Asking me to get things for her

FranticFrummie

Thu, Oct 30 2014, 10:55 pm

OP, I feel you! This is definitely a preteen/teen thing.

They have so much more independence and responsibility now, and it terrifies them. They compensate by regressing into baby mode. If your child is an "acts of service" child like mine is, then that just makes it even more obvious. What she's saying is "Get me a glass of water", but what she means is "Pay attention to me, I'm feeling lost right now."

My answer always depends on what I'm doing at the time, because my boundaries have to come first. (I learned that the hard way!)

If she asks for water and is rude about it, I'll say "It's in the faucet, go get it."
If I'm already going that way, I'll say "Can you think of a nicer way to ask?"
If she asks nicely "Mama, could you please get me a glass of water?" then I will jump up to get it, and praise her for speaking so sweetly to me. I remind her that nice words get the best results.
If she's genuinely wanting me to get it, because she's curled up with a book, under a blanket, and has both dogs asleep in her lap, then I'll get it if she's been working on her behavior. Otherwise I tell her I'll get it when I have a chance.

Really, it's not about the water, or even the rudeness. It's wanting to connect. If I set aside time when I'm not looking at the computer, and really sit with her and have some quality talking, it helps her immensely. I think that she needs to be reminded that she's still a kid and I'm still the adult, and that I am in charge of things. Just because she's growing up, doesn't mean she has to go it alone.

Some days, she just really wants a good tickle fight. LOL