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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
amother
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 Thu, Oct 23 2014, 12:34 pm
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I am too much of a coward to post this under my screen, as I am sure tomatoes will fly. Yes, it does make a difference to me how many people will actually be attending the simcha. If both my husband and I attend, then I would say $100 (we are OOT). But, if only my husband goes, then $54 or more likely a similarly priced gift off their registry. If you RSVP very quickly, and they get a certain number of nos within the first week, they can send out a few more invitations if they like.
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Ruchel
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Thu, Oct 23 2014, 12:41 pm
180? Well, geez, happy I don't live where you live! I would never attend smachos.
I have never heard of such things. Not heard, not witnessed.
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groovy1224
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Thu, Oct 23 2014, 12:46 pm
| amother wrote: | | I am too much of a coward to post this under my screen, as I am sure tomatoes will fly. Yes, it does make a difference to me how many people will actually be attending the simcha. If both my husband and I attend, then I would say $100 (we are OOT). But, if only my husband goes, then $54 or more likely a similarly priced gift off their registry. If you RSVP very quickly, and they get a certain number of nos within the first week, they can send out a few more invitations if they like. |
I think that makes sense, but for other reasoning. If your whole family is invited to a wedding and attends, it's probably because the hosts are very close friends. Generally only adults are invited. So naturally you'd give a larger gift than you would if just your husband attends. Not because they're paying for more meals, but because clearly they're not as close friends.
I have no idea what RSVP'ing early has to do with a gift amount. If a bunch of people say no,I should give an additional check to make up for lost gifts?
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amother
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Thu, Oct 23 2014, 1:00 pm
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RSVPing early has nothing to do with gift amount. I just feel that if I RSVP early that only one person will attend, then I know that if they choose, they can invite someone else to fill my spot (and presumably will receive a present from that person). I don't give the same level of gift if one person of the couple attends the simcha as when both do. An exception is made for super-close family.
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b from nj
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Thu, Oct 23 2014, 5:12 pm
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I would also give less than the amount I quoted of $100-$150 if only one of us is attending. In that case I would probably give around $54-$75 most likely or buy a gift instead.
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Barbara
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Thu, Oct 23 2014, 5:16 pm
| Ruchel wrote: | 180? Well, geez, happy I don't live where you live! I would never attend smachos.
I have never heard of such things. Not heard, not witnessed. |
Then you certainly don't want to live in my community, where that's not a particularly generous gift. I think we gave $360 at the last wedding we attended.
Of course, our wedding are generally smaller, and only relatively close friends are invited.
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MaBelleVie
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Thu, Oct 23 2014, 5:19 pm
| Ruchel wrote: | 180? Well, geez, happy I don't live where you live! I would never attend smachos.
I have never heard of such things. Not heard, not witnessed. |
We received that much from people in Paris.
Most people who give $180 or similar are financially comfortable or wealthy. I have never received that much from people who are tighter financially, besides immediate family.
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amother
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Thu, Oct 23 2014, 5:41 pm
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In NY I would say the going rate is between $100-$180 per couple ($100 is definitely on the lower end though). People give as high as $250 depending on the community. Family sometimes gives more, also depending on your circles. Yes, I think it's kind of crazy, but I would rather give nothing than give a check for under $100- I would feel like I was being cheap.
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amother
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Thu, Oct 23 2014, 7:17 pm
I couldn't believe how many people came to my wedding empty handed. Not even a card. I'm a BT and to my parents, it was a real chillul hashem. They were disgusted and honestly, so was I. So apparently in the frum world, coming with nothing is an option too. 
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