10:49 pm

Pretty bad about gifts to my parents and inlaws though I usually bring food.

GOing to my brother in sis in law for the first day. Bringing lots of food and a game for the kids.
I always appreciate a game or good Jewish book.

My friend just told me she and her family coordinate meals! I thought that was brilliant and would offer that next time.
ex: I'll take care of first night yom tov....from appetizer to dessert.

It just seems more helpful than 2 sides here and 1 salad there.
At least for me it would be Wink

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