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Diamonds are a girl's best friend ...
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 06 2014, 10:25 am
if a ring is bought as a gift - it should be bought by the chosson - IF the kallah agrees

NOBODY else not even mommy should be buying a ring ... she is not marrying her dil - her son is ...

& by golly georgie - if I knew I was opening a can of worms by people checking fingers, a pocketbooks for bedika cloths [yes it was a little funny] & coming to such deplorable conclusions ... I would run run run as fast as I could & take my daughter & her chosson with me ...

why on earth does one have to be pretentious for a community and wear a diamond or cubic zirconia or any other gem - let alone take one that is never to be worn
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amother


 

Post Thu, Nov 06 2014, 1:35 pm
luppamom wrote:
It's good to have s/t of value that you can easily take off and slip into someone's hand (if you can read btw the lines). That's why my father told me I have to get a ring. Only for me, the bracelet was more of an issue (I have tiny, tiny hands and bracelets look ridiculous), I would've preferred a necklace any day, but they got it for me at our engagement and I couldn't really talk about it before hand b/c we weren't officially engaged and that would sound like a huge hint before and once I was getting engaged, I decided not to make an issue. It's still huge (not really possible to take it in w/o detracting from the value). But, how often do I get nice jewelry now? I am so happy that I have a nice ring, bracelet and necklace to wear to simchos and for Shabbos. Once you say you don't want it, you can't ask for it again after 5 yrs. or when you get sick of ppl wondering if you broke your engagement/marriage (can be the next story for that post about rude things ppl have said). It's not her $ and if she's already gave them a chance to opt out, then it's their business. It's a present!!! It's rude to complain about presents!!!!

just FYI my SIL got a bracelet but she doesnt like wearing bracelets- they get in the way for her, so she had a chain added to it and now she has a very nice necklace....
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 06 2014, 1:56 pm
greenfire wrote:
if a ring is bought as a gift - it should be bought by the chosson - IF the kallah agrees

NOBODY else not even mommy should be buying a ring ... she is not marrying her dil - her son is ...


Here's the problem that I'm seeing: it sounds a little like your DD is giving the appearance of trying too hard to be a traditional, non-traditional bride. By that, I mean that she is rejecting all the same customs that every other "non-traditional" bride rejects. I'm not saying that she is doing this intentionally; rather, that's how it may appear to others.

IMHO, two things need to happen:

a. She needs to choose her battles; and
b. She needs to be reminded that her tastes will likely change in the future, and that it's unwise to write anything in stone.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wearing rings. Lots of people have sensory issues; lots of people find rings incompatible with their work; lots of people don't like certain types of rings, etc.

But I think it's a mistake for your DD to give the impression that she somehow feels a ring will infringe on her individuality.

I would recommend buying an inexpensive ring -- Ebay is a great source. In fact, heck, buy two or three rings in different styles. None of MIL's family or friends will be armed with a jeweler's loupe! Let DD try them out, and if she still doesn't want to wear them, they can live happily in the drawer. Frankly, this seems like a cheap and easy area in which to compromise and make everyone happy.
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ElTam




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 07 2014, 4:20 am
If she doesn't want, she doesn't want. What a waste of money to buy someone something they don't want so other people will approve.

That being said, if it's going to cause huge problems, what about an eternity band with small diamonds. It's not so in your face and they can be very reasonably priced. Here's one for under $1000. http://www.bluenile.com/rivier.....oduct (Look at Blue Nile eternity bands for other options.)

Just as an aside, when my ILs got married they were dirt poor. My FIL went to Sears and got the most expensive ring he could afford...a gold band that cost $19.95. They will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary in a year and a half. They are comfortable now and my FIL has offered numerous times to buy my MIL a diamond ring, or any kind of fancy wedding ring she wants. She always says she doesn't want to mess with success.
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Sanguine




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 07 2014, 4:31 am
I do not have a diamond ring. When we got engaged DH was just finishing college. Did I want him to go ask his mommy for money to buy me a ring?? Absolutely not!! Why would I want a gift from her?? We got married, had 5 kids, are still happily married. But no ring. I never really understood the point of it.
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amother


 

Post Fri, Nov 07 2014, 5:37 am
I didn't have a diamond ring when I got married. A friend rented jewelry from a gemach for me. A few months after we were married, my mother reminded me I had put away my engagement ring from my late DH which I was saving for my daughter.

I had it reset and wore it. People somehow thought it was less or unlucky and made not so nice comments. It could be because of jealousy although I didn't think so at the time. Six years later DH surprised me with a diamond ring with a larger center stone than the first. People also made not such nice comments about that ring.

If you don't care if people talk, then do what you want.
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amother


 

Post Fri, Nov 07 2014, 5:39 am
ElTam wrote:
If she doesn't want, she doesn't want. What a waste of money to buy someone something they don't want so other people will approve.

That being said, if it's going to cause huge problems, what about an eternity band with small diamonds. It's not so in your face and they can be very reasonably priced. Here's one for under $1000. http://www.bluenile.com/rivier.....oduct (Look at Blue Nile eternity bands for other options.)

Just as an aside, when my ILs got married they were dirt poor. My FIL went to Sears and got the most expensive ring he could afford...a gold band that cost $19.95. They will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary in a year and a half. They are comfortable now and my FIL has offered numerous times to buy my MIL a diamond ring, or any kind of fancy wedding ring she wants. She always says she doesn't want to mess with success.


My mother did get a nice diamond. (Her FIL worked in the diamond industry). She later sold it out of necessity and replaced it with a CZ. No one had to know.
She always said that she doesn't care, and I believe she really didn't as she is a very straightforward person.
My father always said he will replace the diamond for her one day, and she begged him not to waste the money. She doesn't understand why people like diamond rings.
She even said that if the money was spent on a diamond, why in a ring?
Fast forward about 30 years. My father got her a beautiful diamond ring as a surprise. All of a sudden, she loves a diamond ring.
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Frumdoc




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 07 2014, 5:53 am
greenfire wrote:
if a ring is bought as a gift - it should be bought by the chosson - IF the kallah agrees

NOBODY else not even mommy should be buying a ring ... she is not marrying her dil - her son is ...

& by golly georgie - if I knew I was opening a can of worms by people checking fingers, a pocketbooks for bedika cloths [yes it was a little funny] & coming to such deplorable conclusions ... I would run run run as fast as I could & take my daughter & her chosson with me ...

why on earth does one have to be pretentious for a community and wear a diamond or cubic zirconia or any other gem - let alone take one that is never to be worn


I agree it should be bought by the chattan, but in many circles this is not done :-(

Mine means so much more knowing it came from my dh, bought and received with nothing but love (well, obviously some cash came in handy!).

It means a lot to have something to show off when you are engaged, but if it doesn't do it for you, then leave it off...

Just don't cut your nose off to spite your face, it doesn't have to be a million dollar 5 carat ring, but sometimes a symbol is lovely, and it was definitely the time in my lifecwhen I succumbed to romance for the first and last time ever. That was fun!

I actually have 2 rings, one a $20dollar fun one he proposed with, and then a proper one. They both have enormous sentimental value, which is the real value of romantic jewellery.
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amother


 

Post Fri, Nov 07 2014, 7:51 am
I know someone who said "Why a diamond?" and did get an engagement ring, but with a different stone she liked. Only problem was, the stone cracked (maybe even before the wedding, don't remember).

Now if you're the superstitious type, this might get you nervous. I don't think they were, but the kallah remarked that now she understands better why engagement rings are diamonds (well, yeah, advertising by de Beers is probably why we believe this) - because diamonds don't break.

There must be lots of women with sensory issues who don't wear rings even if they have 'em. I can't wear a bracelet either, gets me too nervous. But I do have a CZ for when I get dressed up (if I remember to put it on, of course).

I got a wide wedding band cause I liked the look, but it was too uncomfortable to wear. Actually, that was the replacement. I can't remember now what the original (lost) one was. So one day when I was cashing in jewelery, I sold the (replacement) band! (Gasp!) I have a cheap silver band to keep my CZ on. Maybe one day I'll get a real one... I don't think DH knows or cares which I wear or don't wear.

Oh, and re: overlarge bracelet - DD had a link taken out of hers & made into a very pretty ring. Some can be made into earrings, depending on the design. & actually DD's bracelet is not her kallah one, she traded it in for s/t she liked better (although I am almost sure that as a kallah, she was given 3 to choose from, almost e/o I know does that, but I guess she didn't love any of the 3).
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