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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts
Sent MIL a bday gift and never got a thank you...



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amother


 

Post Thu, Dec 11 2014, 9:04 am
My MIL bday was last Friday. I had thought of getting her a nice robe for the house since that's all she ever wears but we wanted to chip in with my husbands siblings. we tried looking in the stores but didn't find anything. on Saturday night of black Friday I was browsing online and found a beautiful velvet robe that I knew MIL would love. I texted a pic to SIL while talking on the phone and heard her show her mother so MIL def knew it was me behind all the work.
I had it shipped to her house hoping it would get to her by her bday but it didn't. instead it came this past Monday. after tracking the pkg and seeing that it was delivered I called her to see if she had opened it to know if she likes it/if it fits, etc. but she told me she was waiting for my bro in law and sis in law to come home from work before she opens it.
later that evening I get a text from SIL that MIL was wearing the robe. but not me or my husband got a thank you phone call. it happens to be yesterday was my babys bday and I invited everyone over for cake and coffee and was hoping maybe MIL wanted to personally thank us. but she never did. she acted casual and only came to celebrate my babys bday.
when I mentioned it to DH last night, he told me that he had gotten a thank you the day before when he called her. but do I not deserve one? am I not a person part of the gift too? and why should he have to call her? shes old enough to know that when you get a gift you thank the person who gave it to you. you don't wait for them to call you to remember to thank them!
I have to say that I am extremely upset at her. I have many other grudges against her for past stupidity that she pulled on me and despite all that I put it aside and still respected her and came up with a thoughtful gift that I knew she would love (even her other children who are much older than me never think of gifts they just take the easy way out by giving cash) and I have yet to hear 2 simple words: thank you!
my mother always taught me to respect in order to get respect, but im seeing a pattern when it comes to MIL. every time I respect her and go that extra mile for her I end up getting hurt. I know I probably shouldn't take this to heart but its just time after time that she is a disappointment to me...
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amother


 

Post Thu, Dec 11 2014, 9:17 am
That's better than my MIL who did thank me but then said "but I know you guys didn't really chip in anyway". Um, it was shortly after we had LOTS of expenses with our wedding and had just given her a mothers day present too when her birthday came around and we were volunteered to chip in sizeable amount that we really didn't have at the time.

What can you say? Some of us are blessed with real gems of mothers in law. If you figure out how to get passed it let me know. I'm still trying to learn. For Dhs sake.
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suzyq




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 11 2014, 9:17 am
No expectations. Be the bigger person. I totally understand that it's hurtful not to hear a thank you from your MIL, but that doesn't change the fact that you did the right thing.

Every year, I send a nice Chanukah gift to my and my DH's parents. My parents always call to tell us how much they love it (it's grandchild-temed so they really love it). My husband's father doesn't care. When he gets around to opening it, he may mention it to my DH, or he may not. He won't use it and this year he just left it at someone else's house.

Yes, it hurts that he doesn't care and it makes me feel like I shouldn't bother. But I keep sending to him anyway, because he is DH's father and it's the right thing to do. Just because someone else doesn't fulfill their part, doesn't mean you shouldn't do your part.
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rising hero




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 11 2014, 9:54 am
You might want to work on yourself to think less about you and more of others. And I'm not saying it in a nasty way. It'll enhance your quality of life!
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 11 2014, 10:00 am
op, I think you need to chill. you always go out of your way and end up hurt? your sil told you that your mil was wearing it. she likes it. she thanked your dh. she may have thought that dh would pass the thanks along, which is how some families work. she did not call you to ask you to get her something else, she didn't berate you for being a lousy dil, she didn't steal your identity and drive you to bankruptcy. she doesn't realize you go "above and beyond" for her. and that means she likely wouldn't be phased if you didn't do all this. not everyone is very expressive in these matters, and it means nothing about you. nor does it mean that she is a terrible person. you shouldn't attach expectations to gifts. you'd resent it if she did that to you.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Dec 11 2014, 10:04 am
and this is how I know that I will never have a good relationship with my DIL no matter what.

There will always be something I did wrong and every slip up will be magnified to the fullest.

MIL's can never ever win.
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 11 2014, 10:20 am
amother wrote:
My MIL bday was last Friday. I had thought of getting her a nice robe for the house since that's all she ever wears but we wanted to chip in with my husbands siblings. we tried looking in the stores but didn't find anything. on Saturday night of black Friday I was browsing online and found a beautiful velvet robe that I knew MIL would love. I texted a pic to SIL while talking on the phone and heard her show her mother so MIL def knew it was me behind all the work.
I had it shipped to her house hoping it would get to her by her bday but it didn't. instead it came this past Monday. after tracking the pkg and seeing that it was delivered I called her to see if she had opened it to know if she likes it/if it fits, etc. but she told me she was waiting for my bro in law and sis in law to come home from work before she opens it.
later that evening I get a text from SIL that MIL was wearing the robe. but not me or my husband got a thank you phone call. it happens to be yesterday was my babys bday and I invited everyone over for cake and coffee and was hoping maybe MIL wanted to personally thank us. but she never did. she acted casual and only came to celebrate my babys bday.
when I mentioned it to DH last night, he told me that he had gotten a thank you the day before when he called her. but do I not deserve one? am I not a person part of the gift too? and why should he have to call her? shes old enough to know that when you get a gift you thank the person who gave it to you. you don't wait for them to call you to remember to thank them!
I have to say that I am extremely upset at her. I have many other grudges against her for past stupidity that she pulled on me and despite all that I put it aside and still respected her and came up with a thoughtful gift that I knew she would love (even her other children who are much older than me never think of gifts they just take the easy way out by giving cash) and I have yet to hear 2 simple words: thank you!
my mother always taught me to respect in order to get respect, but im seeing a pattern when it comes to MIL. every time I respect her and go that extra mile for her I end up getting hurt. I know I probably shouldn't take this to heart but its just time after time that she is a disappointment to me...


Wow. Finding a photo and sending it on to your sister in law constitutes "doing all the work"?

Did your in-laws give your baby a gift for her birthday? If so, did you specifically call both your MIL and your FIL to tell them how nice it is? And did your husband do the same? If not, what are you waiting for? Its been 12 hours, and you were upset within that period of time.

You're looking for things to be upset with. Chill.
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