Chassan and Kalla in yichud room forever.

OOTBubby

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 9:57 am

I remember a chasuna where it took a very long time for the chasan & kallah to come in. We were all getting annoyed, but found out afterwards that the kallah was feeling very ill and had been fainting and vomiting constantly. They couldn't come in until she felt somewhat better.

mom4many

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 11:30 am

At a wedding of a close family member, yichud also took forever - prob around 2 hrs. Other family members had to leave & couldn't stay for dancing.

Later I found out the reason: the chossons shirt got lipstick on it very noticeably! Since he had no spare shirt & couldn't come out like that, he had to wait for a close friend to run out & buy a new shirt!!!
Now isn't that the funniest after all?! :-)

sweetpotato

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 12:04 pm

As others have said, there are a million more likely reasons: illness (I know someone whose chosson got bad food poisoning the night before the wedding and could barely stand at the chuppah), dress/suit/hair disaster (know someone whose dress kept coming unhooked), emotional anxiety, family feuds (know a wedding where the two sets of parents had a massive fight over the size of the mechitzah during the wedding), etc. weddings are high stress occasions with lots of room for problems.

I'm sorry you had a hard time participating in the mitzvah of being msameach chosson v'kallah due to your judgments.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 12:07 pm

I'm hypoglycemic, and add that to being nervous about the whole thing, I couldn't come out of the yichud room until I'd eaten some protein and carbs, and then I had to wait for my blood sugar to stabilize so that I would't pass out during the dancing.

amother

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 12:14 pm

At my friends wedding they took two hours to come out because the chosson was feeling very faint from fasting and they had to wait for him to feel better. Her gown also ripped so someone had to see it up. I don't know why you would assume they were all over each other that is the least likely reason to take long they are not stupid and know people are waiting. At my wedding we took a while cuz some of my makeup got on my husbands shirt and his brother was getting him another one. There are so many possibilities. Don't judge

amother

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 12:15 pm

mom4many wrote:

lol

my makeup artist put on lipstick that was darker than I liked, but it was the type that's supposed to stay on for 24 hours, so she couldn't remove it despite trying. after the yichud room she came to touch me up for pictures and was like "wait...your lipstick came off!" embarrassed

Snickers18

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 12:21 pm

We spent a long time in the yichud room. We had over 150 people at our wedding just with family and a few close friends, and we had to put a cap on it for financial reasons. We invited a lot of other people (including young former students of mine) for dancing later on but did not want anyone to feel awkward that they hadn't been invited for the whole thing and were just "tacked on at the end". So instead of the (what is for us) traditional coming out in the middle of the meal for the first dance, I requested that we only come out during dessert, when everyone would be there, so they could all feel like they had the same experience. I know it made several people happy. During dancing, I did receive a couple "What did YOU guys do in there? *wiggle eyebrows*", but a few people also told me that they really liked the way it was done and would like to try it themselves one day.

Anyway, this thread puts things in a different light because we stayed in the yichud room for a long time out of consideration for others, not to be inconsiderate. If I'd gone according to what I prefer, the fewer people to witness me dancing, the better. Wink

cbsmommy

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 12:29 pm

OOTBubby wrote:

I have a sneaking feeling that this is a common occurrence. Many years ago I was at a wedding where the couple took a long time to "come out."

The kallah threw up because she had been fasting all day and had to have her dress and herself cleaned up.

At another wedding the kallah felt faint and was literally lying on her back with her feet up while slowly drinking electrolyte water for an hour in the yichud room.

When I got married my wedding planner told us that she's worked at multiple weddings where either the chosson or the kallah throw up either before or after the yichud room. She advised us to consider a rosh chodesh wedding if we didn't feel comfortable getting a heter and if either of us couldn't fast.

tigerwife

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 12:32 pm

I know a Kallah who dehydrated. It's not that uncommon after a fast plus stress.

OTOH we were basically kicked out of the yichud room after like ten minutes due to random factors... Rolling Eyes

amother

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 2:26 pm

Me and my husband probably took the cake for longest yichud room stay, but it was completely innocent. After a few minutes our eidim left and everyone just kind of forgot about us while they...ate? took pics? don't even know, but by the time we came out (we were having a great time eating, laughing, talking and we totally lost track of time!) it was super late and I'm sure some people were super annoyed. Sorry if you were at my wedding and were waiting forever--we weren't exactly watching the clock!!

Chayalle

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 3:02 pm

tigerwife wrote:

I know a Kallah who dehydrated. It's not that uncommon after a fast plus stress.

I know one too. Let's just say that I will not allow any of my DD's to fast past Chatzos on their wedding day.

spring13

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 6:16 pm

Was this an evening wedding? It could be that after fasting for a long time and lots of excitement either the chassan or the kallah wasn't feeling well and needed to lie down or eat properly to recuperate.

amother

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 7:24 pm

I was a BT and took longer in the yichud room than people normally do, not out of inconsiderateness but out of not knowing what's the norm. People complained about it during sheva brachos and I felt horrible, it's still something that I cringe about and feel so embarrassed about. I honestly had no idea that people were waiting for us and getting impatient. I was just excited to spend time with my dh and thought everyone else would be busy eating and talking. I was just not aware of all the time pressures people operate under, I was young and didn't know, I really didn't know anything about wedding etiquette and there was no one to tell me. If you were at my wedding, I apologize!

amother

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 7:27 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

This is why many people I know are taking most of the pictures even with bride and groom together before the wedding since otherwise people are waiting forever.

The last few family weddings we had they took family pictures before the chuppa and left a small space to photoshop the choson and Kalla in so we shouldn't spend so much time taking pictures after the chuppah.
Thought that was smart

amother

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 8:40 pm

haha I know someone where the groom stepped on kallah's dress walking away from the chuppa and the entire skirt came off the back. They were Sephardic, and Sephardim don't do a yichud room. So they decided right there to do a yichud room and spent a very long time safety pinning the dress. Of course the guests were bewildered and there was no 'program' worked out in advance.