Freaking out- my six year old's confession

lost

Mon, Oct 13 2014, 7:24 pm

The fact that your child is talking about it and not keeping it as a shameful secret is the biggest predictor that she will overcome what ever trauma the bullying caused. It sounds like you live in Brooklyn, we have amazing experts in the area who will do a wonderful job of getting her through this. No need to mortgage your house.

ValleyMom

Mon, Oct 13 2014, 8:19 pm

In a situation like this you MUST propel yourself forward and LEARN from the past.
Thank god you're going to get the help your daughter needs to move forward.

I can't stop thinking about the abuser and wondering how she is progressing--She is probably even MORE of a BULLY because abuse only gets worse.

Make sure your daughter KNOWS and UNDERSTANDS that she is NOT TO BE anywhere near this other girl and if she finds herself near her-at shul, a birthday party etc she should go straight to an adult and stay there until Mommy comes.

I'm wondering if someone needs to report that girl to social services so the homelife is investigated. Can you imagine if we find out 10 years from now that a young frum girl hung herself in a bathroom after enduring years of abuse silently??!

ElTam

Mon, Oct 13 2014, 11:23 pm

Dolly, for the love of everything holy, please stop. Just stop. Please.

amother wrote:

Quote:

AND LET HER KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

This might or might not be good for the child. That's for a child therapist who has expertise in this area to decide.

OP, I hope you are getting good support. Call your insurance and find out exactly what they cover. Most plans cover some mental health and very good providers do take insurance. If the provider you want your child to see or you want to see is not in your network, there should still be coverage once you hit your deductible. Call and make them walk through all of your options. Or have your husband make the call.

I would personally think very seriously about changing pediatricians. It doesn't seem like the one you have served you very well. I would be hesitant about taking his/her advice going forward.

And before you call the preschool, do make sure you know the laws regarding consent for recording. You should be able to find the results with a quick google search. Many states are one-party consent states, but not all.

Wishing your family healing.

amother

Tue, Oct 14 2014, 1:23 am

Report this case to authorities.
The other girl has been molested. Not reporting this abuse will just add to her pain, and yours too. Sooner or later, when you see your child getting better, you'll feel guilty for not helping the other one. This situation can cause more damage to you than to your dd.

Your daughter has you to fight for her and she will overcome this situation, with all the support you provide.
The other girl has no one standing for her. She needs to be removed from her home and be sent to a foster home until an investigation is done.

amother

Tue, Oct 14 2014, 4:19 am

OP - don't second guess yourself, no matter how many people encourage you to do so.

This happened to my girl - she was also 4 at the time. Her babysitter was beating her (not her sisters, just her.) A babysitter who came highly recommended. I didn't realize until I saw a black and blue mark on her face and asked directly. It had been going on for weeks.

I knew she was sad, but she didn't have the language to tell me why. Her sisters didn't know they had to tell another adult, they were trying to encourage her to behave better.

And the best part - a number of people in the community saw it happening. Do you think anyone told me? Nope, they just muttered that a good Jewish mother shouldn't be working, look what can happen. Do you think any of them volunteered to babysit? Nope, probably interfered with their naps. I found this out by trying to alert others, but they already knew. I spent days scouring for a replacement babysitter, and thank G-d I found one.

OP - just keep going forward. Hug your child, postpone bed time and have lots of mommy-daughter moments. I hope you can find a therapist, but G-d forbid you can't or can't afford it, you will have so many wondeful moments with your daughter, and I pray that her life is full of so many good times, that this will soon be forgotten.

And don't listen to judgemental bastards who have no clue. Wishing you strength and serenity.

amother

Tue, Oct 14 2014, 4:53 pm

amother wrote:

Excuse me amother? While I'm not eliminating the possbility of the girl being molested, I'm not going to say it's a fact either. After being on the other side (being accused of being molested as a small child) I have seen the life long damage it has done to some people around me. I was too young to have been involved with others, but you cannot go around reporting without due cause and right and left. A child touching another child does not mean the child is a victim of molestation. Actually, many children healthily touch one another, showing off their body parts. while I never touched any child, I certainly mutually played "show and tell" at 2 or 3. The OP sounds like she I discussing something more traumatic (child regressing, child having accidents or utis, etc.) which is why she must be evaluated and treated, but watch your mouth. You can't go around accusing people of things, and reporting such things is harmful because not only does it sometimes result in misused resources and trauma, but also results in stricter regulations for reporting suspected abuse which hurts those abused. OPs therapist will advise her what she should do.