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-> Parenting our children
amother
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Sun, Nov 16 2014, 1:55 pm
3 year old DD always ONLY wants Ima. When DH tries to ask about her day at school, she protests. Only Ima can give her to eat, drink, dress her etc. unless I'm out of sight, then she's okay with Daddy doing those. If she wakes up in the night it's definitely only Ima and considering that she wakes pretty often (that's for another time...) it's very frustrating as I'm worn out and exhausted and would love it if DH could take over sometimes. Problem is she shouts and screams and wakes up the other kids.
We always tell her Daddy loves you, Ima loves you - her response is always only Ima. She is very very attached to me, and always was. This behavior is not something new at all but I'm desperate for things to change. It's awful for DH and extremely demanding on myself.
Any ideas?
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amother
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Sun, Nov 16 2014, 2:05 pm
I have the same exact problem. It's very very frustrating. DD woke up the other night while my DH was still up. He went in to her but she started kicking and calling mommy. He ended up waking me up so that she would not wake up DS. I don't really have any advice just to acknowledge the fact that I can relate.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 16 2014, 2:38 pm
OP here. Thanks for posting.
I get that it's often a normal toddler phase but at age 3 I feel it's gone overboard...
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debsey
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Sun, Nov 16 2014, 3:11 pm
Miram Amsel teaches a storytelling approach towards dealing with this.
You basically make a storybook with her, using photos of her and you tell the story of a girl who used to want "only Ima" but then Abba was sad. Also, sometimes Ima was busy (washing dishes, cooking,) and it was Abba's "turn" (at this age, they are starting to learn about turns in playgroup)
So the girl learned to say "Ima OR Abba, it's OK" etc.......
She's not too young to learn to modify her behavior a bit.
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amother
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Mon, Nov 17 2014, 11:47 am
debsey wrote: | Miram Amsel teaches a storytelling approach towards dealing with this.
You basically make a storybook with her, using photos of her and you tell the story of a girl who used to want "only Ima" but then Abba was sad. Also, sometimes Ima was busy (washing dishes, cooking,) and it was Abba's "turn" (at this age, they are starting to learn about turns in playgroup)
So the girl learned to say "Ima OR Abba, it's OK" etc.......
She's not too young to learn to modify her behavior a bit. |
OP here.
You're right. She shouldn't be too young to modify her behavior but she's one stubborn little girl. We've tried the storytelling approach to get her to stop waking so often in the night but that was unsuccessful so I can't really imagine it'll work now.
I feel like a worn out, exhausted, overworked rag doll!
I would love her to get over this super-attachment...
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animeme
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Mon, Nov 17 2014, 12:10 pm
Middle of the night will most likely be the last thing to change working with a social story approach (which I think makes sense). It's when she's at her least rational. But you can start to slowly change the daytime things. Since routine is so powerful, try to pick one thing that dh can do on a regular basis, preferably something functional (getting changed, as opposed to bedtime, which is more emotion-based). Have him add something fun that you wouldn't do, and/or use a reinforcement, if you need it. Once she gets used to that, she will be more open to adding more, and eventually she will be more receptive to being comforted emotionally, though she may still prefer you in the hardest times.
Speaking from experience here. My second grader has become more and more accepting of Abba as he has done more for her. He can even do bedtime, and often gives her more time than I would. But it took a few years.
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amother
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Mon, Nov 17 2014, 3:45 pm
animeme wrote: | Middle of the night will most likely be the last thing to change working with a social story approach (which I think makes sense). It's when she's at her least rational. But you can start to slowly change the daytime things. Since routine is so powerful, try to pick one thing that dh can do on a regular basis, preferably something functional (getting changed, as opposed to bedtime, which is more emotion-based). Have him add something fun that you wouldn't do, and/or use a reinforcement, if you need it. Once she gets used to that, she will be more open to adding more, and eventually she will be more receptive to being comforted emotionally, though she may still prefer you in the hardest times.
Speaking from experience here. My second grader has become more and more accepting of Abba as he has done more for her. He can even do bedtime, and often gives her more time than I would. But it took a few years. |
OP here. DH does already do things for her but as soon as she's cranky (or if I'm around) it all flies out the window and lands on me. I often sleep in late in the morning as I'm so exhausted and DH does the morning routine with her more or less without incident. DH also does carpool with her in the morning. She still drinks from a bottle and won't allow DH to fill it for her if I'm around. If he does she often goes to the sink to spill it and refills it herself. Other times she will only drink it if I give it to her so DH will fill it then pass it to me so that I can pass it to her. (That was actually an improvement a while back, before then she wouldn't drink it even if I gave it to her.) Understandably it's mainly the nights that bother me. I feel so worn out...
It's also a general over-attachment issue. She always says she'd rather stay home with me than go to school, and often actually refuses to go in the morning. She enjoys school so that's not the issue, she would just rather stay home with her Ima.
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bnm
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Mon, Nov 17 2014, 4:02 pm
why is she waking so often at night? I have a similar issue- my kid though prefers Totty. if I dare say 'I love you' he answers 'eech leeb totty-I like Totty' though middle of the night he is in MY bed....
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