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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants
Nanny said my 10 week old is spoiled?!
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amother


 

Post Fri, Oct 31 2014, 1:03 pm
I just hired a new French nanny ( I live in usa). She initially seemed very sweet, albeit young (19) but more than once , she has said my 10 week old somewhat colicky baby is spoiled. She doesn't cry constantly, in fact there are nights when her tummy is better and she can sleep 4-5 hrs at a shot, before she wakes up for a bottle. I think that's rediculous, a baby her age isn't spoiled, she is gassy and has acid reflux ( even on alimentum and Zantac.)
Today, the nanny left my baby crying in her crib upstairs, so I said she can't do that. She said too bad, a baby can cry , especially after she was so fussy last night.
I don't know if her attitude is cultural, or because she is young, or cruel.
Dh wondered if she can be re taught ; I say it depends where it's coming from- cultural/immature thinking or meanness.
What do you think? Any ladies from Europe that can give me some insight?
Anon bec of specific details.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 31 2014, 1:07 pm
OP you may be a little hormonal or something.

Your course of action is to get somebody else

You are going to have to live with this child.

Neglect won't make that easier.

This must not go on.

I mean no disrespect but sometimes even in France the cheese just smells. This smells.

Your dear baby will be just fine with a different one.

Mazel Tov.
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IMHopinion




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 31 2014, 1:08 pm
Seriously? A 10 week baby cries a lot!

I would be very careful with a nanny who said that.
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ange




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 31 2014, 1:11 pm
Time for a new nanny.

As an aside, maybe she forgot she's employed by you but since you're the mom, you get to decide what she does and she gets to listen.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 31 2014, 1:13 pm
It doesn't matter if the nanny's opinion is cultural, cruel, or naive. What matters is that it's different from YOUR opinion.

You are the one raising your baby, and what matters is your opinion. If she isn't meeting the job description, it's time for a new nanny.

I personally would have a problem with a nanny who left my 10 week old to cry, because "she cried to much last night". But that's just my opinion.
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ange




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 31 2014, 1:17 pm
Btw, look into giving probiotics to help with the colic. That might help a lot!
But either way, love your child well by getting rid of this cruel person.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 31 2014, 1:18 pm
Out. Out. Out. It doesn't matter where her attitude comes from, that's not something you want. She may be able to follow your orders if you give explicit instructions, but she will not change her attitude.
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happybeingamom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 31 2014, 1:19 pm
Maybe your Nanny should have a case of reflux and see how it feels.

The brain of a 10 week old is not developed enough to be spoiled. Infants need to be taken care of. If a nanny can't handle a crying baby then it is time for a career change.

I just had to add she is blaming a baby for its behavior, something a 10 week old has zero control of.
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SingALong




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 31 2014, 1:22 pm
I think at 10 weeks old a child behaves based on instinct and physical feeling. They don't have enough intelligence to manipulate or make demands. They cry if something bothers them. I've definitely let my babies cry at times of I was showering/caring for other kids/setting myself up to nurse, ect. Buy limited to only a few minutes at a time, just to quickly take care of something and then take care of baby. Like if she went to dispose of a dirty pamper and wash up then go to baby, and baby was crying in those 5 min I would be ok with that. But her saying baby is spoiled and its ok if she cries for awhile doesn't sound right.

I think this nanny doesn't know how to care for babies or is lazy.
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sweetpotato




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 31 2014, 1:28 pm
How many babies can a 19 year old possibly have taken care of? Cultural or not, she can't be speaking from much experience.

And no, a 10 week old can't be spoiled.
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black sheep




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 31 2014, 1:36 pm
for a newborn, especially a coliky one, you need a very experienced nanny. she sounds young and harsh. and as soon as someone says a baby is spoiled, I would be wary of that person around babies.
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amother


 

Post Fri, Oct 31 2014, 1:54 pm
Op here: yes I wanted to get rid of her, dh was more hesitant. Thanks for the validation that a ten week old can't be spoiled or like to be held too much!
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MMCH




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 31 2014, 2:13 pm
40 years ago my mother hired a baby nurse for my older brother, her first.
and she was having a really hard time with him, he didn't nurse well, had stomach issues.
The nurse said "Ive never seen such a bad baby" when he was like 6 weeks old.
my mother loves to say that her line back was "theres no such thing as bad babies, just bad nurses"

Im sure your baby isn't spoiled. Im sure you are doing a wonderful job as a mother.
I would ask her to leave.

PS. if your baby is colicky, and you are nursing, have you tried going off dairy? (it really helped me!!)
good luck!!!
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 31 2014, 3:11 pm
Chayalle wrote:
It doesn't matter if the nanny's opinion is cultural, cruel, or naive. What matters is that it's different from YOUR opinion.

You are the one raising your baby, and what matters is your opinion. If she isn't meeting the job description, it's time for a new nanny.

I personally would have a problem with a nanny who left my 10 week old to cry, because "she cried to much last night". But that's just my opinion.

This. You are the mother. The nanny is your proxy. If she can't be faithful to your directives, get rid of her. And no, a 10 week old can't be spoiled. That is ridiculous.
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grateful1




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 01 2014, 2:41 pm
No such a thing as a 10 week old baby that's spoiled!
Some of my babies cried for a year!!!
Maybe it's colic, maybe something your eating doesn't agree with baby (if you're nursing), maybe milk formula isn't good for baby!
Maybe your nanny isn't built for "imperfect" baby's!!!
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Frumdoc




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 01 2014, 3:05 pm
Someone who leaves a tiny baby to cry as she cried too much last night is not someone who should be caring for tiny babies. No, tiny colicky babies who cry lots are not spoiled, they are in discomfort or pain and need help.

Sack her. Especially if she ignored your specific directions.
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r_ch




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 01 2014, 5:06 pm
Get a new nanny.

Signed: Lady From Europe.
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r_ch




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 01 2014, 5:09 pm
amother wrote:
Op here: yes I wanted to get rid of her, dh was more hesitant. Thanks for the validation that a ten week old can't be spoiled or like to be held too much!


Why would he be hesitant? A 19 year old with zero experience in childrearing is telling you bad things about your wonderful child...
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ven




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 01 2014, 5:26 pm
U can't even spoil an infant that young . The quickest a child is able to influence u " to get what it wants" is no sooner then 6 months. A baby that young should be cuddled and cherished and hold very close. Give the ignorant nanny a book in child's development psychology and add u sense she is lacking in background info about basic child development. Good luck !
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 01 2014, 6:48 pm
Have either you or your DH had employees before? It is sometimes hard to make the jump from being the one who follows orders to being the one who makes them. Your DH may not be used to this.

If this nanny is Mary Poppins in every other way, you could -- maybe -- consider telling her she was out of line and never to do that again, you are her employer, and she is not to say such things. Sometimes, offwring a last chance works.

Me, I'd vote against it with such an egregious statement from her. I'd start looking now for someone else, and decide whether it is worth it to have her around for the time your search takes, or do without.
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