used to be skinny. Gained weight & ppl are awkward around me

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Used to be skinny. Gained weight & ppl are awkward around me

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amother

Wed, Sep 24 2014, 4:07 pm

As soon as I read the title, I thought you were talking about me!!
And then as I read, I can only wish I had your problem, I was always a 6, occasionally a 8 before I had kids, then PCOS and some other health issues hit that caused my weight to skyrocket, I'm now a real 3X Sad

When I meet people who haven't seen me in awhile, I see that look as is that really you?????

I have tried so many diets with hardly any results, I've been on medication that helped a little, but my excess 125 pounds refuses to budge. I exercise, helps a little and I feel better about myself.

I need to find the right diet or nutritionist that works with my issue, not an easy thing to do....

But, I definitely know the look in people's eyes when they didn't see me in a while....

B'H, my friends and I are upfront and talk about things, no talking behind my back, I'm very open about my struggles.

zaq

Wed, Sep 24 2014, 4:18 pm

OP, I take issue with your title. "People" aren't awkward around you; ONE evidently shallow and immature girl with poor social skills, whom you haven't even had much, if anything, to do with in six years, behaved awkwardly. She, not you, is the one with the problem. Everyone else you know seems to have no problem relating to a more zaftig you, so why are you allowing this chippie to ruin your self-esteem?

Imogen

Sat, Sep 27 2014, 6:06 pm

Op some people grow up, intellectually and socially others are frozen in time, some times they stay sweet and unworldly, some stay catty and unkind, it gives them a kind of power to dent the ego of another. No do not let them do it to you, see them for what they are, horrible.

finallyamommy

Sat, Sep 27 2014, 6:42 pm

Um, OP? You say you're between 5'8" and 5'9". I'm 5'8.5 so I suppose we are almost exactly the same height. And I weigh about as much as you do now, give or take (truthfully, I'm afraid to step on the scale because I know I'm NOT the 140 lbs. that I used to be). I'm around a size 10. And although I have 10-15 pounds that I could stand to lose, in my opinion anyway, most people tell me I look downright SKINNY.

You're fine. I think you need some new friends.

amother

Sat, Sep 27 2014, 7:29 pm

OP, if I showed you a pic of what I looked like at 5'4 and 140 lbs, you'd think I looked gorgeous!
I am now 5'4 and approx 175 lbs and still think I look good...just a little chubby.

Forget those friends! They are not real friends if they think it's weird/awkward that you gained weight. Feel sorry for them and find yourself real friends who will love and appreciate you for your soul. Not your body.

sequoia

Sat, Sep 27 2014, 8:09 pm

THEIR social awkwardness is not YOUR problem.

amother

Sat, Sep 27 2014, 10:06 pm

esheschayil wrote:

Yes we are about the same height. My pet peeve is any skirts feeling a bit tight and I wear my skirts low so when I was 140 lbs I was a size 8/10-M and now that I'm 170 (maybe even a few lbs more after y''t and all the meals Crying

) I'm a size 14. I hate going shopping I feel like stores (especially frum stores) where their size L feel like they should be size S (but that is a whole other topic I would vent about).

The point is how 'fat' I feel and now socially uncomfortable based on my friends' thoughts that they have conveyed.. Understandably I am now feeling like everyone around me is thinking along those lines and I feel even worse about myself.
Beyond that I realize I really don't want anything to do with these friends anymore. I know my friend will call me again, since we never finished our conversation about how she was acting when she saw me because she saw I gained weight. It is weird how incredibly relieved she was when I told her I caught on that she was acting weird around me when she saw me. As if she was so glad that I caught on so she could talk to me about it Rolling Eyes

This whole topic makes me so self conscious and gross, I wish I never went out with them that night. Would have avoided so much agmas nefesh.

cookiejar

Sat, Sep 27 2014, 10:42 pm

amother wrote:

Op here. I am between 5'8 and 5'9, I weighed 145last time she saw me. Now I'm 168-170 Sad

its hard enough to be heavier than before, its so much worse to know ppl treat u differently. And the worst was hearing that they were talking abt my weight gain in the car ride over.

NOT FAT!!!

monseychick

Sat, Sep 27 2014, 10:46 pm

amother wrote:

My subject line says it all. It wasn't super clear to me till something that happened recently.
I had a reunion w/ a few people who I was in seminary with and hadnt seen in about 6 years but whom I speak to often. One of the girls lives in my town. she was in the car and my friend who I hadnt seen in 6 years came up to my apartment, she acted extremely awkward. I know it's because I gained a lot of weight since she saw me last. when she saw me I had one kid, now I have 3 and with the last 2 young ones its been really hard to lose the weight I gained, plus I have a thyroid prob which makes things harder to lose.
You're all prob thinking I'm just being 'overly sensitive' - Well, let me tell you all about a conversation I had yesterday. I spoke to this friend via phone for the first time since we got together that time in person.

I told her straight up, "I know you felt awkward around me because I gained a lot of weight." She started laughing and said "wow I am so happy you brought it up because you're right." Then to make matters worse she said the following.
She said she was in the car with our friend, lets call her "chanie" (the other girl I spoke of earlier, the one who lives in my town) She said 'Chanie warned me before I got upstairs not to act weird in front of you because you gained weight.''

I feel beside myself with depression. I used to be SKINNY stick, I don't even think (or didntt until now) think I was legit FAT. I thought I had some baby weight and more meat on my bones. Now I know I am percieved as fat by people and I feel so beside myself.

Some people have fat on their hips, AND SOME HAVE IT AROUND THEIR BRAIN.....

Just ignore idiots....

monseychick

Sat, Sep 27 2014, 10:49 pm

amother wrote:

Op here. I am between 5'8 and 5'9, I weighed 145last time she saw me. Now I'm 168-170 Sad

its hard enough to be heavier than before, its so much worse to know ppl treat u differently. And the worst was hearing that they were talking abt my weight gain in the car ride over.

Thats it, your original post made me think you are like 300.. These "friends" are real losers , get rid of them

amother

Sat, Sep 27 2014, 10:56 pm

OP I'm also about 5'8.5 and weighed similar before my kid. I now weigh prob close to what you weigh but am scared to step on a scale again... Yes. I feel fat and have stomach flab and my thighs and bottom are bigger and I have gone up sizes. But like the other tall girl said: people will think we look thin. (Not that this should matter...)We tall women are lucky because our 25-30 lbs have more space to go.
Like other said, eat a little healthier and do a little exercise and hopefully you will feel better and maybe lose a few pounds. Sounds like you were like me and ate a lot and still stayed thin. Your body changes with time and you also had 3 kids!

You are beautiful!! Forget those gals.

amother

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 12:42 am

Sorry you went thru that uncomfortable situation op Sad

I have also gained an extra 30 pounds from my 4 cuties and right when I was determined that the time had come to lose the weight I got pregnant! So I now feel super fat + thank G-d preggie. I am 5.2 so 30 pounds is a lot more on the hips, waist and face.

I wanted to put in a word of defense for your friend. I bet she does not have kids. It sounds like she was insensitive and said something pretty dumb, but ppl do slip and are not perfect and are sometimes missing some social skills. They mean well, just are a little clueless in certain areas.

ElTam

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 1:47 am

Quote:

Just curious--why not take care of the problem? Go to a nutritionist, join a class, or sign up for a gym. Why do you have to sit there being complacent when you can do something about it?

Just curious, why were you anonymous to type this "helpful" advice?

Just curious, do you know anything about thyroid conditions and what they do to your weight?

Just curious, are you clueless or just rude? I'd guess the second, because if you were clueless, you'd post this under your own screen name.

Ruchel

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 9:28 am

people may be uncomfy gaining, but uncomfy that their FRIEND is gaining ?
I’ ve been friendly with people from supposedly superficial circles, actors, a couple models even (yes there are some traditional but not frum Jewish ones, btw), and they never treated me differently when I was single and slim, or looking like a new mom, or married and slim, or any other “look”. On the other hand I’ve felt judged by an obese tznius fashion blogger for not dressing trendy enough in her opinion. Never mind that I was dressed for a day of acting as translator for a rebbe!! Not the right time to break out the red outfit and the Louboutins I don’t own, hmm?

amother

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 1:37 pm

OP here - it's been a while since that happened but this still hurts me every day and I walk around now feeling like a fatso.

To the friend who treated me differently since she saw I gained weight.

You had called me up, telling me you were coming to my town,
Said how excited you were to see me after all these years.
Then you see me and my husband who knew how excited I was took pics of us candid.
As I scroll through the pics I will forever remember your reaction. Your facial expressions. Your response. To my weight gain.

When we knew each other a few years back in the day we were single, I was stick skinny, back in the days when I had time to go to the gym, work out like a madwoman, and be super active.

Now I have a few small kids, barely have time for anything, let alone get to the gym. And I gained weight.

After days over the phone of telling me how excited you were to see me, you come in the car with a few friends and your facial expression said it all. You looked shocked and disgusted. No I am not the same stick skinny person I used to be but I've had a few children and gained about 40 pounds. And yet you looked at me like some monster or alien from out of space. And all those expressions I have in pictures as my husband was excitedly snapping away.
The net 5 minutes were extremely awkward full of fake laughs and fake smiles. I knew you weren't yourself.
When you called me when you were back home to follow up to say "it was nice to see you" I was stright up and said I know you were acting strange around me and I think it's because I'm bigger than when we were friends as teenagers. You breathed the biggest sigh of releif and said that was true and that you're glad I brought it up, and that you're sorry, but that in the car on the way to my house the other friend in the car warned you first that I had gained weight and that you were talking about it. And that you should have asked how "my weight is doing" and "how I'm feeling".

I'm sorry that this had to happen but I feel that we will never view our relationship in the same way. You still try to call and talk but I feel forever astranged. I have never imagined I would be treated differently just because I gained some weight. The other friend in the car too, who doesn't even know you told me she warned you. I know you tried validating and explaining but it doesn't change how I feel, I feel overly 'fat' by your intense and extreme reaction even though people tell me I am not. But ever since then that is what I see in the mirror. So, thanks.

SRB

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 1:49 pm

I'm sorry you were hurt so deeply by this "friends" reaction. I'm still trying to loose pregnancy weight - it's not easy when your time is occupied and tired. I hope you surround yourself with people who love you no matter what the scale says. Maybe do something to make yourself feel good/healthy each day - nurture yourself. Relax and tell yourself you are beautiful inside and out. Hugs!

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