Homeschooling and Socializing

SplitPea

Tue, Nov 25 2014, 3:42 pm

amother wrote:

Hi there, I am thinking about homeschooling my kids, but I am worried about social life.How do you do it? Are there groups that meet up a few times a week?

Also, how was the transition? Did your kids enjoy being homeschooled instead?

Socialization is always the big question.

Think what is socialization? Being forced to sit in a desk for 6 hours a day and being yelled at for talking? Only talking to your classmates at recess and lunch?

A home school child socialized ALL THE TIME. And with proper parental support (think about schools where kids get bullied or don't know how to deal with social situations, now imagine being there being able to help your child through an uncomfortable social situation or stoping a bully before they start)

There is no organized NYC homeschooling group but there are local homeschooling moms that meet up. There are many of us who would love to do it more often if there were more interest.

I get to use all that saved tuition money to sign my kids up for classes, sports, arts, music etc that we could not afford otherwise where they can REALLY socialize and really get to have shared interest with other kids.

There are a few non jewish homeschooling groups that have meetups and classes also that are great to join.

(For the record I assumed because you didn't mention a location you are in NYC. Baltimore, NJ and other areas DO have organized homeschooling groups.)

There is a yahoo group Jewish orthodox and homeschooling that you might enjoy.

My kids are young 4, 3 , 18 months and 4months. We are out of the house doing activities every single day. We go to museum, aquarium, library, park, store, etc. we don't formally school with a curriculum but have learned that opportunities to learn are everywhere even in Things like grocery shoping.

Feel free to pm me for more info.

amother

Tue, Nov 25 2014, 4:02 pm

Thanks!! You know, what you said makes a lot of sense. Yes, I'm in NYC, assumed right!
I agree, there is so much going on in schools that parents end up not knowing about, bullying, all those things you said.
And you are right about having more control of your time to sign up for extra curricular activities, where they can actually socialize.
I am really going to look into this, it is very appealing.

amother

Tue, Nov 25 2014, 7:45 pm

amother wrote:

Anyone else has any experiences to share about socializing and homeschooling? I would love to hear about them

you have to be ready to be very involved and hands-on.

my mother's version of homeschooling me was to give me textbooks and lesson plans, sit me at the dining room table, and let me fend for myself. often I was home alone. I was bored stiff, didn't really have friends, and hated every minute.

amother

Tue, Nov 25 2014, 7:52 pm

amother wrote:

So after your experience you wouldn't recommend it? Or do you think you would have enjoyed it if it had been more hands on? In your case, from where were most of your friends( shul, summer camp)?

Gitch

Tue, Nov 25 2014, 9:48 pm

There is a difference between socializing, and having social interactions. In school, kids get to be with other kids in the same space. At home, kids get to learn from competent adults how to interact with others - how to effectively communicate, use appropriate language, deal with differences, share, resolve conflicts. They can then use those skills when they have social interactions with their peers.

When you homeschool, you don't dissappear. Your kids can maintain their school friendships, meet kids at shul, bnos groups etc. There are also homeschool groups that meet for classes, trips, or sports. Baltimore, North Jersey, Boston area, south Florida, LA have jewish groups, but most places have secular groups.

My kids all have friends, some schooled and some not. They have playdates on the weekends, sleepovers, are invited to birthday parties. We meet during the day at the park, take museum classes and play sports with kids every week.

Good luck!

amother

Tue, Nov 25 2014, 11:06 pm

Gitch wrote:

Tell me, did you always home school? If your kids used to be in school, how did they adapt?

amother

Tue, Nov 25 2014, 11:14 pm

amother wrote:

Anyone else has any experiences to share about socializing and homeschooling? I would love to hear about them

My kids used to be in school, and now we have been homeschooling for a few years.

I have to say that I find the question about socializing to be so ironic, because in school children don't actually learn any social skills, while homeschooled children do learn social skills. Being forced to sit in the same class with the same children for most of the day, every day, every year, is not the way to learn social skills. Meeting new people in new situations of all ages and backgrounds provides many opportunities for learning social skills. One of the biggest benefits to homeschooling has been that my children, now teens, are able to communicate successfully with anyone they meet, and they are able to make meaningful connections and friendships and form bonds based on shared interests.

It takes more work than school, because I have to take them out or arrange playdates and things like that, but it is well worth the effort.

I don't think kids in school learn how to socialize just because they see the same people every day.

Gitch

Wed, Nov 26 2014, 10:11 am

My older kids had gone to preschool before we started homeschooling, my younger two have never gone to school. My kids were excited to start, and continue to prefer being home. When we evaluate at the end of each school year, they are unequivical in their desire to remain at home.

As far as curriculum, there are so many out there to choose from, especially for chol. Before you decide, you must think about your goals - what do you want to accomplish, what is motivating you to do this, and how do you want to get there. Your learning/teaching style, your kids learning styles will also affect what you choose. There are also many different ways to homeschool, so you need to find what will work best for you.

amother

Wed, Nov 26 2014, 11:46 am

I was homeschooled, and I was extremely social except for the 2 months I was in school and the drying out period after. I had a huge problem with bullies in school. I mostly made friends through shul and volunteering. I will say that you shouldn't worry if your homeschooled child doesn't have friends. My sister, who was just as homeschooled as I, didn't have many friends but she is just more quiet and introverted and she liked it that way.

amother

Wed, Nov 26 2014, 2:05 pm

Gitch wrote:

I was thinking that the advantage to choose your curriculum is being able to add more cultural events and more topics that are not usually taught in most schools, and I also feel like children learn more when in context, like learning about money while shopping, going to the library for reading, things like that. How do you homeschool? Do you use a traditional approach,montessori or other?

amother

Wed, Nov 26 2014, 2:07 pm

amother wrote:

What you said makes a lot of sense, but I was just curious, did you ever want to go to the school of the friends you made in shul?And do you homeschool your children as well?

amother

Wed, Nov 26 2014, 8:49 pm

amother wrote:

What you said makes a lot of sense, but I was just curious, did you ever want to go to the school of the friends you made in shul?And do you homeschool your children as well?

No, I didn't want to go to their school. Especially when I knew some things that were going on in those schools. My friends were pretty jealous of me actually.

We plan to homeschool, although I'm a couple of years from that.

granolamom

Wed, Nov 26 2014, 10:56 pm

I'm homeschooling two of my kids who were previously in school. they love homeschooling and my other kids are clamoring to be homeschooled but for a number of reasons, I feel that school is a better option for them right now.

socialization in homeschoolers happens differently than in school as others have mentioned. if your kid has a high social need then you may need to work a bit to fill that, but its really very possible especially if you dont have a problem joining secular hs groups for educational trips or classes, or other activities such as ballet, parkour, gymnastics, archery, etc. there's a ton of hs groups in NY and they put together some awesome outings, classes, etc. hs kids can get exposure to so many things that a traditional school just cannot provide.

search yahoogroups for a local group, I belong to two on long island but I know there are more in brooklyn, queens and nyc.

as for frum homeschoolers, there are a few in my neck of the woods (fr/ft), some in NJ, I believe in NYC, I'm sure in brooklyn as well.

as far as curricula, I've been through so many its ridiculous. but it takes time sometimes, to find your style and sometimes a great curriculum just doesnt work with your child. but thats ok, sometimes I push through and finish the year and sometimes I just sell it or give it away.

how old are your kids?

feel free to pm me with any questions, or ask here

Ruchel

Thu, Nov 27 2014, 6:56 am

You have to look at YOUR situation.

What is around for kids outside of school hours? Jewish kids? frum?
Neighbourhood kids? some you approve of?
Are playgrounds empty or lively around? do you have them?
Homeschooling network around? by skype? some appropriate for your kids?
Do they have good enough friends that they won't do "far from eyes far from heart"?

amother

Thu, Nov 27 2014, 2:21 pm

Still in elementary school, and we do have playgrounds around, they have friends around here. We are very open minded about kids they play, as long as they are nice.

Granolamom, I can imagine! Kids usually love being around parents anyway:D

Yes, I will look into the yahoo groups, and they are really social, so I would have to make sure to include as many play dates as I could.

I'm still looking into it, because they are in school but I just feel sometimes that they could advance much more at home and that bullying situations that sometimes happen at school are just not good for anyone's development .

amother

Thu, Nov 27 2014, 2:33 pm

amother wrote:

So after your experience you wouldn't recommend it? Or do you think you would have enjoyed it if it had been more hands on? In your case, from where were most of your friends( shul, summer camp)?

great question, and my answer now that I'm a mother is different than my answer as a teenager would have been.

I definitely will say that for me, it was damaging. I was (still am in many respects...) too shy to go proactively seek out friends. once I was sitting in class with people all day and got comfortable with them just from that, it was much easier for me to take the next step and create a closer friendship. my parents are also extremely shy and introverted so I really didn't have an example from them. as far as socialization, it was definitely not good for me.

I would definitely have enjoyed it more if it was more hands-on, but I can't say that I suffered academically...I was just bored.

so those reason are why as a teenager, I was very anti-homeschooling. as a mother now, I can say that I see the appeal. I think there's a lot going on in the typical classroom that isn't so healthy. but I think if you're going to do it, you really have to prepare as if you're a real teacher, create interesting lessons with different kinds of activities, not just textbooks all day, and make sure your kids have friends in one way or another. for some kids, it definitely can be ideal IMO. hatzlacha

granolamom

Thu, Nov 27 2014, 6:33 pm

amother wrote:

a few things I've picked up along the way...as kids get older, playdates are harder to schedule. my ds's friends dont get home from school until close to 5 and then they have homework. they're in school on sundays until 1. then school projects, tutoring, etc. shabbos friends are great though, if within walking distance.
however, unless your child has a very high need for lots of close friendships, not all socialization has to happen as a 'playdate'. gymnastics has a social element. so do book clubs, chess clubs, writing groups and game hour meetups. homeschoolers do all of those things and more. so while you might not want to encourage deep relationships within a secular group, theres still plenty of room for socialization.