Punished at school- necessary at home too?

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Tue, Dec 09 2014, 3:13 pm

Assume the following is true:
1. We have all the facts and the child was definitely in the wrong
2. The consequence was developmentally appropriate, directly linked to the infraction, and appropriate in level of severity.
Do you also imposea consequence at home, or is it enough to just have a talk with the child?

Chayalle

Tue, Dec 09 2014, 3:20 pm

If the child is being punished by school, is it of a nature that the child feels the consequence? If so, you don't need to add insult to injury. A talking to where the kid understands that you stand behind the school's decision and you back them in their punishment, should be enough.

Remember the Country Yossie song - and then he potched me? I was always saddened by that song. Kid gets punished in school, and then gets same at home.

Ruchel

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 7:34 am

Depends how bad it was.
Talked in class? no.
Spit on teacher? you bet.
The old generation would say yes, match it.

Health is a Virture

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 8:08 am

no, he sinned, he was punished...now, move on. Keep a good and honest relationship with child, usually more important then disciplining anyhow.

champion

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 8:27 am

when I was younger I did something bad in school.
I was punished in school and felt miserable. then I came home and went through it all over again.
in my child's mind all I felt was that the world was against me and out to get me.
A child knows when he did something wrong and he knows when he deserves to be punished. but then he needs to feel that there is a safe place that will accept him back no matter what.
being punished on both fronts, IMHO, will destroy that feeling of trust and security.
This is def. what happened to me.
till today I think back to that day and see black. mind you, I was only a first grader.
this double punishment did nothing to convince me to stay away from such behavior in the future. it just made me scared of the place a child should feel safe in- home.

rosenbal

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 8:38 am

Do NOT punish your child at home. The school did their job. Now you can move on. Tell your child you support the school, that you know the child knows it's wrong and tell him you love him .

When things are calm you may want to think constructively with your child about what he can do to avoid this behavior in the future. That's a lot more productive than punishment x2.he should know you want him to succeed, not to catch him when he's down.

Clarissa

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 8:57 am

I would punish my child at home, as well. Take away a privilege or something. I’ve made it very clear to my children and their teachers that I am their (the educators’) partner in this. My children know that there will be consequences at home if I hear that they’re not meeting behavioral expectations at school.

groisamomma

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 9:08 am

Clarissa wrote:

Agree. This happened to ds last week and we couldn't decide. The school asked him to sign the offending paper by both parents and attach an apology note. He did that. When he told us about it he admitted right away that what he did was wrong. In the end we asked him to come up with what he thought was a fair punishment and we agreed on something reasonable for one week. To the poster that said she felt like everyone was out to get her when she was punished at home I say that's the point. Had you not been disrespectful you wouldn't have been in that position. This was the first time he got into trouble and hopefully with this message sent he will never do it again. Kids need to know that if it is unacceptable at home you do not do it in school and the only way to get that message across is by supporting the school.

Chayalle

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 9:38 am

groissa, I think the big difference here is that you have involved your child in the decision of what a fair punishment would be. I like that. It gets him the message that good behavior is not optional, while also keeping his relationship with you - his parents - intact.

amother

Wed, Dec 10 2014, 10:02 am

OP here. Based on the responses, I opted to go the talking route. Given the situation, there was nothing to add other than making it clear that I support the teacher, and that it must not happen again. This is a generally well-behaved child. If it does happen again, I might add something from the home side, but I really can't imagine a repeat happening. Thanks.

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