Am I the only one not giving my kids a present tonight?

Simple1

Wed, Dec 17 2014, 8:08 am

For older kids it's not always worth fighting the peer pressure.

If money is an issue, you can try the dollar section in Toys4u, Target etc. If you are creative, you can make some sort of game out of it like "pass the present", grab bags, question and answer game with prizes, or whatever.

If you are worried about the commercialism and gashmius, you can do what my mother did and give books - new and wrapped up, can be exciting for the kids.

I also sometimes do what Mabellvie does, save up stuff I was going to buy anyway.

And Barbara, I was thinking the same -for the teachers it's OK and not the kids???

rachel91

Wed, Dec 17 2014, 8:46 am

I used to receive money on chanukka, from my grandma etc. My kids are still too young for money and too young to have peer pressure over presents.

This year they got some presents lately, so I don't think they'll be getting something for chanukka now, since my daughters birthday is soon after chanukka, and they'll be getting presents then.

Everyone has to do whatever they are comfortable with, there is no rule that chanukka equals presents.

Love all Jews

Wed, Dec 17 2014, 9:02 am

June wrote:

I received this today in a Ben Olam Haba/Halacha for the Day email:

Quote:

The Ponovez Rav, Rav Yosef Shlomo Kajaneman Zatzal said that after the Greeks forbade the Jewish children from learning Torah, their parents had to "bribe" them with gifts to get them to learn once again. Giving gifts on Chanukah commemorates that aspect of the Chanukah miracle. Indeed, children should be told when receiving gifts that it is for this reason and that they are expected to increase their Torah learning because of the gifts. (See Sifsei Chaim from Rav Chaim Friedlander Zatzal; Moadim Vol. 2 page 134)

See also Shu"t Avnei Yashfeh Vol. 1 Siman 129:2 and Sha'arei Halacha U'Minhag Vol. 2 page 283

I do find the commercialization of all our holidays distasteful, but apparently there are sources to give gifts/gelt specifically on Chanukah. I thought this was very interesting.

Thanks for sharing.
I told my kids, whoever finds out the source for giving Chanukah Gelt, get's a dollar.
My first grader came home and told me that "It's for the boy's to learn Torah and for the girl's to dress modestly" (This is what her teacher told them). We all thought she was adorable, but I did not realize how correct the answer was.
I will read this answer to my family.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 12:22 am

love2live wrote:

I just heard a great shiur online. The speaker was saying that for those not in Israel, chanuka competes with Xmas. Beautiful tinsel, huge giant lit up Santa Claus and sparkly trees- its hard to 'combat' all that with a little menorah in our window. If your kids are thrilled to make latkes, then of course- do it. But if they see the outside world and dream of presents, that's the war we're fighting. Culture makes all the difference.

I was just talking to my husband about this last night. This may be the case, but if you make chanukah wonderful, in the home, what is the need for gifts? (again, this is my opinion, not talking about others giving gifts to their families)
Growing up, my grandparents gave us money (maybe 10 dollars, something smallish) and we always got chocolate gelt. For us the fun of chanukah was the one night my grandparents would come over and we would play a very hearty game of dreidel. Gifts? I dont think it crossed anyones mind.

And competing with chistmas? Im sorry but why is that even an issue? I dont remember feeling any sort of "well, those people who are not jewish out there, how lucky are they to be getting gifts left right and center now and little old me with a latke". It never crossed our minds to compare or that there was a competition. Why do we all think that kids are comparing?

amother

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 12:50 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I don't think it's so much about thinking not Jewish people are "luckier" but more about the fact that you see the holiday season everywhere. It's hard to ignore the excitement, the lights, etc. I work in NYC and just walking in the streets you can't help but feel it. I wouldn't use the word "compete" but I do think we have to work extra hard to get our kids excited about Chanukah. Yes, WE understand that there's so much more to it, but for a child, it's hard not to get caught up in the commercialism of the season.

I personally think a gift for every night is a bit much, but I don't see anything wrong with giving some small presents. Growing up we always got a few small gifts and it made it so much more exciting for us. If your kids are excited already without any presents then good for you! But I really don't think giving to your children should take away from the beauty of the chag- for me, it enhances it.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 12:55 am

amother wrote:

This is what I was talking about. Growing up, I never really got caught up in any of this commercialism that you are talking about. Think about the average young kid who lives in a suburb and does not go into a big city. What are they seeing? Yes, the trees that are lit up and growing up, one family put a very large teddy bear and fake gifts outside near a very large tree that they had in their front yard. I always thought, wow, thats pretty, but thats all I thought. I never thought "oh, thats not fair, look what they get to do while I get a dinky menorah to light". Im saying, I dont think most kids are thinking about the commercialism as much as we think they are.
But again, thats my opinion.

amother

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 12:58 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I guess it really just depends where you live. If that's all you're seeing then yes, not really competition. Unfortunately where I live there is what to see.

etky

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 1:35 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

But the commercialism is all over the place, you can't escape it. It's in the newspapers, magazines, on-line, all over TV etc. You don't have to be in the big city to be exposed. I grew up in a suburb type place in NYC and didn't venture much into the 'city' (though I remember the lights being beautiful this time of year and I loved the big dept. store windows...) but I do recall the pervasiveness of the "X-mas spirit" that included the pre-occupation with gift giving as a chief characteristic. I never felt deprived in relation to non-Jewish kids (I didn't know any anyway) b/c it didn't occur to me to even think of myself in terms of their holiday. That is how it is when you are raised in a frum house and community. For other Jews though, less observant and more keyed in to the non-Jewish world, it is a big problem at this time of year and Channukah has to 'come through' for them. Channukah is in essence an intellectual holiday - with a message that is somewhat at odds with the lifestyle of non-observant Jews - but it had to assume a material dimension in keeping with the surrounding culture. Not saying people shouldn't give gifts, just that it shouldn't be a major emphasis of the holiday.

chani8

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 3:19 am

I wouldn't make gift giving a minhag, but I wouldn't avoid gift giving as some kind of 'principle' either.

If I lived in America, I would embrace the commercialization of chanuka, for sure. I'd decorate the house in blue and silver tinsel and give gifts of some kind on each day. B"H in Israel, we don't need to do that.

This year we wanted to buy some games for family time/shobbos, so we decided to do so l'kavod chanuka.

Chayalle

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 9:31 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Love your post and totally agree.

Chanukah for us is about family time, lighting the Menorah and singing together, dreidel games, Latkes, donuts (I made zepolies this morning, and yesterday, too, and the girls took them in paper bags for snack), telling the story (my little DD gave a very dramatic presentation, to general applause), etc...

We don't do big gifts, and I have never heard my kids complain or express the need for any. They do get Chanukah gelt from us and from both grandfathers - nothing huge, but nice pocket money. And we usually have a big family Chanukah party with lots of fun, cousins, good food, etc....

I think those who bring in the presents do it to themselves - bringing the commercialism in. It's not necessary and does not make for a happier Chanukah.

Notsobusy

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 9:51 am

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

My kids have no competition with X-mas. I'd be surprised if they even know that there is a huge gift giving season in the outside world.

I agree with this. My kids know about x-mas presents and santa claus from reading non jewish books. But they don't associate that with their Chanukah presents.
My parents gave presents one night of Chanukah. We also got very little gelt from my grandparents. I give my children presents one night of Chanukah because that's how I was brought up. I don't spend a lot, I usually spend between $10-30 per kid. The other nights I make special suppers or latkes, or donuts, we play dreidle or other games. We try to make Chanukah fun and special.