Letting a Baby Cry

sunny90

Mon, Dec 08 2014, 3:24 am

amother wrote:

I put my baby in my bed and nurse in demand. It was easy and I didn't need to get up. I don't think CIO is only three nights. You have to redo it after the baby is sick or after a trip. Also you never know if at that certain night he is crying because of ear infection or fever. I know co sleeping is a huge commitment. But I could never let a baby cry.

That's not necessarily true. I did CIO (or rather, CC) with my babies and they all slept really well after that. But if they woke up crying in the middle of the night, of course I would go to them and check on them! Sometimes my baby is sick or in pain so I give him medicine and cuddle him a bit and then put him back. He cries a little but then usually goes back to sleep. Or else he randomly woke up screaming and sounds scared so I go and cuddle etc and put him back. Just because I used CIO to teach my babies how to fall asleep by themselves (an important skill IMHO) doesn't mean that I from then on ignore them every time they cry!
ETA: I tried so many other "gentle" sleep training methods with my babies before I did CC. It was the only thing that worked, and they and I were the happier for it.

Last edited by sunny90 on Mon, Dec 08 2014, 2:53 pm; edited 3 times in total

amother

Mon, Dec 08 2014, 3:38 am

It really depends on the disposition of the mother and baby IMHO. I am the OP. I work at home and am often w/ DD all day (and night). When DD doesn't go to sleep nicely several times in one day (tends to happen, it's hard to fall asleep when overtired and the baby gets overtired when the last nap didn't go well), I go crazy. The other day, I yelled at her. B"H she thought it was hilarious and started laughing, causing me to laugh over how stupid I am acting and how cute she is. I waited for her. I love her. I do not want to be this way!

I have a hard time w/ CIO especially since my baby has suffers from gas. It got much better when I went off dairy, but now I started solids and her stomach is hurting again. I feel bad letting her cry when she is in pain Crying probably makes the pain worse. I really wish I could do other methods and just do the CIO method when she is energized w/ overtiredness, but as other posters wrote, she needs consistency. Not quite sure what to do about this. I also don't know if she's ready for me to force her to sleep through the night. She's only 5 mos. From 9:15 til 7:30ish, she usually gets up once or twice.

Also, those w/ experience w/ CIO, would you be able to summarize it for me in a nutshell (can be a big one) or do I need to buy Ferber's book?

amother

Mon, Dec 08 2014, 3:47 am

pause wrote:

You have one baby and you think you know it all. Not all babies are created equal.

You are right. Lichatchila is if you put the baby in bed and after 5 mins. they fall asleep on their own, no crying and once they reach the age where they can go for a long stretch w/o eating, they do that and don't wake up their mother until daylight.

But, I don't know too many babies like that. (Except maybe mine until she was 4 mos. old.) No cry sleep methods are bidi eved b/c you don't give the kid the skills to fall asleep on their own (unless you figure out a way to do this). CIO is bdi eved b/c it requires some achzarios even if it's completely litoeles.

But, mandr is right about one thing. I, the OP, am trying to feel better about CIO (or whatever you want to call it). I am not trying to chose which one I ideally believe in. I would love to not let the baby cry, but I know that going to the baby repeatedly does not work for me. I want to let the baby cry in the best possible way for both of us and am trying to get eitzos.

saw50st8

Mon, Dec 08 2014, 7:35 am

amother wrote:

OP, when my first was born, I was really anti-CIO. How could I let my little baby cry? By the time he was a year old, was still waking every 2 hours to nurse, I was pregnant and I just couldn't function. He was overtired and cranky as well. I nearly crashed while driving to work because I was so tired and momentarily fell asleep at the wheel. We let him CIO. All of us were happier. We also let our 2, 3, and 4 CIO (15-19 months).

I don't think CIO is ideal, but neither is a situation where the parents and kids aren't functioning well.

MaBelleVie

Mon, Dec 08 2014, 8:58 am

I'm a little amused that people seem to think the options are CIO or bust. Newsflash... There are many other sleep training methods, and while they may take longer than three nights they do not leave you a slave to the child forever (I don't consider myself a slave to my kids ever, FTR. Although I certainly do revolve my life around them at certain points, especially when they are very young. That's why I'm the mommy Smile

). And those kids manage to go to sleep independently once they are trained! Imagine that!

mandr

Mon, Dec 08 2014, 9:39 am

amother wrote:

I also don't know if she's ready for me to force her to sleep through the night. She's only 5 mos. From 9:15 til 7:30ish, she usually gets up once or twice.

Also, those w/ experience w/ CIO, would you be able to summarize it for me in a nutshell (can be a big one) or do I need to buy Ferber's book?

I would never force my 5 month old to sleep through the night. First of all, he was a distracted eater so he never ate for long during the day. At night he was able to cash in on the quietude and nursed really well when he was mostly asleep. Also, there would be no way I'd be able to maintain my milk supply if I went that many hours without nursing (I work so I already have to pump, which doesn't help either).

What I did was make minimum limits. I chose 4 hours because that's a reasonable time for a baby to go without food between feedings. He was (I believe) 7-8 months at the time. I put him to sleep using the controlled crying method. Put him into bed. Tell him goodnight, kiss him, sing one song, etc. Then I walked out. Of course he began whimpering. I waited 5 minutes before going back in. Walk in and pat him, assure him (without picking him up) for like a minute and then walk out again. This time waited 7 minutes. Next time 9 minutes. I don't think I had to go any more than a total of 15 minutes of complaining (not shrieking) before he went to bed. The next night was maybe 10 minutes. The next night 5 and the fourth night silence!

Now in the middle of the night, what happens? If he woke up before 4 hours, I employed the same method as in the previous paragraph. But if it was 4 hours or more, I nursed him. I usually go to bed 4 hours after he does so even if he doesn't wake up, I just pick him up and feed him (dreamfeed) so I know I get another stretch of sleep myself. Repeat until morning.

I was amazed by how much better he was sleeping. He began to wake up HAPPY and well-rested. Talking to himself. He never used to do that. The babysitter was on board with this and did this for nap times as well - though for some reason, he never fussed upon being put into bed when he was there (or so she claims Wink

).

You can use a pacifier too. I put 4 or 5 into his bed so he has one handy all the time. This also helps him fall asleep better.

saw50st8

Mon, Dec 08 2014, 1:25 pm

MaBelleVie wrote:

). And those kids manage to go to sleep independently once they are trained! Imagine that!

I've tried many methods for sleep training before trying CIO. None worked for my children.

amother

Mon, Dec 08 2014, 2:54 pm

mandr wrote:

).

You can use a pacifier too. I put 4 or 5 into his bed so he has one handy all the time. This also helps him fall asleep better.

Thank you!
Love,
OP

amother

Mon, Dec 08 2014, 3:08 pm

deena19k wrote:

I've done cio at toddler age. But 5 months is way too young. Im sorry op, but I think you have unrealistic expectations. 5 month old babies wake up alot at night, they get hungry more often, and need you to be there. And a 5 month old does not understand all your explaining that it's time to go to sleep etc.

OP here. I'm planning on doing a modified version. My baby has shown me on numerous occasions that she can sleep 6 hrs. straight. She tends to wake up right when DH and I go to sleep (approx. 4 hrs. after she went to sleep) probably from hearing noise. I don't think I would force her to go to sleep through the night at this age. I would feed her when she cries in the middle of the night.
But, I do think she's old enough to not have me comfort her every time. She's starting to notice that she can manipulate me. (Good for her development, learning cause and effect) and that crying causes me to go to her. She can learn that when she's all snuggled in her bed, w/ the light off and paci, Mommy will say Shema, sing to her and kiss her, but then she will leave the room and its time for baby to go to sleep. Mommy will come back (hopefully) if she really needs her (a in pain cry), but she will not come just b/c the baby is bored and overtired.
I haven't tried it yet, but definitely plan on it. I need to do what's best for me b/c I am not going to be a good mother if she doesn't sleep, at least some of the time.

mandr

Mon, Dec 08 2014, 11:42 pm

amother wrote:

Not sure if a spinoff is necessary for my question. My 1 year old goes to bed without a problem. Been doing that for a few months. We set a routine and asleep BH! But he won't stay asleep. Wakes up 2-4 times a night! He once did 8 hours straight asleep but once an ear infection occurred and no more.
I nurse (plus solids) and work so it's a bit crazy. I am tired all the time. HELP!!

How did you get him to go to sleep nicely? You can use the same method here for middle of the night wakings as well. Also feed your baby before you head to bed. Dream feed without even waking him.