teetering at the edge of the abyss

amother

Wed, Oct 22 2014, 10:17 am

I debated posting this in the mental health section but decided to post it here instead... I'm having crazy anxiety about money. To put it as briefly as possible, we are down to our last few dollars, used up our savings, and I have tons of bills that are due soon. My husbands paycheck covers the mortgage with nothing left over, so my small business usually covers the rest of the bills. (Is this ideal? No way. Would we have bought a house if we knew this would happen? No. But due to circumstances were in this situation right now...)

This has happened for the past while and most of the time I'm able to make enough that we scrape by - but only by the skin of our teeth. But never before has our savings been down to this little (almost zero to be exact) and the anxiety over this is excruciating.... not having even a tiny cushion to fall back on is, to me, extremely scary. We have cut our spending way way down, yom tov this past month added a lot of extra expenses also...

Right now we don't have any credit card debt and I'm very very against it so I feel like paying the minimum payments isnt even an option. I do not want to start down that slippery slope.

I can ask my parents for help and they will give in a moment but I'm married ten years and I feel that its such an embarrassing, irresponsible thing for an adult child to go crying to their parents...

Basically, I know for the long term we must change our financial situation and my husband is in middle of negotiation a big raise/ position change at his job. But for right now, how do I deal with this very scary, anxiety inducing situation where I'm terrified of going into cc debt because we cant pay all our bills this month?

Who do I turn to?? Do I suck it up and ask my parents for money? Do I call the school and try to get a lower tuition rate (we already have a reduced rate) ? How do I cope with the anxiety and fear of not having any money left and possibly going into cc debt? p.s. I'm already seeing a therapist but we just started and havent gotten to this issue yet. I just need some advice but mainly chizuk to get through the next few weeks Sad

amother

Wed, Oct 22 2014, 10:35 am

No chizzuk here but if comparing helps...

I have six children
$50,000 debt not counting credit card debt
A mentally unwell husband
no savings
not enough income to cover the month

You sound like you will come around the bend

chani8

Wed, Oct 22 2014, 10:37 am

Talk to your mother, by asking her advice. Ask her what she thinks about going into credit card debt. Maybe she'll offer to help. Or maybe she'll assure you that it's not the end of the world for now.

amother

Wed, Oct 22 2014, 10:39 am

I would ask your parents for a loan saying that DH should be getting a raise and you will pay back so much every month. This is a much better idea then paying interest to the credit card companies. You can also hold back until the raise on tuition payments. Just call the school and explain.

Financial stress is a misery.

amother

Wed, Oct 22 2014, 11:41 am

Have the school reduce your tuition as well as asking for a loan. Try tomchei shabbos and your neighborhood fund. Are you eligible for any government programs? There are charities that help with yom tov expenses.

amother

Thu, Oct 23 2014, 2:00 pm

amother wrote:

I would ask your parents first. They're likely to be far more understanding than the finance office at your children's school.
I've been in the position where I've had to ask the school to reduce our tuition even more, and it was a painful, humiliating experience. Sadly, the school I send my kids to is known for that type of behavior. I hope not all yeshivas are like that.

groovy1224

Thu, Oct 23 2014, 2:15 pm

Ask your parents for a loan instead of an outright gift. Then you can pay it back when you're in a better position financially.

Nechamie

Thu, Oct 23 2014, 4:33 pm

Are you able to refinance your mortgage and get a lower interest rate? You might even be able to get some cash out and make lower payments for your home!

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Oct 23 2014, 4:39 pm

Gloriosky do some kibbud am and let your parents help you. From what I gather it would not stress them financially. Let them have the pleasure of paying the school. The rest you deal with. Parents love to pay for school.

amother

Thu, Oct 23 2014, 4:48 pm

As a mother to a few marrieds plus still raising little ones and teens I just have a few words fot you. I always tell them"when you don't ask me for financial help that's when I worry most that ur struggling and hiding it from me". Just know this and let them know when ur managing ok too.

amother

Thu, Oct 23 2014, 4:50 pm

What's so terrible about a little credit card debt if you know dh is going to be getting a raise soon and you'll be able to pay it off IYH? Covering all your expenses each month means you're actually way better off than the majority of middle class frum families.

What can you do to grow your business? Maybe tell us what your business is and we can help with suggestions?

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Oct 23 2014, 5:08 pm

Credit card debt charges so much interest that the risk is high you will never, ever, ever, ever, pay it off, and will still be paying it until you meet your earthly end of days at 120.

I did this once. I bought some beautiful curtains on cc, and ended up buying them about three times over, after they were long used up. I paid them off with a windfall, and learned my lesson.

To those who have cc debt, I mean no disrespect, but that's my thinking about this. This debt is voluntary. Nobody makes you do it, so it is fair game that they charge so high a rate that you will only be making the minimum payments.

The minimum payment does not reduce your principal. You are back where you started. It is like those toys that bounce back up when you knock them down.

If I learned that a kid preferred paying 18 or 23 percent to coming to me, I would cry for days. Don't do this to your parents.