How to cope and manage when baby wants to be held all day

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Nov 20 2014, 5:47 pm

You don't say how old she is.

Get a playpen, put her in it where she can see you very well, and talk and sing to her from outside it, doing other things. Give her a pacifier.

Make the sessions short at first then lengthen them. She needs to learn that communicating has other forms than being in arms. She isn't valuing connection via talking, and eye contact.

Make tons of eye contact. Smile and smile.

MaBelleVie

Thu, Nov 20 2014, 5:51 pm

Research actually shows that babies who are worn in carriers for a large part of the day meet motor developmental milestones at the same age as babies who aren't worn as much, or even younger. Being held or worn is apparently one of the best ways to help a baby develop. Unless there is a significant reason you can't use any baby carriers, I would suggest trying out a variety to find one that works for you.

ETA a baby under age one is supposed to derive comfort from being held. This is normal and should not be discouraged. It will not impede development in any areas, whether social, emotional or physical, and has only been demonstrated to aid in development.

Rosemarie

Thu, Nov 20 2014, 8:24 pm

Am watching this topic too.
My baby is so kvetchy and gassy. He needs to be held all day some days. Some days he is better but some days I find myself sitting on the glider with him all day. Am looking for ways to get houshold stuff done like this, cooking, straightening up, laundry... by the time he falls asleep I am sometimes so exhausted because he isnt calm even when I hold him, rather he is squirmy...
I am not necessarily against wearing him but cant figure out how you get things done that way anyway. You cant cook while wearing him, I cant imagine how you sit to fold laundry while wearing a baby...
Also I dont know anything about the types of carriers and wraps. I have a really cheap carrier from walmart that I bought many years ago to use on a hiking trip. I later read that some carriers are not good for posture or something so I dont even know if I should use mine.
My baby is a bit less than 3 months, if that makes a difference regarding your advice.
Any help would be appreciated

Etonnemoi

Thu, Nov 20 2014, 8:37 pm

sling might not be an option, but what about a Baby Bjorn?
don't know how I would survive without it

If the baby still cries I bounce gently or hold with one hand while in the Baby Bjorn and it's like magic - seriously don't know how I ever had kids without it. It's easy to wear and remove, soft, easy to wash, best thing ever. Far easier than a sling (I have both and love both but if you can't sling a BB is another story completely)

amother

Thu, Nov 20 2014, 8:48 pm

Etonnemoi wrote:

op here

my baby is 7 months. Is it possible to do chores while wearing the baby? Isn't it uncomfortable?

amother

Thu, Nov 20 2014, 8:50 pm

MaBelleVie wrote:

I hope so! Thanks

amother

Fri, Nov 21 2014, 12:27 am

MaBelleVie wrote:

I'm not sure what research you've seen but I am/was in the exact same predicament as you and I was told otherwise.

My baby was held so much that he was delayed in rolling over and crawling.
There is such a thing as a baby being held too much. If a baby misses certain milestones, or is delayed it can actually have ramifications years later. I had this with an older child. Speak to a physical or occupational therapist about this and they will be able to explain if better.

My baby cried the second he was put down, so I just held him a lot. Eventually, he learned to sit. He liked to sit up, so I thought if was fine if he sat in his booster or on the floor instead of on his tummy. But he still cried a lot and didn't roll over. I was told by a physical therapist to keep him on his stomache for about a half hour, four times a day. If he can't tolerate it, I should start with five or ten minutes and increase, or get down with him and play with him. If necessary, have him lie on my stomache.

This advice has been invaluable, as within two days, he started creeping and now he is happy to be on his stomache for a nice amount of time.

It's hard to hear your baby cry, but my pediatrician said to think of it as exercise and not let it get to me so much. (I HATE letting a baby cry). I realized she was right when two days later, he wasn't crying so much and learned to play independently for a while.

MaBelleVie

Fri, Nov 21 2014, 12:38 am

I have actually researched this topic pretty extensively and spoken to a number of therapists about it Smile

Certainly when a baby is not being held he should be placed in a position that supports development, not something that props him in a seated or reclined position. Babies should not be held or worn 24 hours a day, but yes, research does show that carrying or wearing contributes to improved development. I really can't comment on your baby's delays because of the number of possible contributing factors.

Dolly Welsh

Fri, Nov 21 2014, 1:06 am

There are cries and cries.

Some people dislike any change. If a baby is one of those people, he will cry just because something is different. Even if it's that he is now more developed - that's good but it's still a change.

It's more complaining than "I need something" or "I am afraid of something". It has a kvetchy sound. Eye contact and a smile will distract a baby from this kind of no-big-deal crying, and he will become quiet, without anything else being given to him or done for him. Look him full in the eyes.

Then he needs distracting. Something to think about. A durable baby book with colored pictures.

I saw a little girl, not a baby really, squall the house down until some kind person gave her a book. She was fascinated and a blessed peace descended.

We forget how BORED THEY CAN BE.

Don't react to every peep. A baby has to cry.

But give them something to read, examine, work with, shake, pull on, or something.

I too take a novel to jury duty. How could I stand it otherwise.

amother

Fri, Nov 21 2014, 9:32 am

I never used a baby carrier and held my babies most of their waking hours. They all reached their developmental milestones way ahead of schedule. It might be due to the fact that I always put my babies to sleep on their stomach, so they learned to lift their heads and roll over fairly quickly. Additionally, (since I work from home) when on the computer, I would put my infants (until they learned to roll over) tummy down on my lap. Another observation, my babies would stubbornly resist when I would try to put them down on the floor, arching their backs, clenching their legs, and screaming. This resistance, in my opinion, strengthened their back muscles and leg muscles, enabling them to sit, stand, and walk at an early stage.

I obsessed over each milestone, convinced that the next stage would make it easier. I would prop them up on my lap in a sitting position, move their hands and legs to help them crawl, etc. Baruch Hashem, for the most part, their behavior did improve as they advanced. But then they learned to tug at my skirt, pull themselves behind me and scream, leaving me with no choice to pick them up again, lest they fall if I move. And then I'd long for the time when I was able to put them down and they would stay screaming in one spot....

OP, how to cope? Well, mostly for the first year, I didn't. I tried my best to schedule my day around the (minimal) naps. Often, though, meals were limited to prep that was doable with one hand. Think chicken bottoms on the George Foreman grill , roasted frozen veggies, etc. I would toss in a load of laundry with one hand. Folding and ironing would wait for a nap. I used disposable extensively. Most of the cleaning chores waited for the cleaning lady.

Miri7

Fri, Nov 21 2014, 3:51 pm

I sympathize! My DS ( now 8 BH) wanted to be held constantly. It drove me insane!! And I got nothing done. Now of all my children he is the most sensitive and caring - and especially quick to see others needs and offer to meet them. He is also very sensitive to and resistant to change.

I second the suggestion to try every carrier in the store. There was only one mine liked.

If you are concerned about development, do more tummy time. Dad hated it but we did it 3 times a day and he seemed to turn crawl and walk on time.

You may have already tried it but the exersaucer, a hoppy with books to play with are great for my 7 month old. She also will sit in her high chair and push food around the tray. She ends up with a lot of rice stuck to her face and all over. But it keeps her entertained for a little while. I don't give anything that she can choke on and keep a close eye on her (the rice isn't sticky and clumped).

Good luck I know how hard this is!!!

Dolly Welsh

Sat, Nov 22 2014, 7:20 pm

There should be mutual agreement between the mother and the baby about how much to hold the baby.

I would not allow a baby to annoy its mother, because being held by someone who is not so enthusiastic about holding you is not a good experience.

That is the only reason I would advocate training a baby to get by, occasionally, a little, on only talk, singing and eye contact, just for the amount of time that is convenient for the mother.

In general I am very much for training any child to not do stuff that annoys or disgusts his parents.

Being perceived as icky, tiresome, or offputting by your parents is worse than anything else. One must forbid anything that is going to damage the basic friendliness of the parent for the child. And that in itself is very sufficient reason. It overrides any other considerations.

For instance, rather than try to get poop stains out of cloth underwear, throw them in the trash. You can get them clean but you can't get that dark stain out. Trying will make you angry at the child. You don't want to associate poop with your child.

Chuck the pants.

It's cheaper than psychiatry.

That stage passes quickly anyway. Chuck 'em. Into the garbage. Don't tell anybody.