Help me keep ds 3.5 yr old in his room

amother

Sun, Nov 23 2014, 11:35 pm

Ds is 3.5 years old. He has not been scheduled normally the past year as we lived with family. Till June he slept in another room just went to bed late..etc. I went on vacation in June without him and came back to a child who wanted to only sleep in our room...more like Dh bed. I tried to move him out but there ended up being a problem with his room so he basically was in my room.
I moved to a new house bh two weeks ago and he has his own room. He goes to sleep in it( not exactly nicely) but at a decent time...but EVERY single night he comes to my room crying and refuses to go back. He only wants to sleep near Dh. Any ideas to 1. Help me put him to sleep better 2. Keep him in his own room?
Also he is an especially difficult child besides this
Thanks

Ruchel

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 6:22 am

"Shmil Getzl, I would like to tell you that while you used to sleep _____, now that we moved you get to have your own room. It's much funnier because ______. So now you will sleep there. You can wake up /call on us/ knock on our door (wtv suits you OP) if there is (wtv) but both you and us need a good night sleep to be able to fully enjoy the day".

That's square 1.

Square 2 is bringing him back consistently.

Square 3 would be punishing.

Bruria

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 7:55 am

You could try putting him in bed a little later because maybe he would be so tired that he wouldn't get up in the middle of the night.
Or maybe put a futon or small mattress in your room, and convince him that if he is scared and he wants to be close to you or dh he can sleep in the futon, so he gets used to sleeping by himself again.

amother

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 8:14 am

We just started a chart with my daughter. She gets a sticker every day and then a big prize at the end of the week. So far we did one night. She came into my room I was too tired till like 5 am. I carried her to her bed and told her if she stays she gets a sticker and soon a prize. She cried but she stayed. She Ussually comes into my room like 2 am ever night.
I still rewarded her because she stayed in her bed after. And I'm hoping it will get a little better every night. She needs to see some reward right away. That's my opinion.

chani8

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 9:23 am

This is a stress reaction to all the moving/change and he just needs some reassurance and comfort for a little while.

Someone should lay with him until he falls asleep. I would even suggest that you or DH sleep all night in his room for a few nights.

When it seems he is no longer waking in the night, then keep the routine of laying with him, but leaving once he is asleep.

5*Mom

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 9:47 am

chani8 wrote:

This is a stress reaction to all the moving/change and he just needs some reassurance and comfort for a little while.

Yes. Studies show that moving house can be traumatic for children. It's a huge adjustment in a general sense, as well as being an upheaval to a child's fundamental sense of stability which is represented by his Home. You will have to invest time and effort into helping him with this transition. Find some children's books about moving at your local library. Role play with puppets, tell him social stories about moving and the feelings involved. Also, let him pick out some accessories and other features of his room, to give him a sense of having his own safe, stable space. After all of that, you can begin to address the issue of his sleeping in his own room if there is still a need.

amother

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 7:18 pm

Op here. Thanks for the replies. Dh or I lat with him every night to put him to sleep. We consistently try to bring him back to his bed when he comes out in middle of the night. But sometimes r too tired.
Before the move he refused to give up his borrlw. Bh I cut it out cold turkey when we moved and he hasn't asked for it since.
I also need to toilet train him......and have had noooooo luck so far.

5*Mom

Tue, Nov 25 2014, 1:22 am

amother wrote:

Way, way too much at once. He may not have asked for his bottle but still going through a sort of withdrawal from it. That's a difficult transition for a child. Moving is an especially difficult transition for a child. Toilet training can be emotionally difficult as well. Work on one thing at a time.

ETA: Re toilet training: so much has happened in his life recently that he has no control over but bodily functions are still an area where he does. It would make a lot of sense for him to resist toilet training now, and persisting may be counterproductive. I'd really let up on this for a while.

deams

Tue, Nov 25 2014, 1:13 pm

I understand what you are going through. I have gone through this and still working on this issue with my kids. I have made a chart that they can get one sticker for staying in there bed the whole night and a sticker for going to bed nicely and a prize on completion of the chart. I have a clock that changes colors for when it is time for them to get up ( the time to wake up color is set to to stay on for 2 hrs). If they do end up coming to my room then there is a place for them to sleep to on the floor. I have been firm and consistent. If does help that my son has a sibling in his room and he does not feel so alone at night. Keep in mind you just moved and you need to give him time to adjust. Good Luck!

Dolly1

Tue, Nov 25 2014, 3:04 pm

I had the same thing with dd. First think I taught her was; if she wakes up and wants us, she has to call us, there is no coming out of bed. And then I showed her by the window that it´s dark outside, and as long as it´s dark everybody has to sleep in their own bed, as soon as there is light outside, she may come into my bed. It worked very well. Wont say it wasnt hard in the beginning. We made a sticker chart and she got stickers and then a prize.
Good luck!