Promoting independence through natural consequences

sky

Thu, Oct 30 2014, 1:15 pm

self-actualization wrote:

For the past two years, my son would sometimes forget to bring home his homework. Then I would text a mom in the class, get a picture of the homework, and rewrite it!! B"H our family grew, and I am now very busy when I get home. This year, my son started out and forgot his homework. So I said, "This year I am too busy to text and re-copy the hw sheet. You will need to do it during recess; I'll write a note to your teacher." Well, guess what. He never forgot his homework since then.

I LOVE the rebbeim\teachers who say at the start of the year that your child's homework is his responsibility and if he forgets or won't do it - then it isn't your job as a parent to enforce it, and then actually reinforces it in school. I appreciate that so much because it takes one less stress off of the parent-child relationship and teaches responsibility. My son this year told me his rebbe said getting me to sign his homework is my son's responsibility and not mine, and he takes the responsibility very seriously. (Obviously this has to be age appropriate)

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Oct 30 2014, 1:17 pm

marina wrote:

Quote:

2. Taking away time due to kid being slow/late -- if you have time with them in the evening/alone time, which I do recommend every parent having with every kid at least in the elementary school age, you can take away some of that time because they are causing you to spend extra time with them in the morning. Natural consequence. They need you to take them to school or go to work late or spend more time in the morning with them coaching them through the things they should be capable of doing on their own? Well, they got 5 out of their 10 minutes right then...

I don't know. I don't think I'd like to take away mommy time as a punishment. That's counterproductive for me.

Not if you explain it to your child (NOT in the heat of the moment, but as a calm discussion discussing what is going on and what are the ideas to change it -- and rules and limits should be done in such a fashion).

Your child is constantly asking you to stay in the room and coach him or her through morning preps or frequently missing the bus and asking for a ride. So you have a discussion about this problem. You come up with ideas. And you set a limit and natural consequence: "Mornings are very busy for me. I love spending time with you, and I have special time just for you in the evenings. However, if you are using some of the morning to have this one on one time with me, do understand this means you're choosing to have 5 minutes now, and 5 minutes later at night. Don't complain when you see Yitzy has 10 minutes before bed, because you are choosing to have some of your time in the morning."

I don't see that as a punishment; but it IS a consequence.

If it doesn't resonate with you, though, another idea is "You took 5 minutes of my time this morning. It takes me 5 minutes to wash the breakfast dishes <insert>. When you ask me to spend my time with you when I needed to be doing other things, I will ask you to help me out and spend 5 minutes to clear my schedule a bit."

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Oct 30 2014, 1:21 pm

sky wrote:

My daughter is in first grade this year, and her teacher has a booklet to do throughout the week with assignments for each day....but it's only collected on Friday. This way if one day does not work they can do it a different day, etc

Well, I got a call Monday night that her booklet was not turned in on Friday. Should the teacher send her last week's to re-do? The teacher was confident my daughter did it (she is a very good student). I could not fathom why the teacher thought that was a good idea at all! Double her homework load from this week? She told me to look around and then be in touch with her. I got her permission that if we didn't find it, she would just let it pass. My daughter is in first grade! Why in the world should it matter if the teacher saw last week's work or not -- she knows she did it, she knows my daughter isn't struggling...In the end I found it in the recycling with last week's work that had gone into the "old section" of her folder with her homework, so she turned it in.

I was so taken aback at how "important" this homework was, making me scramble to find it.

/vent

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Oct 30 2014, 1:25 pm

proudmother1 wrote:

Way too complicated for a child to understand.

Mommy time is a necessity. Part of the problem is that a lot of children don't get enough.

If anything, I would increase mommy time, and use it try and have a relaxed conversation with my child, and see if there is anything that is holding him back from performing to my expectations.

Ok, I put in another idea in a later post, but I do disagree with it being too complicated. It really depends on the age. I do think Mommy time is important, but I also think the kid who is getting an exclusive ride from Mommy is getting it then, even if he doesn't feel it. Seeing that he gets less at night one day is not going to damage him, but will make him want to have his all at one time (perhaps).

Having a relaxed conversation with the child about this is a GIVEN. I don't think that I include that as part of one-on-one time, though.