do you find this nasty?

amother

Thu, Dec 11 2014, 1:04 pm

I am a nursing student. I have just completed my first placement and I had to have a meeting with my personal tutor to discuss my feedback. My mentor saw that I had been late twice and she started shouting at me and telling me I am never EVER going to be late again or there will be serious consequences. I didn't mind this so much it's just that she then started to be really nasty for the littlest things and said she is very concerned about me. For example she saw that I had folded down the page of my book (just a tiny bit at the top to remind me of where I need to fet up to) and she goes "do you not take care of anything??" I She was so nasty I felt like crying Sad

she is meant to be my personal tutor but she is just so unsupportive.

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Dec 11 2014, 1:21 pm

This is horrible but it's what it takes to be the best.

Life stinks and then on top of that, there is being a medic. You will be dealing with hurting, stressed, angry, people all the time. The only reason to do that is to help with their problems.

It is the tough ones who make you the best.

No, you shouldn't be late. No, you shouldn't bend a book page. No, you shouldn't take criticism personally that is factually accurate. If you are going to cry about this, what will you do when a grief-crazed family member shrieks that you let their relative die? That's all in a day's work for a medic.

You got this far, so you have what it takes.

Blow your nose, throw cold water on your face, sniffle a little into your pillow, and try to meet their high standards, both technical and emotional. Later, ok much later, you will realize that they did you a favor. They took you from being a normal human being with feelings to a medic, a razor sharp trained human being, who doesn't have normal human reactions, and can face blood, guts, death, crazy people, including other crazy medics, and stay steely on the discipline.

This is why I am not a medic.

A barrel of laughs it is not.

But you chose it.

You can certainly decide to do something else. Absolutely.

But if this is what you want to do, you have to learn from everybody, no matter how tough they are. They are just teaching you the trade.

Whatever you decide is fine. Hugs. We are all in awe of your abilities.

amother

Thu, Dec 11 2014, 3:06 pm

amother wrote:

The woman was shouting at you and degrading you, and you want to know if I find this nasty?

I get upset extremely easily. I was wondering if
Other people would have been hurt like I was. The way she spoke to me was so horrible. If she is my "personal tutor" G-d help me

amother

Thu, Dec 11 2014, 3:52 pm

Hashem loves me wrote:

If I were you, I wouldn't have almost cried. I'd have forsure cried! But I am pretty sensitive.
To answer your question- yes she was acting very nasty. Is she the top or is there anyone to report her to?

I can't report her to anyone. I am already not liked by many teachers and there is no one rlse really above her just the same level. Also no one would really care about how she talked to me. I know that's sad but it's the truth.

amother

Thu, Dec 11 2014, 8:53 pm

That is horrible. There is never ever any excuse for someone to talk to you like that even if you did something really really wrong. No one ever deserves to be yelled at. You deserve to be spoken to with respect.

Yes of course people would find this reason to cry or be upset!

I really think you should report her to someone and request a different supervisor. I feel bad for her patients at the hospital!

Talya

Thu, Dec 11 2014, 9:07 pm

amother wrote:

Why are you not liked? Could that be the reason she yelled at you? Not that it's excusable just trying to understand.

dal613

Thu, Dec 11 2014, 9:26 pm

I am so sorry you are going through this, and I bet you are a very good person that would never treat someone like that; which is why you are so shocked and hurt. I am also sorry for what I am about to say now: unfortunately this is the "business." Like the rest of us (nurses) you are going to have to learn to build up some emotional walls. Whether is the patients or their extremely stressed out families screaming and cursing at you, swearing to sue you etc, after you gave up your lunch break to try to find them that extra recliner so they could be more comfortable; or a tyrant of a manager or charge nurse; or doctors that are PO'd because you had to page them AGAIN or because the lab "canceled" your specimens AGAIN. whatever. this is a thankless profession. And at some point you just have to be at peace with yourself and who you are, and what you are doing is good, and confident enough to just say "Thank you for making me aware" or "Yup, got it, thanks." and finished, no emotions, just think in your head "mizkena/nebach of a person" as you part ways with them. I'm sorry that this is the truth.

dal613

Thu, Dec 11 2014, 9:31 pm

by the way, I was late once to one of my clinicals (like five minutes) that was over an hour away , got a warning, and then one of the last clinical days I got into an accident and I was late; I was sent home and failed ON THE SPOT, in front of everyone in the hospital, and all my classmates. And I was a straight A student; (and everyone knew it) So you are lucky your just getting some "nastiness". also something to think about when dealing with nasty co-workers, pts or their families, or managers- its better to know what your dealing with (that they are nasty and scream at you) then have them be nice to your face, and be the first ones to write you up, complain about you, fire you, etc when your back is turned. It does happen. My managers known to be one of the meanest people in the entire hospital. but at least I know what devil I am dealing with. (and she keeps our unit in check)

zaq

Thu, Dec 11 2014, 10:23 pm

elisheva25 wrote:

It's not you. It's nursing school. It's like army in there.

Indeed. I recently read an article about the epidemic of suicide in the medical professions, both in school and afterwards, written by a physician who herself survived a suicide attempt while in med school. She attributes much of this to the bullying that goes on, the effects of which are exacerbated by social isolation and the pervasive attitude that medical people must be robot-like, never show emotion, and certainly never seek help.

It may be true that stress during training toughens you up for the rigors of the job, but the powers that be sometimes enjoy inflicting that stress a little too much. There are sadists everywhere.

amother

Thu, Dec 11 2014, 11:42 pm

I'm in the medical profession and was not trained this way. All my preceptors were nice. My husband is currently training and has had some unpleasant experiences but nothing terrible. I don't think it's so they train you to deal with unhappy patients. I have those all the time and it's fine. It's easier to look away when you know they are in pain. It's entirely different than a mentor treating you that way for no apparent reason.

amother

Fri, Dec 12 2014, 3:57 am

dal613 wrote:

I never had any patients shout at me. The patients loved me. I even had a few who wrote in a good report of me. This idea is irrelevant honestly, the patients all respected me becauae I treated them with the greatest respect.

dal613

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 8:58 pm

amother wrote:

I take it you don't work in new york city Smile

FranticFrummie

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 9:06 pm

I agree with you that it was nasty, and totally unprofessional.

That said, I agree with Dolly on this. Your mantra needs to be "What doesn't kill me will only make me stronger." Look at this woman as part of your training. She's teaching you how to deal with difficult personalities.

I've been in situations where I've been at the mercy of really horrible people, and looking back, I realized that they were the ones who have made me the tough, confident, and compassionate person I am today. Friends are nice for support, but "enemies" are the whetting stone that sharpens the blade.

Keep your head up, smile, and in the back of your mind, THANK her for testing you and making you a better person. If nothing else, by you standing firm, it will drive her crazy! Wink

Jeanette

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 9:24 pm

Yes, she's being nasty, and no, I don't agree that she's only doing it for your own good to toughen you up.

Many studies have been done on this, and by creating a very negative, blame-centric culture in a hospital, staff are MORE likely to make mistakes and LESS likely to own up to them when they do. And we all know that it's not the mustake that's problematic but our failure to own up to it and fix it before further harm is done.

I'm sorry you're going through this. My nursing school experience was nowhere near this bad. With only a few exceptions, almost everyone was professional, respectful and supportive.

If "nobody" likes you, though, it's important to figure out why. Either you're giving off a "victim" vibe or maybe there is something you can do to turn the situation around. Maybe ask a classmate for some honest feedback.

Good luck! Feel free to PM if you want more support.