Israeli mothers of boys - is this normal?

amother

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 2:54 pm

I specifically want to know from mothers in Israel because I'm American and raising my son in Israel and from what I've seen, it's different here.

My 5 1/2 year old son is a really good boy with tons of energy. I've noticed that he loves playing with guns and swords and making them out of all toys (which I know is normal) but when he's playing with neighbors who are girls or younger than him the difference stands out strongly. Recently new neighbors moved in and he loves playing with them but whenever he feels even slightly bothered he'll make a gun or sword and pretend to shoot or say I'm going to get you. He gets really wild and starts to wrestle with them.

I know that's what boys do but I've had to make him come home or when the other kids are by me with a parent they take their kids home because he gets too wild. How wild is normal and when do I stop the guns and swords.

For now I feel its counterproductive to say no guns or swords but I don't buy real ones for him and tell him not to point them at people, even though I'm having a hard time enforcing it. Also, once he gets really wild its hard to make him calm down and listen.

How much of this is normal boy behavior and how do I stop being embarressed when it happens?

Sanguine

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 3:04 pm

amother wrote:

How much of this is normal boy behavior and how do I stop being embarressed when it pens?

Don't be embarrassed. He does sound pretty wild but every kid is different. Ask his ganenet (or whatever he's in) is he's wilder than the other boys. Also, when did you come here? recently? Are you new in Israel and he has language problems?Is this wildness something new? Give more details

amother

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 3:12 pm

We've lived here since before he was born so it's not a change issue. He went to a transitional gan two years ago where he learned basic hebrew and this is his second year in cheder so he's really fluent. He's a confident kid (his rebbe said he's "malei betachon atzmi") but I noticed he gets a bit hesitant when the rebbe talks to him in hebrew.

Either way, the wildness started when he started cheder last year but recently its become more and its more noticeable because he's been playing more indoors with girls and younger kids.

It's just been driving me crazy because I don't really know if I should let it go because its normal or I should try a time out to calm down (I've tried everything else but it doesn't work because it's he gets really into it and has a hard time stopping). Also, its really embarressing.

Sanguine

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 3:37 pm

amother wrote:

recently its become more and its more noticeable because he's been playing more indoors with girls and younger kids.

They're probably all wild in cheder cause it's all boys so that's how he likes to play. I guess girls and younger kids are what works out for you socially (I mean that's around and convenient for you). Try a test. Invite another boy or two to your house and see what happens. Make sure it's a boy that your son says he likes to play with. (or go to school and spy on him during recess - see if all the boys are running around crazy). He's probably bored playing with girls or younger kids. They don't play what he likes (he likes shooting, that's what his friends do in cheder too). What does he play with when he's home alone? Does he like building? Maybe buy him a new special calm toy that interests him that he can play with with girls too. Or maybe a little trampoline so everyone can get a turn and he can get out his extra energy (not so good if you have downstairs neighbors).

That's what I think. He's bored with the girls and little kids. He's used to running around wild with 30 other little boys. You're going to have to find him boys to play with.

amother

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 3:41 pm

Thanks.

I know you're right. I was in cheder today for another reason and watched the other boys. They definitely seemed to be acting the same way I'm used to seeing my son and he fit right in.

I'll have to try to arrange having other boys but it just will be hard. The neighbors are in and out all day and my son wants to play with friends ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. I can't arrange things for him as fast and as often as he seems to want.

Oh, well.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 5:29 pm

Let me tell you a story. When my sister remarried, I did all the flowers for her wedding. She wanted a long bouquet that draped over her arm, not the round ones.

When she approached the altar, she handed the bouquet off to her 4yo son. He was very good for about 2 minutes, and then he got bored. He decided that the bouquet was the perfect shape to turn into a machine gun, and started "shooting" everyone in the room! shock

My poor sister was horrified, but she was in the middle of the ceremony and couldn't do anything to stop him. embarrassed

She NEVER allowed guns or violent shows in her house, so who knows where he got the idea to massacre the crowd.

Ruchel

Wed, Dec 17 2014, 12:35 pm

Gun thing is normal. Tell him not all kids, esp girls but also some boys, don't enjoy it and he should respect that. The same way, maybe, he doesn't want dolls pushed at him Wink

Gun doesn't have to be SO wild either. He can learn shhhhh.

cityofgold

Wed, Dec 17 2014, 12:42 pm

My son started cheder this year, and suddenly, it's all about violence.
All his toys are guns. So-and-so in cheder is going to cut his head off. The other kid in cheder "really knows how to kill people."

Etc, etc. I figured it's just the effect of lots of boys, and boys with big brothers who tell them things.

m in Israel

Wed, Dec 17 2014, 12:54 pm

As other posters have said, this sounds completely normal. I agree with Sanguine that you may need to find kids for him to play with that are more matim to his stage. It is completely fine for you to set limits and to explain that when he is playing with little kids or girls he needs to tone it down -- but unless you give him a reasonable outlet and times when he can play the way he likes, it will be very hard to enforce it. IOW, you can enforce no wild playing for the first hour after you come home from Cheder if he knows that after that he will have time to play with his friends the way he likes. It is much harder to enforce no wild playing the whole afternoon and evening, every day.

FF, I love that story!